Brahma, Kuber and the ghosts: 325

Brahma opened his eyes, after a deep meditation, to a pleasant surprise.  None other than Kuber, the treasurer of Dev Lok bank was standing in front of him. The visit was first of a rare kind as both had dealt with each other long eons back. Moreover, Brahma had no wealth deposited or has any intention to do so. He looked at Kuber for an explanation. Kuber, feeling the weight of silence, felt disconcerted at the reception, hesitated a little but had on other option but to speak out.

Brahma, wanting to fill the boredom filled routine, missing Chitragupta’s antics and Yamadharmaraj bearing the brunt of them, decided to make the first overture. He asked, “Kuber, to what do I owe your presence?” Taken aback by the indeterminable sarcasm or satire, Kuber spoke, “I have detected some dubious accounts in the ledger.”

Brahma: “Surely, you have assistance to find out and rectify the mistake. Why come to me?”

“Oh, Brahma, the issue is not simple that my assistants could easily rectify.”

Brahma: “Agreed. In what way can I help you and what is the real issue?”

“The real issue pertains to a few current accounts that have been clandestinely opened and being operated.”

Brahma: “The best approach should have been to call them to get those accounts surrendered. Why did not you try that?”

“That is the catch. The account holders are not residing in Dev Lok. If that would have been the case, I wouldn’t have come here. Yes, there is one more catch to that catch.”

Brahma getting annoyed asked Kuber, “What is that catch having a catch. You and your assistants have gone comatose or what?

“Oh Brahma, let me explain. As per Dev Lok banking rules, an account once opened cannot be closed by me. This is the catch to that earlier catch I mentioned. The disputed current account holders are non-residents in Dev Lok. This catch is an addendum to the earlier ones”

Lackadaisical, indolent and languid. Having exhausted a set of adjectives Brahma asked, “Pray and tell me, where do they reside and who are they?” Kuber blurted out, “Brahma, these current accounts have been opened by the spirits and souls of Yam Lok. That is the irony!”

“How did you find out these accounts are operated by ghosts?”

“Recall the bank’s motto- Trust in secrecy. No where the account holder’s name gets displayed”

“Then, how these spurious accounts were detected?”

“In place of account holder’s name, a solid bar of green or blue colour indicates the residential status. These spurious accounts carry black bars.”

Brahma’s heads started to spin so fast, and Kuber felt a draft of breeze playing truant with his curly hair. Enjoying the breeze himself, Brahma took his own time to order the heads to come to a stop telling them he had to do some serious thinking. The spinning heads came to a stop and then Brahma spoke, “What help do you want?”

Kuber: If Chitragupta could sit with Yamadharmaraj, the issue could be quietly resolved without adverse publicity. This is the reason I came to you for advice and help.”

Brahma scratched one of his heads and said, “Their current where abouts is not known. They have efficiently ‘ghosted’ their thought-prints and are keeping their communication channels in jammers. By looking at their transactions, could you tell me where Chitragupta and Yamadharmaraj are currently?”

“Brahma, I am sorry. Trust and secrecy prevent disclosures to second or third party”

Irritated Brahma asked, “You mean like your history of being a mortal and half-brother of Ravan, getting defeated by him, my boon to Ravan that drove you away from your kingdom or my boon that elevated you  to divinity ??”

“Brahma, mine is an open secret and the accounts are closed secrets.”

Brahma: “Maybe, your issue with the ghost accounts could be resolved by my ‘fghosts’. Let me think for a while.”

Kuber felt like getting squeezed between ghost accounts and fghosts. Brahma came back with his suggestions. “I will depute three fghosts with clear instructions that no matter what, the trust and secrecy must not be sacrificed while resolving the issue.”

Getting the attention and help of Brahma lifted the burden of ghost accounts off his shoulders. Taking leave, Kuber returned to his abode. Then only he remembered that neither he had asked for details about Brahma’s ghosts. He did not like the going back to earn Bramha’s ire.

The handpicked fghosts arrived and Kuber wasted no time in briefing them on the issue of the current accounts held by ghosts. He further explained, as per bank’s secrecy laws their identity is not known and even if known cannot be revealed. Furthermore, his hands are tied as he could neither terminate the accounts nor stop transactions. After hearing out, one of the fghosts said, “This looks like describing a point in space where everything is there, but nothing could be there in reality!”

Kuber was expecting a solution, not a puzzle. To bring the focus back on the issue, he said, “Do you have any workable plan within the outlined ethics of this Bank@ Dev Lok?” The friendly ghost promised to come back with such a plan shortly but wanted to get acquainted with the procedures being followed. Kuber handed over a bulky volume with a confusing title, “Asks and do not asks”.

The fghosts requested permission to open their own accounts. Kubera was aghast at this request and began an internal battle with ethics of banking. Relenting to Kuber’s predicament, the fghosts suggested an alternative. They asked permission to leave some sub-nano devices in the bank after explaining that these sub-nano things will only detect and monitor the transaction patterns and are not intelligent enough to decipher personal details. Kuber worried about opening the bank ledgers for scrutiny was reluctance to act upon their request. Can he trust them? The answer came back loud and clear- How can he doubt Brahma’s confidants? 

Thinking that ‘not knowing is also a way to maintain secrecy, he did not ask them how these devices will work. He accepted the sub-nanos (without knowing what it meant) under a special account designated with ‘no deposit or withdrawal’ sticker. When the sub-nanos were delivered, Kuber was surprised to see they were almost invisible, unless seen under special lights. Expecting relief, he sighed in advance and completed the formalities without involving other members in the bank. He was proud to ensure that the veil of secrecy remains protected, to all the accountholders. 

