Silent speak - ChintaMany’s secret weapon: 327

Over the years, ChintaMany had learnt two things. One, keeping counsel to himself. Two, never engage in any verbal exchange. These, he had learnt from watching movies and tear-jerking T V dramas. The scripted dialogues of one character are delivered after dutifully hearing out the other character completing its allotted lines. Occasionally, to add life to the dying script commercial breaks are introduced before the other character could respond. In some percentage of the viewers, these intruding commercial breaks became nail-biting suspense to know what the dialogue in reply would be. Not the one to bite off his nails, ChintaMany tooled himself to keep his counsel to himself.

This is not a mastery learnt overnight. During school and college days, he had overheard or eavesdropped snippets of conversational gems venting hard feelings on the third-party recipients. His baptism in silence started when that third party recipient happened to be dear friend or part of the family of elders who had adult- to-adult issues. Though driven by despair, as he could not raise in defence of the dear friend or relative, out of necessity, he learnt to keep silence and his sanity. 

While independently developed his secret weapon combining ‘keeping one’s counsel and remaining silent, he might have infringed on the rights of a Nobel Laureate. To avoid being accused of plagiarism, he referenced the inspiring words of Richard Feynman – “There is nothing called absolute silence as you can't stop hearing yourself. The human brain devoid of external sounds to focus on starts to listen to various organs of your body chatting while functioning” This ex post facto, accolade to Richard Feynman settled the issue of the honorarium. 

When invaded by conflicting thoughts, ChintaMany used this weapon - talks to himself in silence, not out of shame or fear of being given a berth on a psychiatrist couch. He wouldn't have bothered anyways. What naturally happened within him, stayed right there. He liked to call them as silent conversations and had learnt to listen and live with it, even though they refused to follow a fixed schedule. There in lay a difficulty - sometimes he missed what others wanted to say or said to him. 

As time elapsed, ChintaMany found to his amusement and distress, in equal measures, that these nighttime conversations were superior in quality than the daytime batch. Subjects and peoples being the topic, scientists and astronomers shared their workload and were getting free advice from his conversations. 

At times, politicians of different hues queued up to entertain him. Sometimes the melodramatic script on politicians’ future, scams dragging the courts inexorably to the demise of the perpetrator, opinions about exit polls by psephologist and amateurs left him in tears.  As a comic relief, the TV panel discussions included a new class of entrants - astrologers, tarot card and parrot card readers, as they have also come up with pre-poll predictions and have post-poll predictions on the cards. Not to be left as orphans, the losers train their guns on EVM conspiracy and interfering foreign hands in gloves! ChintaMany wondered whether this grumble should be the trailer or the T V panel discussions?! 

His advisories, tears and amusements came at a cost - disturbed sleep. His sleep is left to the mercy of timing and content of that conversation that decides whether the amber/ yellow signal will turn to red or green. 

Whom he liked to hear most during these one to ones? Certainly, the scientists and astronomers, as it was an opportunity to recollect or learn things anew. Occasionally, these silent conversations take place in a garden where departed souls of da Vinci, Newton and Einstein hung out and went hammer and tongs arguing ‘who among them should have been rated as the best’. Though he would have preferred to hear Einstein and Neils Bohr going about quantum phenomenon once again. To his dismay neither Einstein nor Neils Bohr showed interest to entangle again!  In the midst of all these intellectual bashings, he wondered how he was drawn in that far! 

What he would do otherwise? Hear silent talks about or the exit polls along with the usual exit lines - incorrect interpretation of data or voters cleverly feeding false information during survey.  On politicians rushing out the bottomless wells of scams to court and court hearing them out post- haste, leaving other non-political litigants cursing themselves for not having added a political angle in their civil suits and so on. Since the matter would be sub judice, he was thankful that the one to ones sympathising with the non-political litigants have remained imprisoned in his mind, without assigning a case number. 

To his surprise, once he was hearing a conversation about himself.  He had talked to himself to gift some valuables to a relative and to look out with a clinical eye on a relative’s kids who are becoming no good and so on. This his -brain- talking- to- his- brain distressed him more as even in his dream he was being portrayed as an aloof (procul), a misanthrope and afraid of mentoring. 

During any such conversation he had no control over the tickertape which kept on scrolling along in a TV which he could not turnoff. This was alarming to say the least. Even during such episodes, he managed to wonder how so much information got packed and delivered in nano seconds! 

One early morning, probably after an hour past the midnight the exact time as he had a helping of sweets at that time) a conversation with PowerPoint presentation, with bullet points, started in his mind. 

