The pseudo suo motu case: 337

If something exciting might lead to something useful for the something, and when that something seemed reluctant to appeal, then the suo motu judge wanted to try it out. He had depleted the supply of legal pads and furnitures by doodling and whitling away the wood.  The court and his chamber having nothing more to offer, as sacrifice at the altar of his hobby, resulted in this dire situation, forcing him to search for a brief and the skills of his go-to pro bono lawyer. 

To be honest with himself, he accepted that the opening sentence was a bit confusing and felt the need for an expert opinion to decode and ferret out his suo motu case.  Geopolitics unwittingly ended up giving a brief and respite to him. Itching for a good legal fight though feeling blindfolded, he started looking for his legal luminary. 

Probably, scared of the judge’s earlier verdicts or worried about getting tangled in some more suo motu cases, the duo including his nephew, whom he was trying to groom as a trial lawyer, have vanished without leaving digital footprints. He thought - Clever guys, might have bought 2^nd or 3^rd hand burner phones to escape from his court.  The judge presides over a defunct court, which he had usurped, and nobody cared what he did or did not do there. 

Though an unrecognised legal luminary (no harm in blowing a small note in his own trumpet!), still he knew which switches functioned and which did not in that premises. Unfortunately, these things did not give him peace of mind, except the use of pads and wooden furnitures for his hobby. And this did not sit well with him. 

One of such functioning switches diverted power to an incandescent bulb which lit an anaemic glow in his mind. When this eureka moment (powerful or weak) occurred, his lordship was precariously perched on a table, which was trying to perfect some dance movements. He controlled himself from jumping up and by force of court room habit, from shouting ‘Eureka, Eureka, Eureka’.  What if they don’t come to the court, the court will go and get them. 

He ran a mental directory of places, where normally these two lawyers hung out, occasionally visited and rarely revisited. His logic dictated to search in that place where no one would expect them to be. He chose the category of rarely revisited place and presto he found them, lolling under the shade of a withered tree, in a namesake forest which like his court existed only on paper. 

The judge had a sense of humour. At the mere sight of them he burst out laughing and asked, “What made you to think that you could hide from me? Have you become so lazy to search for a healthy tree? Get up, you lazy bones! We have an interesting suo motu to deal with. Listen carefully and let me see how will you handle it and what will be the verdict"

Precisely to avoid the judge and his penchant for taking suo motu cases and drag them in as pro bono counsellors on issues like ‘ant stealing sweets to America not buying weapons from other countries’, they were lolling under that withered tree. 

Annoyed, they asked him why a session of his court in this forest? 

The reply judge gave them a Taser jolt – “the case is legally outside the jurisdiction of even the regular courts. Though prima facie it is ultra vires, I am invoking ex arbitrio judicis, to hold this session. So, we will try it even in a jungle or a namesake forest. Understand, suo motu cases cannot wait for the convenience of courts or counsellors. Since you people have not turned up at court, I came over here.” 

Leaving the counsellors speechless, the judge asked, “Do you have any pretrial and post-trial motions before we start the proceedings?”  Mesmerised by this eloquent speech laden with Latin terms, a snake started to slowly ascend on the stump of the tree on which the judge had decided to preside from.  The duo wondered what law points this slider wanted to hear! Unaware of this, the judge while searching for a piece of wood to use as gavel, almost went over the head of the snake. 

The duo murmured to themselves, " Why should he saddle us with this judgeship?"

The judge, sensing imminent threat to his bench (tree stump) said hurriedly, " Not so fast. One of you to prosecute and the other to defend. Now, read the docket and proceed when ready, I am all ears!" 

Forced to enact a drama, the senior pro bono counsel declared himself as the opposing advocate leaving the judge’s nephew the role of the prosecutor. The case docket proclaimed, “The boon and bane of deals” 

Nephew:  A deal is beneficial, if both the parties feel it would be better to forget and move on.

Pro bono: Not if the deal is brokered by a third party. Then there stands the gift horse and affected parties should not hesitate to look into its mouth.

Nephew: No. will this not amount to mistrust, as deals are trust based?

Pro bono: Yes. They should be, but perspectives differ. After all, the deal or a war basically revolves around perspectives of one or the other involved.  

The judge to mark his presence intoned, “I agree. Counsellors move it on.”

The counsellors exchanged a quick “horse or the case?” Though he could not hear it clearly, the judge sent them a warning look. 