The fghosts briefed Brahma and Kuber, on what their sub-nano devices have managed to gather. “A transaction is initiated in one of the accounts and it proceeds to deposit that in three other accounts. End of activity. A while after, two of the recipients dumped it back into the originating account. End of activity. The third recipient transacted with the first account and almost, keeping a minimum balance.  Now, a curious thing happens. All of them transact with each other and end up with the same balance in all accounts. As for as the operatives are concerned, the doubt in our mind is that all the accounts are held by a single ghost”. The fghosts looked at Kuber and Kuber looked at Brahma. 

Brahma asked Kuber, “Can you authorise the next step of deactivating that accounts? Of course you cannot close them, is there not another solution? Nodding his head Kuber said, “Not to my knowledge, but if these fghosts come up with an action plan...” 

The fghosts could not say no to crack a tough nut. They said, “Yes. Give us some space to think about it and come back.” Brahma was all smiles with the thought that he only chose these worthy candidates. Indicating the end of meeting, he hurried out leaving Kuber in an awkward silence with the fghosts, casting a gentle smile in their direction and left. 

The three fghosts settled down for a lengthy discussion on the possible options they could use, to deactivate the accounts. Ideas and counter ideas floated above their floating forms. Some of the passing by Dev Lok residents paused to enjoy this spectacle. Unaware of this attracted audience, the fghosts generated some more ideas, literally crowding the space above their floating forms. One idea bore the hallmark of a gem. Simple but could be turned effective for the purpose at hand. It involved two-pronged operation strategy and a super intelligent sub-nano device. Without waiting, they called on Kuber and briefed about their proposal. 

At this stage, without the blessings of Brahma, Kuber did not want to greenlight it straight away. As a result, once again Brahma got drawn in to this affair of current accounts of ghosts as an adjudicator or conscience keeper or receiver of blames, if the whole plan backfired. Confident of managing all the three objectives, he agreed to hear them out and offer his opinion at the end. 

The first fghost explained, “We will load a software in the brain of the super sub-nano device”. The second fghost added, “This device, once a transaction is initiated, will get triggered”. The third fghost on the final expected outcome explained, “During multiple transactions using these account holders’ trusted   modus operandi, successive, automatic artificial devaluation of the transacted value occurs. Soon the current accounts will become dead accounts with nil balance. Once the zero balance is reached, automatically these accounts are closed as per the “Asks and do not asks” document of the bank.”

Kuber: Will they not get status alert after each transaction? 

Fghosts: We have modified that status display to occur milliseconds before the accounts are being closed.

Brahma: I am pleased with your work but what about ghosts making attempts in future?

An account can be opened only if the coordinates of the originator match with that of Dev Lok! We believe generally ghosts don’t get free entry into Dev Lok! 

Both Brahma and Kuber sat speechless. The ingenuity and audacity of the plan left them searching for words to point out hidden lacunae or poke holes. Kuber got the solution and Brahma had the satisfaction of aiding the process. He graced the three fghosts with a million-sun bright smile, lighting up the whole Dev Lok!

Mathematical nightmares: Part 1: 324

A seasoned western politician bemoaned that the math is not adding up and in this imbroglio about 90% of the qualifying students found themselves bracketed. When all of us share the same solar system and the same stock of DNA, then what affects the West, will not affect east, south and Northern hemispheres also? This Universal truth hit ChintaMany like a tsunami and, dunked him under water. 

He was not worried about the erroneous multiplication affecting the conversion of $$ into other currencies or vice versa but regarding the poor standards they will apply in accounting these wrong numbers. Becoming alarmed, ChintaMany decided to figure out a solution for this mathematical mess. 

There was no other system to perform these functions without maths and he asked himself, “Why not invent a numberless and equation less system?” Though he wanted to assure those kids that they are not alone in struggling with maths, he realised that numbers can be real or imaginary but maths without numbers and equations? Instantly, he shelved the idea as impractical. 

If there is another way to deal with this mess, he was determined to find it. To be impartial, he spent some time studying how the student community fared in his own country. Not to leave the adult population in a limbo he included the grownups also in his mathematical survey, who willfully disobey addition and multiplication rules while trying to reach the realms of deep debts. If there was a hope, he resolved to find it and offer confidence to these unfortunate fellow travellers. 

He looked heavenwards with the hope that the world of Vedic astrology, the key planetary combinations and conditions may reveal the answer for this mathematical quagmire. Under similar planetary spells, the native kids and adults may well find themselves sailing in the same boat! 

The merciless Sun roasts any planet that dares to come too close and strips it down to its boxers. The planet’s   strength and ability to do good is vapourised.  ChintaMany wondered, “Is the Sun miffed at the ignominy of being considered as a mere planet, instead of a star and the kingpin”? 

In general, all the planets, including the Sun, suffer the malady of debility due to   natural enmity, inimical aspects or stay or transiting as an unwelcome guest. Smarting already with an ignominy, the Sun suffers a double whammy. The lunar nodes, cash in their perks for being shadow planets and go scot-free! 