He carried penury in his pockets.

He is afraid of heights.

He has siblings.

He is neither an extrovert not an introvert - an Otrovert?

He left the place once he is finished there.

He did not get a respectable education..

Is this about a real person or his mind playing a midnight trick? If so, how could he identify the person? Or is it a mind game being played by the silent conversationalist? If so, whatever he had been hearing boils down to an act of pulling a thick woolen blanket over his head? He left the analytical part of the why and who that would come later as the day progressed. 

That November morning did the trick. Mist hung in the air waiting for a gentle breeze or sun to climb a little higher over the horizon to drive it away as it was struggling to keep up the chill factor. As ChintaMany just started to tuck his lean and shivering body into a woolen sweater, to brave the chill, a Eureka moment took great pleasure in making an unexpected appearance to ambush him. Why should not it, as it is about to deliver a defining tool, to solve his puzzle! 

At that moment, he was struggling to push his head through the neckline, and the thick neckband of the sweater was trying to spend some anger on him for being forcefully stretched over his pumpkin shaped head.  Freezing cold on the outside and frozen mind from within, left him stranded in the sweater like a head sticking out of a manhole. 

He segregated the bullet points based on perceived synonymic traits.

The first group challenged him with an identity crisis to resolve.

He carried penury in his pockets.

He left the place once he is finished there.

He did not get a respectable education. 

He iterated the above pointers many times over and to aid instant reference, he scribbled them on post-it slips and promptly stuck them on the fridge’s door. For no reason, he found himself often near the fridge which invariably invited his mistress’s glares, warning him of tress pass. This ‘tress pass’ glare resulted in an unannounced eureka moment. He would deal with this sort of unannounced arrivals later as now he needed them now and then.  This moment led him to walk down the garden path towards a building site. 

As he stood wondering, knowing not what is there in store, he saw a workman shoving a purse into his trouser pocket and then pick up a pail of paint. A careful detail collecting look at the man’s weather-beaten face told him the story. Lack of good education, which otherwise would have landed him in better job and surely, he will have to leave the place after finishing the job. As he had witnessed the purse being shoved into the pocket, he felt no issue with his penury assumption! Satisfied with the manner in which he had solved the puzzle and after reaching home pulled out the post it slips for group one. 

He has siblings.

He is neither an extrovert not an introvert - an Otrovert?

This second group dared him to visit the realm of human psychology.  He dug up the meaning of Otrovert and what he learnt stunned him. This type feels like a perpetual outsider with a sense of detachment and does not fit into the traditional categories. Wondering how this word came up in that PowerPoint presentation, ChintaMany believed a pictogram would jog his mind to work creatively to unmask the identity of the person. He immediately downloaded a pictogram from internet and kept it face up on his table. After a long time looking at the pictogram, he decided to keep it as a suspense as to what he had decoded about the second group, for now. 

He is afraid of heights - acrophobic.

This candidate could either be an odd man out (mercifully not an odd woman out!) or seamlessly fit into the second group. He had the inkling that the person fitting this trait must be well known to him. He started to mentally tick off persons who do not exhibit fear of heights. 

He started at chair level and slowly climbed up the ladder. Enlarging the list, he included lifts, escalators and as an outlier the mechanical contraptions like giant wheels and rollercoasters. Now, you may have the doubt, “why did he leave out the jet planes?”

Maybe, he did not want to fly that high to clear his doubt. ChintaMany also happens to be realist. 

Going through all these filters and after ticking all the right boxes, only one person remained as the eligible candidate. The revelations shocked him and no other solution appeared appropriate. A sealed cover and keeping it hidden appeared to be the best option than revealing the identity.  Is it a boon or a bane, this question turned him towards science, where he was comfortable to have a conversation or a direct discussion. 

At this point, ChintaMany left us, high and dry wondering how did he fare as Sherlock Holmes and why did he keep the sealed cover hidden?  

Ask the author, maybe he knows what is in the sealed cover.

No confidence, in the motion: 326

ChintaMany had set his sights on purchasing another flat, with the money from the sale of an old house in the outskirts of the city.

Mrs. ChintaMany tried her best by ticking in all the right boxes about the already owned apartment. A good locality, location and all modes of transport within walkable distance. To tilt the scale, she pointed out here there are limited number of apartments and etc. He had some weak points to counter – there the next generation people have different set of priorities, showed more interest in paying EMIs on home loan and vehicle loan, had zero interest in paying attention to the affairs of the apartments and treated their ownership as a stay in a P G environment. 