Pro bono: “Striking a deal in commerce, trade and economy is beset with mindsets, across the negotiating table. Ego hangs thick in the air. After many iterations, a finalised deal will still be advantageous to one of the sides. 

Nephew: Then, without splitting more hairs, pack the bags and leave with what you could get 

The judge almost applauded this decisive verbal blow on the pro bono but reined in his enthusiasm to clap. He sorely missed his unwhittled gavel left in his chamber? 

The judge, to inject clarify, asked, “Don’t we need negotiators when wars are raging or conflicts are boiling? 

Pro bono: I would not trust political negotiators. Wars or conflicts need hardened negotiators who understand and speak the language of bullets. Territories and boundaries are not easy commodities to strike a deal with.  

Judge prompted his nephew, “Any counter?” 

Nephew: Certainly judge. The learned pro bono counsell not preferring political negotiators is surprising to me Sovereignty and self-respect or ‘conflict gone too far to make any difference now attitude’, are the complicating factors or the potholes and speed breakers. It becomes hard for the deal maker to drive through objections. 

Pro bono:  Prosecution is judging the full movie by looking at a single scene. What happens if the deal maker runs out of patience or has other deals to broker? Is it not conflict of interests? If a lone deal maker enters the scene, there might be many inducements and quid pro quos on offer to seal a deal. In the case of my type of bullet-language negotiators, it would be a cut and dried deal. 

Nephew: Will not the quid pro quo might be monetary help to one and sell armaments to the other nation as an insurance policy for a possible future conflict? 

Pro bono: Judge, I object strongly the imputation that a quid pro quo is to prepare the other nation for a future conflict. The fine print in the peace accord might contain a clause allowing the deal maker to own a military base or a mining right as facilitator's charge. After the ink dries on the accord, both the parties wonder why they themselves could not have waved the white flags and saved the base and the mines! That is why I said, I would not prefer political negotiators. 

Nephew: The negotiators come into picture only when the so-called waving of white flags did not happen. 

This rebuttal pleased the judge, though he felt it was an argument suffering with anaemia. 

Pro bono: If two or three deal makers descend, this would raise the complexities in the complicated negotiations. Each one will be trying to land the best maximum quid pro quo advantage for their respective countries, benefitting   Commerce, Trade and armament industries. Where is equity in this? 

The prosecuting counsel lost his cool and looked menacingly at the pro bono counsellor. To defuse the situation quickly, the judge loudly clapped his hands and cried order ,order ,order.  Rattled by this sudden thunderclap, the snake lost further interest in the proceedings and the judge’s body parts, slowly uncoiled itself from the tree stump and left. 

Unaware of the fangs that, by a mere kissing distance, missing to inject a dose of venom, the judge asked, "Why female negotiators are not on the scene? 

Nephew: They are tough negotiators. That is why female deal makers are not deputed. 

Looking at pro bono counsellor, the judge asked, “Want to add or oppose?” 

Pro bono: (who dares to go against?!) “Their intuitive assessment and focus will primarily be on what the population will get out of it rather than what business would flow into the armaments and mining industries. Not only they are tough but reaching an accord …...” 

As the arguments whizzed over his head, the judge sat like a frozen statue. Breaking the trance, he asked.  "Counsellor, all these happen before or during or after the war?" If all these have happened before start of a conflict, I am inclined to reject the argument. If these things are happening during a war, then I have some questions." 

Actually, the counsellors were clutching at non-existent straws. They welcomed the opportunity to know what those questions the learned judge would be coming up with. 

An anti-Eureka moment struck the learned judge. To buy some time in order to find wiggle room, he did what he could do, at any time as a judge. Announced an adjournment citing other legal engagements! 

The nephew murmured a quip "Maybe with the neighbour feeding a pack of stray dogs that bark and howl at the judge, whenever they see him." 

Pro bono (murmured): “Has he gone out of his mind? The judge had declared an adjournment, here in this namesake forest! 

The judge heard these asides as loud as the barking of those stray dogs. He decided to take his nephew to task after dealing with the dogs. He made a mental note to review all such snide remarks before writing the judgement on this case. At this point, a supernova eureka moment exploded in his mind. Recovering poise and with a smug smile he announced, “There was no such suo motu case and I just wanted to check how sharp your legal brains were functioning!” 

Turning toward his nephew, he said, “bark is better than getting bitten – case wise and canine wise!” 