In Vedic Astrology, Mercury is praised or blamed for proficiency or lack of it in mathematics. ChintaMany had only pity for the planet Mercury. Somehow it should anticipate the day of imminent birth at least 90 days in advance. Employing its own maths skill, it has to get out of the house where the Sun, Saturn, Rahu or Ketu reside and from its house of debility (Pisces) using up to 4 weeks. It has to come out of retrograde motion (3 weeks) and avoid house number 6 or 8 or 12 (1week) by spending another 4 weeks. One to two weeks to manoeuvre into a favourable house preferably the zodiacal signs Gemini or Virgo

In the remaining days Mercury has to study the curriculum vitae of the houses and their natural owners and appeal and receive the good graces of Jupiter and Mars. There is no room for error and miscalculation due to its eccentric orbit and the uncertainty on the rising of the 1^st house, which depends on the time of birth! The remaining time, maybe it spends in fervently appealing to the higher powers that the blame for poor showing in maths does not reflect on it! Favourable factors impel with the development of logic, calculations, and intellectual ability of the student. 

Though mankind had set foot and travelled on its soil   the Moon, waxing or waning, continues to discharge its planetary (a promotion!) duties without any let.  As the ruler of the mind, a weak or afflicted Moon could also join in the act to influence the houses related to education and intellect by affecting stability of mind and concentration making it difficult to focus on subjects like mathematics. How can Rahu and Ketu be separated from the Moon? When these lunar nodes get involved, the learner lands in a complex mathematical forest. Thoughts get distorted and clarity in analytical skills get hindered. 

Mercury, coming under the influence of Saturn leads to slow learning or concentration issues, but with hard work the individual may become proficient later in life. ChintaMany hoped that it would not be too late for the individual! ChintaMany wondered, could it be a weak Moon afflicted severely by a not-so favourably inclined Saturn the reason, why even adults struggle with numbers? Is Saturn living up to the saying ‘from cradle to grave’, as far as mathematical abilities are concerned because, as an exception, Mercury is not involved? Unfavourable key planetary combinations and conditions that weaken the potential of Mercury, impedes with the development of logic, calculations, and intellectual ability of the student. 

He did not fail to notice the surprising omissions. Mars and Venus have been denied the opportunity to meddle with mathematical ability, when most of the other planets have been blamed for a poor performance, and what credentials these sidelined planets lacked, why? Why, the planet Jupiter doles out benevolent influence at times as a moderator and on some other times shows a closed fist? 

ChintaMany wanted to dig in a little deeper and pay a closer look at the specific zodiacal signs, not conducive to education and intellect.  He took out the layout and inspected the houses that might trouble the transiting planets. He was disheartened to find out that almost 50% of the houses had red painted door at the entrance. 

Afflicted first house or its ruler affects the brain, overall capabilities and impacts the native's academic performance.  The second house or its ruler under similar conditions affect speech, understanding, and concentration, impairing the ability to grasp concepts clearly. If the fifth house, governing intellect and memory, and its ruler are not favourably positioned, the learning ability suffers. In addition, a blanket ban existed on the 6th, 8th, or 12^th houses in the birth chart.  

ChintaMany wondered why there are so many weak houses in astrology, like dilapidated buildings? Is it by design to throttle the surge of learning in general and mathematical excellence in particular? Now he understood the tremendous pressure on Mercury and why about 90% of the students struggled! 

Thinking about influences, ChintaMany had his own doubts.  If the book on mathematics, close at hand could not influence the student to excel in mathematics, then how the faraway planets residing or transiting through the light-years distant zodiacal signs could become responsible?  What about those who did not believe in astrology, per se?  Who knows, maybe, they are busy searching for a clue, for their mathematical limitations, to blame the comets and interstellar visitors! 

The world of politics and related financial management dumped a fresh load of doubts - how mathematical skill or lack of it fared in the hands of the ruling class?

With a meagre knowledge about how the political parties think, he bravely stepped in to find out the why and the how?  One thing became clear at the outset that the why could be in the guise of a welfare measures to cling on to power or as a pre-poll promise to claw back to power. Once the why became clear it was easy to guess the how. By borrowing, as if there was no tomorrow, and running up a mountain of debt as outstanding. 

Maybe, in the birth charts of these freebies-Netas the solar system has severe afflictions, occupy enemy houses and, for good measure, are threatened by malefic planets from the Local Group of Galaxies when it comes to a state or country's finances! The mathematics gets tossed overboard and revenue income finds its way into an expenditure black hole, never to see the light of a break-even. The saving grace for them is the afflicted birth chart of the rest of population in the nation and the freebies will continue to enjoy the rollercoaster ride!  

ChintaMany could not digest the fact that the politicians who get it 100% right on winnability, personal wealth and number of kith and kin in need of an uplift, failed to grasp the mathematics of debt!                                                                                                                               

He was equally puzzled about the sort of exotic and odd astronomical influences operate to force the army of seasoned and intelligent bureaucrats with acute mathematical acumen to assist and handle the astronomical debt figures notched up by these political extravaganzas! 

Unmindful of this willful wantonness and the overwhelming afflictions and collusions, the account under the head of freebies, kept on counting without a pause. this singular dedication of these numbers to count their progenies in billions, trillions, zillions and beyond. The numbers have decided to drown us all in debts! 

This shocking revelation brought ChintaMany, literally to his knees. Which generation would be paying off these piles of debts? Will that generation of youngsters be born without the planetary, comets, interstellar and inter and intra galactic afflictions in their birth charts, to master mathematics and not be scared of numbers with 12 or more digits? 

He hoped for a better sense to prevail in the heavens and for their own sake these future generations take birth with top-notch mathematical skills to handle the bequeathed, huge debts! 

These ancient texts and treatise on astrology solely relied on the planets in the solar system and the authors had not foreseen such incomprehensible events taking place, long after their demise. They had failed to rope in the comets and interstellar objects with extraordinary special aspects and include them to cause this national affliction. Or they lacked the will or computation skills to include extra-galactical objects to explain the unforeseen?  ChintaMany felt pity for those authors for missing out on this trail blazer of an opportunity. 

If they could easily miss the big elephant in the room, then what about him? To reassure himself, he wanted to check that only the usual planets, all in friendly mood and in friends’ house wearing anti-inimical vests resided in his horoscope!

His inner voice griped, “Why to trouble an astrologer, just look at the marks you had scored! Don’t take risks. Who knows whether the astrologer is sound in maths or just sounding off of maths?” 

After a little break, may be as part 2 exploration, he decided to find out what the western astrology had is store for those hapless students of mathematics in the western hemisphere.

He is at it, again! - 323-

Unsettle him a little, or when he does it to others or when he tries to be helpful, his anger boils over instantaneously, starts to mutter and utter before editing his audio files. Being wiser and ascertaining the background details before wading was not his strong point. Becoming trapped, he took to mutter loudly while iterating issues and scenarios within himself. 

Since there was no 'for your ears only' prohibitory order, these words, just loud enough, took to the air. It reached the ears of persons who took it as an indirect criticism. By this act, he always managed to let loose a cat among pigeons. They took note of it and came back at him with their own cats to stalk his pigeons.  Yes, he was aghast. No, he did not curb his intemperate, verbal missives (musings) at all!

His friends (I know a few of them), used to lob one liner jibes like this at him, "when in anger, you catch faster than a sodium vapour lamp or You tend to react for every incident, curb it or you will become a mental wreck.” They closed up like a clam when he came back with two liners “You don’t get to judge the depth of an ocean by standing on the shore or by measuring the height of waves. Remember, relationships are built with T-sand (Trust) and not M- sand (Misgivings)”. His friends stopped their one-liners! 

With his mutterings and then uttering of opinions, he had created a lethal combination and a sure-fire catalyst to generate hostility and painted himself as the willing target. His muttering and then uttering of opinions have become. Pity him! His brain circuit has been wired for compulsive and repeat mode. 

I will start with a personal experience. A news item about hackathon had triggered him. He came up with other words like walkathon, marathon, sleepathon, speakathon, workathon etc. He felt proud that he could contribute the last three words to enrich the language. Unable to check the enthusiasm, he came rushing to share it with me. Lo and behold! His glory only lasted a few milliseconds.  I, for the heck of taking a sweet revenge on him for his habitual two-liners, punctured his balloon by reciting a dozen more *-athons. Deflated and angered, he left without taking leave of me.  This made me to narrate whatever had happened because of his huff and puff tactics. 

For clarity’s sake, I have used italics to spot the footloose cat and the reaction of the pigeons. 

Let us see, what his footloose cat did among the pigeons. It was amongst his own family members. Undeterred by my letdown and unable to curb his anger, he started to mutter, " People would happily be lazy and then trot to a gym with a load of fat to burn.  Instead, can't they find household chores to let off steam, get things done, save money and keep fit?" 

Theis muttering unerringly found the ears of his just arriving home with a head filled with problems crying for workable solutions. He had been asking for a small help and was getting nothing but a “I will do it" as a reply from his son. He was getting upset because he had already collected seven such "I will do it' in a span of four days. 

Not a very complex task requiring rocket science. His collected notes and notebooks are stored in the attic and wanted to check on them. They have endured that many apartment changes and transplant operations along with the family. They had to give up the ground floor space to things considered more valuable, from utility point of view, and presently refugees in the attic. This “I will do it” became a flashpoint because he was unable to and prohibited from attempting to bring them down 

Iteration fueled by irritation, he started with the usual mutterings. As if on cue, his son dropped a dinner plate with a loud clang. No sooner he heard that sound, he uttered, "An unfulfilled promise will ring louder on the conscience."  

Reacting quickly, his son brought a step ladder, reached and pulled out a carton box. The wonder tape Heavily bandaged with the wonder tape, the carton box gave up hope and disgorged the contents through the bottom flaps. 

Down came his treasure and as a final instalment a BW photograph falling face-up completing the deluge. The phot had captured the father and son smiling like sunshine, years ago! Looking at the photo, the son boiled with anger forcing him to feel the heat of shame. The son having put up with these mutterings of one-liners and two-liners, decided to pay his father back in equal measures and said in a clear voice, “At least the dropped plate stops or breaks, and the floor has no conscience. Some people don't learn, is it not?” 

In a role reversal, he counted the pigeons set among his cat – plate stops; plate breaks; floor has no conscience. The message from these pigeons was an admonishment to stop or break the habit of muttering. He understood that along with the floor, his son had also indicted him on the photographic front. Honestly, he did not know why he had not got the photo fixed in a frame. 

This is about another footloose cat. He possessed a cherished souvenir from his school days.  During assembly, the headmaster (old school) lifted aloft the article mounted on a wooden plank, and said, " Look at this. If you work hard, your handicraft also will be appreciated like this." 

The credit really belonged to the craft teacher who had encouraged the students to use their imagination and make whatever article they wanted to.  He urged them to do their best and not to be weighed down by expectations. The one that came up for appreciation, in front of the entire school, was a dining table set made using bicycle spokes. Though it looked spindly but, in his eyes, it was a Picasso in bicycle spokes! Not a mean achievement for a thirteen- to fourteen-year-old! 

Now and then he would take hold of it in his hands, just to relive that euphoria and try to forget the lackluster academic performance he had managed.  On a particular gloomy day, he needed an ego boost and badly needed to hold that souvenir in his hands. It was his elixir to shore up his sagging mood which brazenly continued its downward swing.  To make the matter worse, that memorabilia had now gone missing from its usual place. 