Irritated by this intruding attitude of the judge they replied “Judge, we too played the same game.  Till some time back, there was a venomous snake taking measurements before taking a jab at you. We lost the opportunity to witness that precision strike as exactly at that point you thunder clapped for order in the proceeding. Our loss, we regret!

Judge, you are not a kid anymore to be playing April Fools in the month of August. We knew you were up to something when we saw the masked case title, " Negotiated treaty or betrayal?". Having come so far let us help you to gather some wood for your whittling leisure.

The judge found himself royally stumped, forced to sit on a tree stump!  Not in a position to threaten them with contempt of court, he decided to give them a hand in collecting wood pieces for his hobby.

You wonder what was the verdict? We will hear it when they come out of the woods!

Part-1 Adalat in Brahma Lok: 368

He had never witnessed such a gathering of semi-gods, lesser gods and souls that have attained ‘nirvana’ in front of his residence. It not only disturbed the meditation regime but brought forth the concern that at this point of time, the stalwarts Chitragupta and Yamadharmaraj were conspicuously absent. The issue has generated much consternation, and everyone present had a complaint against one entity- Narad. Brahma toyed with the idea of recusing himself and request either Vishnu or Shiva to adjudicate in the matter.

His heads rose immediately in rebellion and hinted that recusal may well result in the erosion of confidence in the impartial nature of Brahma. Instead, they argued that this issue could be turned into an advantage to establish the indisputable fact that it is not easy to sway the opinion of Brahma and assured that they will resolutely stand by to maintain the balance of power, both physically and legally.

Immediately, he ordered Narad to be at hand, while complaints against him are being presented. Brahma thought with worries, “What did Narad do? Not known to be for or against anyone, why complaints are being raised now? In fact, he happens to be a good diplomat and agent provocateur, without personal attachments in both the roles. So far, his periodic assessments have been of the gem stones embedded class.”

Fortunately, and with foresight, he had constituted a generic committee comprising of members from this very gathering, which might be advantageous. But in the Adalat, Narad being his progeny will remain only as an inconsequential fact. Without carrying any weight. 

Taking the seat, Brahma indicated that he was ready to hear their complaints, though he had already received their brainwaves borne thinking even before they had decided to meet with him. But in life, pretense pays. This gem of wisdom has been presented to him by none other than his proteges Chitragupta and Narad. 

Brahma asked, “What is your complaint?” Smitten by hesitation, the gathering started to explain.

 “Apart from visiting other Lokas, Narada visits the Earth the most. On returning, he gives a vivid picture on the happenings, like a sound and light show, in which actual earthlings and their activities, amnesties and strange looking moving things in air, on water and on the surface of earth.

There large crowds stood behind fenced off area. On a raised stage, erected a little away from the crowd, a few dignitaries occupy the dais and one of them keeps on talking. Narada patiently explained afterwards that it was a political meeting, and the speaker was promising everything, will be given free, except life, if his party comes to power.

Narad elaborated, in a democracy people elect rulers and they can happily borrow wealth, pocket some, distribute some and after their tenure ends leave the burden as debt for the coming generations to settle. When we asked, where the speaker has an account in the Bank of Kuber, he did not reply.

Narad had conveniently forgotten to hint that here too we could have elections, promises, debts and so on…The way he described the happenings on Earth makes us sad that we have been missing out on all these possible thrills and excitements, so long! This is our complaint on Narad for not being proactive to initiate such changes here in Brahma Lok.” 

A team consisting of semi-god, lesser gods and the elevated spirit tried to estimate the elapsed time in terms of the orbital motion of a faraway star. To give them a shock, Brahma meddled with the speed and position of that star. He too wanted to enjoy some fun by watching the orbits of confusion on their faces.

As he was hearing the complaints, his heads offered a four-way counselling to these misguided litigants who have misunderstood the purpose for which Narad shared information, after each visit to other Lokas.  

“Follow The edicts that operate.” The first head suggested.

Here the system governs without absolute power. On planets like Earth activities from getting up to going back to sleep generates chaos, conflicts and law & order problems. Various forms of governance are required to deal with different kinds of aberrations. Here in Brahma Lok, life goes on in an orderly fashion. All of us are governed by our free will, which is governed by local customs and which are governed by universal mandate. 

This circular justification offered by his second head left Brahma wondering whether the gathering would ultimately reach the conclusion that he rules without having absolute power and a doubt whose side this head is on? 

The third head pointed that according to Narad, the way of life is basically different with power and need ever on the increase. Here, these things do not exist. Brahma understood the reference was to Earth, but he had no reason to find fault with Narad’s frequent tours to Earth. 