In the house nobody had a clue about the missing souvenir. He was horror-struck at the state of security and wondered if an item can walk away just like that, then what guarantee is there that many other things had not followed suit? Distraught and irritated, he muttered, "If everyone has missed this one, then there could be many more that everyone has missed as well.” This muttering fell into the ears of his better-half and she promptly retorted, “before making sweeping statements, tell me how many things you could catalogue which we all have missed?” Confronted with the ‘catalogue challenge’, he found himself in the not-so-friendly hot water! 

His misfortune, and misadventure never came alone. From a simple handshake to a humble offer of help, he believed the other person would be equally courteous. Sadly, exceptions always existed along with the rule of etiquette. In reality, he had observed this kind of one-way traffic when his better- half went overboard to be of help and did not whine about it when being taken for granted.

He abhorred this ' taking for granted' attitude coming on top of the non-reciprocative gesture. As bad luck would have it, he muttered within earshot of his wife, “why people think getting help is just a one-way street?” His wife, refusing to join in an argument simply said, “why do you bother, you don’t even walk in a one-way street!”

Instead of keeping to his own counsel, he muttered “Why people have this insane predilection to deposit money in a hibernating account!” Even at the peak of his anger, he patted himself for coming up with a new word -hibernating account. The trigger was a news item which detailed how due to a fat-finger syndrome a bank managed to transfer lakhs of rupees into an inoperative account. Annoyed with his asides and besides, his better half, still on the scene asked him, “Do you have any account like that? Mutter and utter the number, now! Poor fellow had unwittingly set a flock of pigeons among the mother-cat! 

Another day and another of his footloose cat. His grandchildren came down from the bus with disappointment written all over their faces. Without ascertaining the context, he hurriedly framed the words that he hoped will take the sting out of their dejection. While walking with them, he started muttering, “For every winner on the podium, there are many losers on the ground." Instead of addressing their disappointment, he had managed to add fuel to the already raging fire. But our muttering-in-chief did not notice that the children’s usual chatter and banter had abruptly stopped. 

At home, the grandchildren revealed the real reason. They were sad not because they had lost in a competition but by the sharp criticism they had received from their Science and Mathematics teachers. Tutored and encouraged by yours’s truly, they had attempted to arrive at the same conclusion by a different approach. The teachers thought it was an out-of-the- text book excursion and promptly awarded question marks instead of marks! He, not knowing the background, had jumped too many guns and fired his muttering cum uttering, to further upset the kids. 

The whole family ganged up against him and said without mincing the words, "If you can't teach as prescribed and match your utterings with the prevailing situation, then stop making others getting more upset." 

In the end, it was the grandkids who chose to utter the words the elders dared not – “Grandpa, you need a factory reset!" He started to blame his ‘muttering before uttering’ for losing face even in front of his grandchildren 

Did he mind? Not to my knowledge, as he keeps finding himself in one mess after another.  Wonder, how do I know all these things?  Because, I happen to be a decade long neighbour, though he has been trying to forge a close friendship, though I neither got close nor strayed far. For courtesy sake, I had been wishing him the occasional good mornings and tin this narrative did not refer him by his name except as “he”! 

 why am I keeping him at a distance? Two reasons - I am allergic to pigeons and cats. I was also politely trying to avoid reding the dumped many drafts on my lap. He is a prolific writer, bent upon seasoning and aging the alphabets as far as he could push them. I am sure if are forced to read his so-called literary efforts, you would also come to the same conclusion!

Imaginch and his Universal worries: -322-

If the universe is the answer, then what was the question? Really a tough nut of a question to crack. Imaginch decided to make an attempt whether it was rhetorical or philosophical. The Universe is immeasurable in size, content and complexities. It contains mysteries like dark energy, dark matter and regular matter, God particles and God only know particles, planets, comets and mystery laden interstellar objects.  This much he knew.

It operates fusion plants to birth protostars from enormous gas clouds and keeps tight control on the transformation of these infants into main sequence stars, giant & supergiant stars in blue and red colours. These the aged, giant and supergiant stars, after consuming easily fusionable materials collapse inward, under ever increasing gravitational pressure and their cores become millions of degrees hot. Reaching a breaking point, they explode spectacularly as a supernova or a hypernova explosions. 

The lean mass stars are incapable of sustaining the fusion reactions for long and are unceremoniously relegated to become the planetary nebulae, white & black dwarfs. Medium mass stars which tun into sun like stars (yellow dwarf) and end as red giants disintegrating into a planetary nebula which then become white dwarfs and fade as black dwarfs. Heavy mass stars become hyper and super red & blue giants and explode as supernovae ending in a black hole or a neutron star (magnetars & pulsar). The remnant debris left over from these exploding fusion reactors produce heavier elements, electromagnetic waves and extreme cosmic rays. 

There is a purpose in this madness. Or else, how it could upgrade the next generation stars with richer and heavier elements as starting material unless it distributes the heavier elements, stardust and nebulous clouds into the vastness of space?  The ejected mass of enormous gas clouds, rich in heavy elements such as silver, gold, platinum etc, becomes the starting material for forming beautiful planetary nebulae which in turn produce the next generation stars and planets. 

Imaginch stood awestruck by the power and beauty of these ultra efficient recycling plants where it could pulverise the cores of these nuclear reactors, at will and with an “iron” hand! It believes in taking one star generation at a time to reach its goals and the only way forward is by orchestrating different kinds of celestial explosions. 