The fourth head cautiously pointed out that the rabble rousing is a special technique perfected by human beings and the vocabulary used is anathema in Brahma Lok. Brahma had a jolt when he extracted the meaning from this hint.  He was very much familiar with rabble rousing and engineered vocabulary. He vividly recollected the visit to Earth along with Chitragupta, whence they happened to witness a political meeting from the sidelines of a barricade. The impact and the bitter memory were still fresh in his mind. 

One of the ‘nirvana’ stamped souls, ventured forward to present the collective thinking of the gathering. It explained that since creation, the Lokas have been in a status quo limbo and why not change it to a quid pro quo status? 

Now it became clear to Brahma where the gathering wanted to go. The secret coming out of hiding did not surprise Brahma. Narad has stirred the pot once again, aiming to achieve something beyond the quid pro quo status. He wondered " What could be the game plan? Whether he should go along with it or negative it?" 

His collective heads intoned, " why not give it a try?" This quick, uninvited counselling made Brahma to suspect whether his heads are under his control or they have become spokespersons for Narad?  

"There is an easy way and a hard way. To understand this, if hard way is the path they choose, then let it be". One of the heads had suggested this to indirectly indicate to Brahma that not all his heads are in tune with Narad's plan. 

Brahma came to a quick decision - five heads will work better than four, in finding out a solution. Nard who had sowed this seed should be the fifth head and be made to toil in reaping the produce also. He informed the gathering that a two-member committee will brainstorm on the pleadings presented by them.  

Nard expected some fireworks from his father, but Brahma maintained a ‘deep space’ silence which was more deafening than the cacophonies, manipulative and inflammatory rhetorics of rabble rousers he was familiar with.

Brahma: what is the way forward?

Narad: If you ask me, I suggest forming three committees.

Brahma: why three, when all of them came together? What the committees would do?

Narad: This is a time ‘out living’ technique, perfected by rulers on Earth. Trust me on this. It will give excellent outcome.

Brahma (little unsure): Ok. Name the committees then.

Narad: the first committee will be chaired by a demigod and will have equal number of demi and lesser gods and elevated souls, to come out with a primary report. The second committee chaired by a lesser gods will have similar composition and remit. The third committee chaired by an elevated soul will have similar composition and remit. 

Work From Park: 372

 He had it in him. To write. He did not have it in him the patience to hear with noise and disturbance. 

The apartment neighbours habitually kept the T V blaring with maximum possible volume. He was not bothered by the keeping the TV on part but hated the high volume which to his ears was nothing but white noise. To him it looked like these house makers were out to wreck his hearing sense. 

They want to cook and at the same time listen to onion serials or discourses. The words from the TV speaker need that extra decibel energy to navigate the bends and curves to reach the listeners’ ears. This science of sound explained to him the high volume but not the mindset of the home makers. 

Sandwiched between two such friends, his better half decided to follow suit. This was trouble from close quarters. His ideas and the hunt for words suffered. With frustration reaching tolerance limits, he carefully worded a request to turn down the volume or watch the TV after completing her works.  

Tutored in high volume by the TV, she burst out, "Do you have any idea when my works get over, not before midnight". These words must have penetrated the separating walls on both sides of his flat to bring in support from her friends, who were in their respective kitchens to join issues with him. He wondered how in the midst of their sound world they could hear his conversation? He felt like a cockroach caught in the glare of kitchen light. 

He spent some time on thinking about "my works don't get over before midnight" retort. He instinctively knew something very fishy, though the family diet is purely vegetarian. He wanted to question-with  a maid servant and cook on retainer, why should she struggle till midnight? 

He decided to observe how a day was being spent in the house, when the maid servant and cook report for duty. Slowly, the secret unfolded like layers of onion. 

“The maid starts sweeping, Madame goes behind or ahead of her, rearranging things on the floor and after the wet mopping repositions them in a different order.  While this is going on, a nonstop chatter gives them both company.  In the kitchen, cleaning of utensils start and end in the same fashion as described above. In between playing the hostess, a cup of tea or coffee is made and served. “ 

Her often-repeated logic “when someone comes to your house, you have to engage with them” is seen in execution. 

What happens when the cook comes, is little but not altogether different. Vegetables are washed, dried and kept ready with a cutting board and knife. The held-in-secret scientific/hygienic reason behind this is "the cook will not effectively wash and dry the vegetables before cutting." Standing by the cook's side instructions and recipes get exchanged. 