The Universe has a role for the formed back holes and neutron stars.  The black holes have to monitor the local groups, keep the planetary nebulae and their star population under control while performing additional duty as a super vacuum cleaner.  How else the Universe would collect and crush debris, dusts, ejected star shells and even the errant stars to keep the raw materials supply chain for the next generation celestial objects?`

For entertainment, it keeps bending the very fabric of spacetime and to remind the celestial bodies, tiny or ultra super giants, that the Universe is the boss! Like a puppeteer it pulls the lightyears long strings, as it does not want the celestial bodies to get entangled or collide with each other during the performance of the cosmic dance. 

Acting like a business tycoon, it goes after acquisitions and mergers. If the deal goes sour, it lets the entities to fight it out among themselves and silently watches the collisions and annihilations resulting in bursts of Gamma-ray, spewing of remnant materials and push gravitational waves through the spacetime fabric. 

Imaginch started to worry – is the universe becoming reckless and careless or over-burdened or plainly bored with certain entities? Or has it found a quicker way to recycle? After managing all these activities, spanning over astronomical distances, the universe still has time and energy to expand and enlarge its space. Pursuing its   architectural hobby, the Universe builds gigantic structures and bridges spanning millions of light years! 

Obviously, for this cosmic realtor dealing in millions and billions is just a pocket change. To bewilder us, it operates a cosmic theatre fitted with gravitational lenses, to give us a peek at the primordial stellar objects from its depths. The Universe seems to say without saying it - “what you see through these lenses now are not what you will ever get to see.”

Unable to live with his worries any longer, Imaginch posed a question to the Universe. “Why are you allowing all these to happen?” 

The Universe thought it would be better to come clean and reply. “You are still confused because you had merely collected so much information but failed to convert it into knowledge to appreciate the workings of the Universe!  If you need a refresher course, for brevity’s sake, I will give my reasoning.  

Destruction and construction have to go hand in hand. How on earth would you get the heavier elements silver, gold, platinum and other heavy element deposits to extract, unless celestial bodies merge, explode and produce gamma ray and heavy elements? How do I produce the abundant materials for the next generation stars to form? How am I to make magnetic stars and nebulae if I don’t allow collisions, explosions?  

Am I not sending gravitational waves as signals of such events so that you people don’t get scared? Collisions and mergers are not by accidents but a regulated recycling process member, I am the Boss! 

Aha, really you think you have a tough task in solving the enigma “If the universe is the answer, then what was the question?” 

Am I not handling seamlessly the task of charting paths for trillion upon trillion galaxies and quadrillion upon quadrillion upon quadrillion stars, planets, dwarf planets, comets and star debris and keeping track of them in finite orbits forever. A small worry but I have the trump card called the four-dimensional fabric of spacetime curvature, to make them behave properly. Mind it, I have to be vigilant for ever! Of course, there are few galaxies, ejected black holes and run-away stars trying to chart their own independent paths and manage to collide in a death-wish. Now think, who has the toughest task in the Universe?” 

Imaginch's mind was panting like an athlete clocking six seconds to finish a hundred-meter dash! Still, he had no clue as to the answer for "What was the question?"  Not giving up hope, he continued to pose many rhetorical and philosophical questions to himself, to dig out the probable question that would have been asked. 

From where we came into existence and why?

For what purpose we exist?

Oh! Maybe, to ask the first question! (This attempted humour fell flat on his face.)

If we had not come into existence, then what?

Where from our medieval, modern and evolving post-modern theories and knowledge originated?

When everything, even the light, cease to exist, then what will be there? 

The answer for all the above questions invariably came up as ‘The Universe’ 

He was disappointed to note that his questions lacked the elegance to be worthy of evoking that answer. Yet his mind kept nagging him with the question, “If universe is the answer, then what is the question?” For good measure it added a warning, “It will still exist to keep trying to get your question!” 

Eager to settle the issue, he asked this question to his mind “If universe is everything, then the question could not have come from someone from the universe itself is it not? If so, did it come from outside of this universe? Imaginch commanded it to try and guess ‘who would have given this answer and who had asked that question?”  

He was aware that theoretically the existence of parallel and multiverse is possible. As a consequence, theoretically this question coming from an alien origin is also a possibility. This possibility raised multiple questions: “who in this Universe could understand the statement made in an alien language?  Who is that alien residing unbeknownst to us? Why should an alien come up with this question to get that answer unless this question was asked to seek clarity or to emphasise a greater purpose?” 

Imaginch remembered reading about Nobel laureates, who have experimentally proved that the universe isn’t locally real.  This led him to get confused by thinking that, if this universe is not totally real, then parallel, multiverse and the aliens, the question and the answer also could be locally unreal or imaginary. When the universe may not be locally real then he, Imaginch has every probability of being locally unreal! Is the universe not worried being locally unreal? 

At this juncture, frightened and shaken, he wondered ‘why the Universe has gone silent and not talking to him like it did while lecturing about destruction and construction, collisions and mergers. It had boasted of playing the spacetime curvature trump card to steer and shepherded 99.99999% of the celestial behemoths and dwarfs in precise orbital paths. Of being the bog boss and bragging about its cosmic log listing numbers in millions, billions, trillions and quadrillions, as if it was nothing but a pocket change!” 

He did not know why he is bothered about the question and the questioner? As like him, will there not be alien minds in other purported universes, making similarly attempts to find out what is the question and who asked it? 

His knowledge bank and question bank simultaneously getting exhausted, he safely concluded that the answer would remain the same, in the respective categories, for those who believed in a parallel or multiple or even in an infinitesimal Planck Universe 

A serious doubt crept in. Is the universe itself trying to find out what could be the question that brought up its existence as the answer? Or is the universe asking him indirectly to answer the question “who could manage all these celestial events? If so, how the answer got into his mind to set him in search of the question?” 