The cook promptly forgets the instructions and starts to explain her reasons for not following that recipe. Her untold reason, " involved, complicated and time consuming." 

Once the hired helps leave, madam starts to disrupt and rearrange what was disturbed and rearranged in the morning. The moment specks of colloidal particles floating on the beam of sunlight are noticed, action starts to overload the washing machine with curtains and drapes. Their miserable cry that they had taken bath only the other day are promptly ignored by her high volume tuned ears. .  Now, he understood why her works never end before midnight. 

Beaten but not down, he recouped his resilience and sat for his usual five pages of narration for the work (story) under progress.  Later the five-page effort would get whittled down to two pages after editing. This is the rigorous schedule ha has set and tried to follow it.  Naturally he gets upset with ‘’noise and homely disturbances. 

Each day unfolds with another episode to derail his work. This day he found the laptop and his doodling implements (when stuck in a thought jam uses doodles to untangle the gridlock with loopy doodles!) banished from their usual spot to a dark corner of the room. 

He knew the who and wanted to know the why. He could have let it pass. At least a paragraph worth of curious thought hammering in his head would have been captured. To show off his current awareness on the drive to evict the illegal immigrants from the country, he blurted out, He asked, “What this laptop did to deserve the eviction notice? The laptop is document ready with all software licenses duly updated!"  

This set off his better half to explode, " Talking about your laptop? It gathers nothing but colloidal dust. On it, under it and your *. docx files are full of it" She also wanted to show off, digging her heels in tech jargon. With the embers of this fire refusing to die down, his thinking machine went out of gear forcing him to call it off, as a bad day for him and the story. 

Getting published (@ own cost) and not banking in the profit after expenditure was a constant irritant in his relationship with the family members, of course spearheaded by the ruler of the house. Once, when he had casually aired his travails to a kindhearted friend, he had suggested to consult with an astrologer. Initially he did not grasp the meaning, but when the friend explained he understood the value of the suggestion and met with an astrologer with the birth details of all the family members. The astrologer, another kind person asked him to come back after a week. 

The kindhearted friend kept on reminding him of the one-week deadline, starting from the day one. Curiosity mixed with an ample dose of anxiety also made him to keep the countdown calendar going. On the day of reckoning, trepidation keeping him company, he left for the meeting with the kindhearted astrologer. He found him surrounded by well-thumbed books, probably astrological treatise.  A new notebook with its corners and center dotted with turmeric and vermilion was on the mat, in front of the astrologer. He mused, “Why the astrologer has not gone for some flowers to complete the decoration.” 

Warming up to the prediction part, the astrologer wore his thick shell glasses and peered at him through the gap at the top of the specs. Having set the stage and building up sufficient suspense, he started, “Your birth chart is very peculiar. All good planets occupy by bad houses, and the malefic planets spoil the good houses by sitting there. Coming to your wife’s horoscope, the mutual planetary influences annul each other. Your children tell a different story. The planetary positions and their influence vis a viz the parents’ horoscopes stay neutral.” 

Sufficiently alarmed by the kindhearted astrologer, he asked, “What is the outcome of all this vis a viz me?”

The astrologer said, “Every one of you want attention and none of you are willing to pay that attention. Our mutual friend has told me about your travails. On that count you are lucky. The conducive atmosphere for your work is available in plenty with greeneries…”

Interrupting the astrologer he asked, “Want me to become an environmentalist and run a ‘save the trees Andolan’?” 

Non plussed, the astrologer replied, ‘Your weak horoscope promises is not energetic enough to start an Andolan. Instead, you can choose a park and start Work From Park, like the WFH.” 

Silently cursing the kindhearted friend, the kindhearted astrologer, his weak horoscope, he left homeward with the decorated notebook!

Readers don't digest: 339

 The Reader’s Digest (RD) was his favourite monthly during his student days. He still remembers his fledgling attempts to decode what he read as he hailed from a village/town schooling stream with a not so strong suit in English. Toiled, not by burning the midnight oil variety, learnt and understood the word power he ended up with. He added his meagre share to the prestige and standing of this highly valued magazine, which this monthly had already in its kitty.

As disparate situations call desperate measure, he thought the injustice he was suffering with called for a poetic justice!  He never imagined that a day will come, when he will be emboldened to surgically modify the very same Reader’s Digest, still high in his esteem. The sub-titles of the monthly did not escape plastic surgery. With ample dose of ‘begging your pardon’ slipped in, he performed the painful surgeries without anaesthesia!

He gently excised the apostrophe from the Reader’s to leave it reading as Readers. Introduced a new appendage "don't" and tied it after Readers. The plastic surgery shaped the “D” into a “d” and left a new look digest in place of the old Digest. Fire of disappointment still crackling in his belly, he did plastic surgeries on some selected sub-titles, which still he liked.

Unable to suffer in silence, his in-house editor, none other than his inner voice, decided to take the mike to howl a few words. “Though familiar with your wordsmithing prowess, I could not understand this roundabout grumbling. How do you expect a reader, far removed from your brainstorms, to understand and react? Probably, to retain sanity, the reader chose not to react, even though you have used ‘catchy’ title and sub-titles like the ones Reader’s Digest uses for engaging with its readers!”

Imaginch, well aware of these facts himself, stoutly refused to pay heed as they have come from another source, even if it is from his own mind!

Persisting with its views, his inner voice decided to confront him with excerpts from some his articles, to drive home its point, as to why his readers are not reacting.

Is not laughter the best medicine? (credit: RD, Laughter the best medicine)

The Octogenarian looked crestfallen and forlornly staring at the medicine bottle. The grandchild watching this frozen state ventured to ask, "Grandpa, what is the matter?"

Waiting for such an opening, the 80+ narrated that he had forgotten to shake the bottle before ingesting the medicine. In the same breath he expressed his concern, whether Mr. Alzheimer has decided to come and stay with him. Also, he asked a doubt, whether ingesting the medicine before shaking the bottle will have any undesirable side effects? 

Thinking that a witty reply might ease the old man’s concerns, the grandkid quipped, "Don’t you worry. Laughter is the best medicine. It shakes the body does the mixing of the medicine and as a bonus lets you cry heartily! Mr.  Alzheimer might also go out along with your feeling of not shaking the bottle before use!" 

As a punch line the grandson asked, “How does the shaking matters, if it is a bottle of medicinal castor oil? And then, by way of softening the blow, he tried his best to do a standup comedy. 

“Cut a joke and wait. Nobody laughs.

Then, what happens?

The joke bleeds! 

Thumping majority becoming the limping majority is a setback.

When it becomes a crushing defeat, what it is?

A catastrophe with a capital ‘C” 

Multiple plans lead to nowhere and multiple opinions lead to?

Inertia!” 

Rounding up, his inner voice said, “With these, you surely left them bleeding” Readers failed to appreciate the ingredient of his humour mixed with concerns and a sprinkling of Alzheimer’s syndrome. what appealed to you as a humorous situation might have sounded like a pathetic melodrama! Metaphorically speaking, you did not stop there and went about rubbing salt in the wounds of 80+. 

Quotable quotes without “    ” (credit: RD, Quotable quotes) 

Every day is the same. It becomes good, normal or difficult based on one's actions and resulting reactions. 

The difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary is the word 'extra'. It hides the maximum effort to earn that distinction. 

Liberation is not freedom. It is getting liberated from the notion of freedom. 

Active mind does not mean the worrying kind. If one with it could climb the pinnacle, the place would already be crowded.

Think of these silly points: (credit: RD, Points to ponder) 

Who could have been the one person, really happy about apples not falling far away from the tree?

Sir Isaac Newton. Otherwise, his theory on gravity would have become little more complicated.

Why do eyes shed tears – when sad or happy?

An optimist looks at sadness and says, “Tears wash away the unhappiness!” A pessimist views the happiness and says, “To express a person’s unhappiness, when someone else is feeling happy!”

Character 1: A dream is only a dream, if you dream alone. Along with others, your dream becomes a reality. When that reality becomes a nightmare, how many more dreams would restore sanity? 

Character2: OK. download your dream and send it to me. Then I will decide to dream with you or not and as a result will get nightmares or not. Wait till I calculate the number of dreams required to restore our sanity. But I have this doubt. What happens before we manage to restore our sanity- admission in a psychiatric ward? 

Trying to fill a liquid into a vessel already full? The liquid overflows as spillage.  This holds good even if two different kinds of liquid are involved. Same result.  Replace the liquids with affection -same result! 

Two trees do not grow as they should if near each other. Compete for the resources. They cry for ample space. In this respect, affection mirrors the two trees. If fondness has to grow, give affection some space to grow. 