At least, he got to enjoy a brief glimpse on the working of the Universe. This tour into the realm of the universe has been educative and helpful in enlarging his data bank. He realised that this feat would not have been possible but for the efforts of tribes of astronomers, their published works and their tacit approval. Yet his knowledge bank did not open its counter to answer that question. He had vainly searched for an equivalent to cul-de-sac in the parlance of the universe, reaching a dead end. 

Stymied, he took a detour and decided to let his brain to explore on its own. No problem on who comes up with the question. At last, the spark plug came alive and jolted his mind to pop out the question:

 " Which is not bound by time but gets time to bind with it? 

A hypernova exploded in his mind and the pulsar beamed the answer, " The universe!" The universe does not simply exist in time; it outlives everything including the Time. Time is something the universe continuously uses to write lessons for us!  Now, blame yourself for not thinking about the question that I nudged into your brain. 

Having had enough worries about the universe, Imaginch started to believe that universe knows why it is doing what it is doing and what for. He will be safe as long as he did it a wide berth. This made him to feel happy.

Imaginch fails to reform the UN: - 321-

Wonder why of all the billions of people, Imaginch should be overly concerned? To keep his mind engaged he needed a concern, even if it did not concern him directly. He did not know why he did it, but anyways did it!

Imaginch expected the UN and its member states to be ideologically, politically, commercially and geographically neutral. In his opinion, this tall edifice has progressively undergone repainting with brushes dipped in motivated ideology, commercialism, political intolerance, bullying tactics and camps separated by continents. 

Like a periodic comet, the annual ritual starts with head of states or high-ranking dignitaries selling to the world, their current and future distorted visions. Speeches laden with swipes at each other, to add punch lines to their dreary translated contents echoing through head-sets. When these speeches end, the permanent representatives move in to carry forward the foreign policy briefs left by their respective dignitaries.

As members of various committees and commissions, these representatives live behind closed doors, in conference rooms, to conduct hectic lobbying ‘euphorically’ labelling it as intense parleys. How else a representative could project or protect his or her nation’s teeth in the game?  If that nation happens to be a bully, then it is compulsory for the other members to wear soft, kid gloves. This reality was his current concern.

He rued that the UN has become the stage for exhibiting brinkmanship rather than statesmanship. Over the time it has quietly settled in to the role of a passenger with guaranteed free boarding and lodging. Still, the members continue to respect and maintain one decorum - no fisticuffs. Instead, the members freely engage with each other using oral versions of jiu-jitsu or kung fu!

The short clips of the UNGA proceedings, floating through like a flotsam, kept his worry filled mind on boil.  He blamed himself for tracking this enacted annual ritual and analyses through various media outlets. He wondered why none of the UN Secretary Generals have not thought of installing   heckle-o-meters and shame-o-meters to monitor the behaviour of the members and the countless committees, to assist as the third umpires? Instead of fostering peace, why they watched helplessly when one nation toppled regimes, started wars with missiles and tariffs?

Why the UN allows use of designations and sanctions as tools of deterrence?  Sanctions help a bullying nation to hegemonise by applying brute force and keep that backdoors open for selfish aggrandizements. Attaching these labels to terror entities rarely does anything other than giving them global recognition and to become powerful magnets to attract publicity, funds and other such group. These dictates fall flat and ineffective when the nation, where these groups reside and operate from, walks away with windfall gains to eradicate the very same group from its soil!  

These add value to.   The leaders and prominent lieutenants of the terror groups become valuable as a hefty bounty! Rides on their heads. This does not affect their public appearances and it is business as usual.  Why would they fear when elite military personnel accompany and stand guard inside or outside their residences, which again for operational conveniences are co-located with in a barrack? 

Why nobody has thought about totally revamp this ineffective UN setup, living beyond expiry date? 

Feeling frustrated and tired, Imaginch had a cold shower. a hot meal he called it a day. The moment his head hit the pillow, he hoped to go in to a much-needed sleep. But the process of falling asleep had its own SOP.

“Drop the body temperature. Lower the heart beat and slow down the breathing rates. Relinquish hold over body’s awareness. Induce rapid eye moment. Increase brain activity. Induct temporary muscle paralysis and clear the path for a deep sleep or a slow-wave sleep.  Now allow entry for the dream or dreams.  Repeat this cycle from the beginning to end, once in 1.5 to 2 hours.”

SOP be damned! His subconscious mind relentlessly kept processing every scrap of stored information to produce random, symbolic, or reflective dreams. In effect, the subconscious mind has converted his sleep time as a rent-free theatre with dreams as special shows! In the midst of all these, he could not understand, why the subconscious mind should try to solve bothersome issues he himself wanted to leave on back burners? Why should it project and remind him of unfulfilled desires, which he himself had stopped dreaming about?  These thoughts operated on a different SOP, preventing him from falling asleep. To have the last laugh, and acting like the UNGA he designating his subconscious mind as the primary villain and the conscious mind as its side kick!

This cyclic and disturbing sleep and dream sequences left him clueless as he could neither recollect nor make sense out of these nebulous dreams. But the stubborn conscious mind simply refused to ignore them as random noises and ended up chasing flocks of wild geese in an attempt to find meaningful connections or interpretations. A strange voice kept reminding him, like a side track, that a balanced diet and balanced sleep  is essential for a healthy life.

Few days later, Imaginch had one of such a blue moon kind of vivid dream playing out with such a clarity, he could not simply ignore. It made him to get up from sleep to make sure that it was only a dream.