The writer lamented, why, no reader grasped the essence of satire, duality of human nature and scientific temper, I have portrayed? 

His inner voice had a different interpretation and murmured, “your attempted satire, duality of human nature and scientific temper fell flat on the reader. He or she might have noticed, not the essence but the residue of rejects! Your sub-title was enough to scare away the reader, even before the first sentence ends. Who has the patience to squeeze out the essence out of nonsense? 

Is this all in a day's work for you? (credit: RD, All in a day’s work) 

“Cherry pickers are ‘dime a dozen’. From ordinary walk to formula 1 racing type, they come across as sour apples and mumbling-grumbling sobsters. Day in and day out, no issue escapes their attention, for a commentary or comment. This lot of escape artists transcend borders with wanton ease, for this purpose of cherry picking.  

From their agitated intellectual’s thinkosphere, they believe tot have inherited unfettered rights to demean, decry the country which still allows them the freedom to indiscriminately express biased criticisms. Is it entitlement syndrome? 

Do one need to be reminded that one need not be an ultra-national or have patriotic blood circulating in the body, to feel a semblance of belonging to the nation? While being ever ready to take, print and publish a negative picture of each and everything you see or hear under the excuse of a constitutional compulsive right. Before exercising that right, why don’t you think about the humble beginning this nation had inheriting only rich problems and an impoverished treasury and had managed to progress, in spite of people like you? If your elk cannot inspire at least don’t spit out spites. The nation could and will do without your August or September presence. Take your pick.” 

“The residents cannot sleep thinking that the pet dog will guard the gates. That dog cannot sleep thinking the gate will guard the house. The dog can only wag its tail to ward off sleep! That pet dog waits for parole, after 24 hours, yearning to walk, sniff and paw at the earth, in search of its lost freedom. It has to be satisfied with a few hearty barks at other dogs to express its displeasure, which it cannot show to its master at the cost of forgoing food and shelter. Freedom be leashed!” 

 As he had expected, the hammer did not fall. Not one reader picked up the gauntlet thrown by his eloquent prose. 

His hurt and anguish stirred the inner voice to join issues with him. “Let me part with some ‘wisdom’ for you. Seething with indignation, you searched and found some hard-hitting words to chasten the cherry pickers. I find that quantity of quality is depleting fast from your rantings. Revisit your own writing which ran like this: “The nation could and will do without your August or September presence”. Now take your own pick, stop ranting and let me have my peace of mind! 

Exasperated beyond the limits of sufferings, his inner voice finally gathered its courage and hissed, “You are the only writer who wrote a tailpiece for a small writeup.   The aftermath of reading your write-up is always painful. There is a delete function, in the dropdown menu on your laptop.  why don't you practice using it often? 

Let me put it across to you plainly and in simple words. “Your humour needs to be put in uniform, to be disciplined! Your write-ups need to be shredded, though you it has paid to increase your vocabulary. Kindly spare the Reader’s Digest and your readers. Pardon me for saying your slips are showing! 

What did the writer do?

Got the outline for another story, this time to take his inner voice to a laundromat for brain washing!

One can enjoy life in various innocuous ways. 367

This thought reverberated in Imaginch’s mind. Now his mission was to find out various innocuous ways and publish them so that the populous at large can pick one and enjoy life. Thinking part was done in no time but the searching and publishing part loomed larger than the Rock of Gibraltar. 

Why the Rock of Gibraltar? Because he had heard about it but not seen it. Maybe, the memory from the film, Guns of Navarone triggered it. He thought that the imaginary gun placed in an imaginary Greek island would give him the license to use the Rock of Gibraltar to exemplify his daunting task. He set out to find innocuous ways in which anyone can find enjoyment in life. 

Pathway No:1 Take a piece of paper and fold it in as many imaginative ways as possible. You can choose a valley fold or mountain fold. Then unfold it and carefully count the number creases you have given to the paper. 

One need not be confused with fold and crease as they refer to the same indentation mark. Stick with 'crease' to avoid confusion as our objective is to find innocuous ways to enjoy life and not to complicate it. Who knows you may end up with 'worrigami' rivalling Origami or Kirigami! 

Try this pathway No:2 Find a last year's unruled or notebook that come with grids (which will be mostly as good as a new one) and a pencil, which you can readily beg borrow or steal from your grandchild’s hoarded stock. You might have scared your drawing master and classmates alike, with your extraordinary talent. But that water had flown under the bridge long ago. 

Now is the time to dazzle yourself by doing caricatures. Why caricatures? Caricature is a drawing, where your exaggerated or distorted specific features of a person or thing (not by design but due to lack of talent) to create a humorous effect will turn out to be ridiculous. Now, you have found an innocuous way to enjoy your life, but better keep the artistic work to yourself to double the enjoyment! They are fun and anything you draw will be helping the genuine caricatures to find a place in the Louvre or any such art gallery! 

Pathway No:3 Worrying over an unfulfilled dream of being a gardener raising flowering plants?  Stop living in that negative space and start living ikebana style by emphasizing minimalism, line and form.  No worry if you don’t have even potted plants. Do this. Walk down the road, collect wildflowers (gated communities have guard dogs). Enlarge your foray into different localities, who knows you may end up with an exotic collection of flowers. And if required give them a wash at home. 

Let your creativity flow out of the box and arrange the collected flowers to your satisfaction. Your satisfaction is paramount as you have found an innocuous way to enjoy life, better keep your artistic work to yourself to double the enjoyment! 

Pathway No:4 By becoming a bird watcher is another innocuous way to enjoy life. This requires only a few trees in your locality. You can turn it into an easy way to enjoy your life. Before leaving home, do not forget to wear your helmet and a rain coat. Then, just sit or stand under the trees. Why the helmet & raincoat? Bear with me, you will appreciate the suggestion, a little later. 

With crows, eagles, parakeets, starlings, mynas, and cranes perching on the branches or flying in search of food and water will make you feel that you have stepped into the world of Avians. If you are lucky, you may find some monkeys and squirrels on the trees.  Since you cannot order both out of the trees,  it is easy  to accept them as they are. 

Count each species, look at their feather, colour and wing shapes, critically assess the functions and efficiency of their beaks. Watch how their behaviour changes when a monkey or squirrel barge into their gathering. 

Immersed in your observations, you would not have noticed the beauty marks on your helmet and raincoat. While you were engrossed with your task, the birds were also busy sending to you their 'complimentary drops' of appreciation. Hope you have found an innocuous way to enjoy your life! 

Pathway No:5 If you are up to it, read further. But this one might involve sound attention and even biting chases. How about a little thrill to enliven it as you go along?  The get up required is simple.  A bedspread draped over your shoulder like a shawl and a stick in one of your hands and a walk down the lane in the morning. Now you have the attention of the 24X7 inhabitants – the street dogs. Forced to live their whole life the hard way. If you are activist, you may call them abandoned dogs. 

The pity is that they do not know whether you are a stranger or an activist and in right earnest they might start doing the two things they always do. Bark at you from a distance to judge your flight or fright response. Sometimes the ‘flight response’ gets you a few weak barks and if they are confused or annoyed may toy with the idea of a leisurely chase to frighten you further. In case of ‘fright response’, they would bare their teeth, growl and bark and are sure to give a wholehearted chase. If are nimble enough, you escape dog bites but with lungs in pain (if you are not having a weak heart). If slow on your legs, you get pain+. Hope you will not bark or bite me if I come around to ask how are you doing? 

Pathway No:6 This innocuous way to enjoy life will take you a little off the beaten track. It is waiting for you in dark places. Don't let your imagination paint a phosphorescent-picture of evil deeds. I simply meant to say that dark places and stargazing go "twinkle, twinkle." All you need to know is that stars twinkle and planets do not bat an eyelid! 

The international astronomical body does not know the secret that you do not know the names of stars, or constellations or to use Messier’s catalogue or the other NGC designations to spot deep space objects. They are all there as reference documents to prevent the serious astronomers from getting lost in cosmic hypermarket or call it a cosmic wood, if you want. But you are only gazing without any malicious intent. Blue and red coloured stars bridge the generation gap from toddler to grandfather or grandmother states. 

This much is enough for you to select a dark place and let your eyes roam all over the sky. Hope you have found an innocuous way to enjoy life. Who knows, you may even pick up some star talk in the bargain! 

One can enjoy life in various innocuous ways. I have found mine in finding them for you! Did you select one for you?

 Imaginch never imagined that he would get a review cum reply from a reader who must have come upon his article purely by accident! But he took great pleasure in appending this review cum report to the original article: "I definitely won’t be picking worrigami 😇. Thanks - I found all the innocuous approaches you listed really interesting and practical for all age groups, except for pathway 5. A different narrative from your usual style, yet you managed to turn a simple suggestion into such a warm and lovable read."