It had a particular recurring theme mirroring unconnected incidents, echoing unwanted arguments and dragging his weary legs to visit unknown places. This worried him. Even in this dreamy state, he remembered to have decided to find out the reason for that dream about the UN dream kept recurring. 

He was disheartened to learn that “A circuit in the brain can push one’s behaviour into a compulsive and “repeat mode.”  How does it do it?  Further reading pointed out “the nexus between the brain, the nucleus accumbens and the hypothalamus to energise a region processing negative experiences in the lateral habenula”. This answer left the question whether the same wiring would force a person with nagging thoughts to gnaw at it, compulsively and repeatedly. He felt that the repetitive scary dreams are less threatening than the lengthy physiological terms and explanations. 

Getting fed up, he decided to take it upon himself to affect its overdue reformation. It was anyways overdue for a major overhaul, since the founding principles of the institution has been steadily going southwards. Here, a self-doubt arose - has he the locus standi to be anywhere near New York, leave alone the UN? What if? He decided to do it on a paper and at home!

To set the ball rolling, he decided to cancel the ‘permanent member’ tag and the vote mechanism.  Instead, he will constitute an enlarged Security Council comprising and not exceeding one third of the UN membership.  Each continent gets to select 5 members agreeing to rotate the tenure to get equitable representation.

Next, he wanted to give the post of Secretary General the marching orders.  He or she will be replaced with a secretary from each of the continents, vested with equal administrative powers.

With the General Assembly’s unanimous approval, the Secretaries will constitute the various UN Committees and Commissions, ensuring proportional representation to each of the continents in the appointments as members.

The annual ritual is mandated to be dignified with the visiting heads of states or high-ranking officials speaking to the world, about their current and future visions for the world. Talks peppered with punch lines and exhibition of martial skills in jiu-jitsu or kung fu is dealt with a heavy penalty*. The offending Nation’s representatives in various committees will be debarred for a period of time. Then, the leaders leave their foreign policy briefs with the committee members to carry them forward with follow up actions.

Resolution of any nature must be sponsored by a two thirds majority of the full strength and not of those present and voting. Abstaining or walk outs as face saving measure or friendly gesture will have consequences as mentioned previously*.

When a resolution goes to the Enlarged Security Council (UNESC), the countries in question must also be represented and after deliberations the reason for the vote, two thirds voting for or against the resolution, must be spelled out. The country that faces the probable nay-vote will have the right to defend and, if not satisfied, can register its protest. In this situation, the General Assembly has to discuss the issue afresh, pass another resolution and send it back to the UNESC. This check and balance will do away with the practice of highhanded arm twisting as a modus operandi.

Before the reforms, a blind or short-sighted resolution proposed in the General Assembly hung in the balance, awaiting the guillotine of a veto. Any nation having teeth in the game to project or protect its standing, subjected the committee or commission members to intense lobbying pressures and in turn to gain the support of UNSC members for a guaranteed favourable veto. Murder and mayhem got buried and the aggressor walked away with sympathy, finance and ammunitions. In an act of solidarity, the perpetrator was gifted with a victim card. Not to leave the victim in limbo, the committees or commissions blamed and showed yellow and red cards before blowing the whistle.

This sort of sovereign backing was clinched after burning some serous midnight oil in fancy restaurants. For an economically struggling nation, the expenditure of this midnight oil burning diplomacy would be enough to feed at least a thousand hungry mouths for a day. Financially bankrupt or not, politically it was important for the perpetrator or aggressor to keep up the prestige of the nation in the UN and at home. A small price the hungry mouths have to sacrifice for the sake of their mother or Father land.

After his reforms this lobbying practice will get simply shown the door. The cost and efforts to curry such a favourable vote, will now be of astronomical proportion and no nation rich or poor or desperate can foot the bills of this magnitude.  

At this point, Imaginch felt immense relief and happiness for marshalling his guts to say the unsayable and do the unthinkable. To cap his efforts, he had two more things to add. (1). Stationing the peacekeeping force shall no longer be a freebee. Forthwith, it will be a pay and use system.  The aggressor gets punished and bears 75% of the expenditure. The aggrieved gets a breathing space and pays 25%. (2). Henceforth, UNESC shall not hang the fancy tags of “designated” and “sanctioned” on the necks of error outfits and cartels etc. UN members are mandated to comply with and freeze their finances. Forcefully isolate the nation that aids and abets terrorists by closing the tap on financial aid and bailout packages to that nation.

As usual, his inner voice had a few misgivings and raised some serious objections.

(1). How in UN, the present permanent members would relinquish their holds on the world body?

(2). Will the countries in the continents nominate members to your EUNSC, without quarrelling among themselves?

(3). You are in the UN and not Utopia. When in the history of UN there was a unanimous voting? How do you expect a resolution to be passed by two thirds majority of UNGA members? You implied but not specified a two thirds majority for EUNSC, am I correct?

(4). Are you dreaming? Do you expect all the other member countries to comply with and act against any nation or blacklisted outfits as per UNESC or UNGA resolutions?

(5). The cost sharing formula for having peace keeping boots on the ground is imaginatively touché and I like it!

(6) You have managed to bring in a continental shift in geopolitics by revamping the UN.  Its functioning will not only the pathetic than that of the current UN. Will not encourage the continents to open branches and start functioning as local power centers.

Imaginch started to have misgivings that his dream project might be heading for a point beyond the South Pole (he deemed the cliché ‘going south’ as a lowly description). Not to lose any more sleep over reforming he decided to address his suggestion: “UN should have a new flag showing a whistle and yellow and red cards. This would be befitting and reflect the changed character of the charter of the UN. So, design and hoist this flag to keep in tune with the times.”