Particularly, what sat him atop a powder keg was the white-collar crime of some of the residents by engaging in water and power theft. He had to run email wars to set things right and, in the bargain, became a cat let loose among the unwelcome pigeons. This reminded him of the pigeon menace and belatedly he added this as another counter point to give teeth to his earlier arguments with Mrs. ChintaMany.

Mrs. ChintaMany reiterated the plus points she had listed, counselled for patience and understanding when living among other flat owners and resolutely standing on her feet, while voicing her no confidence motion, and asked, “Ultimately, will it not come to moving, yet again? How confident are you that the same old issues would not surface there also?” These failed attempts left him gasping for breath like a beached whale. 

A subconscious nudge came from his wife’s refusal to even to engage in further discussion.  When possessed by a demon of adamancy, his ears did not hear sane advice. What did he do?  Driven by impatience, he took an impulsive decision and found himself with a sale deed for a new apartment. She took a leaf out of ChintaMany’s book of silence and remained tight-lipped about the new apartment, which had everything that was wrong with it - topmost floor, fit for positioning solar panels anywhere in the apartment civil works built up with more M-sand and less binding cement and so on and so forth. 

The adopted technique on silence was not applied in the case of friends and visitors or while talking to friends. The sluice gate opened and all these” plus points” gushed out to generate animosity in ChintaMany’s mind. What irked him the most was that the apartment being declared as fit only for harnessing solar energy! 

To avoid the frequent references being made about his foolishness, he grabbed the idea floated by his brother. He believed in ‘out of sight, out of mind’ will apply and the infamous plus points will be forgotten. Thinking that it would be a clever move to broach the subject, he chose the exact moment when Mrs. ChintaMany had a mouthful of food. She had little time to decide whether to munch on the food or crunch out whatever ChintaMany wanted to say. While shoveling spoonsful, she had read his facial expressions or ‘tells’ which always made their predictable appearance before he spoke. 

She looked at him askance, with a question mark, which promptly scattered his thoughts all over the house. Gathering them, he spoke. " What do you think about us moving to my brother's villa? His family is thinking about permanently settling in the northern hemisphere. He had requested me if we could stay there instead of this apartment?” 

Her mouth free of food, Mrs. ChintaMany leaned back and kept looking at him without moving a muscle to give him an answer. ChintaMany was too familiar with that signature look - end of discussion for the present! He secretly blamed himself for choosing the dinner time to discuss the villa proposal. Any how a lucky escape. She did not ask him, “Is he gifting it to us?” 

After this botched up discussion, he let calls from his brother to go to voice mail, wondering how long would he be able to dodge him without giving a response? He thought a public atmosphere, like a cab ride might be better suited to open up on the topic once again when an opportunity presented itself.  The opportunity on a day when they were going to a friend’s house. During the ride, Mrs. ChintaMany was silently looking at the hi-raise buildings with windowpanes gleaming in the sun light. Hoping for a lucky break, he reminded her about his brother’s proposal pending with them. With no food to keep the mouth engaged, she decided to put the matter to rest by expressing her no confidence motion right then and there in the cab itself. 

On her part, she had been quietly arranging the darts to shoot down this proposal. Looking sternly at him, Mrs. ChintaMany started picking her targets, one by one.

Are we getting employed as caretakers?

Don't we have a place of our own apartment with its inconveniences?

Where else we will get to place hot water generator or solar panels anywhere in the house?

If you are after managing a garden, buy some pots and plants. There is plenty of light and heat in the living room itself!

Soil? Plentiful is falling off from the plastered walls, recycle it.

What do we do with this apartment with all these plus points? Remember, we are not young anymore.

In what way your brother settling in the northern hemisphere, will ensure his local help in case of need? Don't you realise that where we live has such a help, just a call away?

If, due to turn of events, your brother decides to come back once and for all, what do we do? Blame him or yourself? 

Ending the conversation without uttering a negative answer, she had tactfully implied that she for one had no confidence in his motion. ChintaMany vainly searched for weighty rebuttals and finding only damp squibs, he remained silent during the rest of the ride. If the matter had ended there, ChintaMany would not have faced another no confidence motion! 

His brother having decided on a direct approach, called Mrs. ChintaMany and placed his request for her consideration. With a scorching sideways glance, through clenched teeth and in a tight sotto voce she replied, “I think not. Here we are well settled, and I am having no confidence in making a move now.” 

Smarting under this implicit veto, ChintaMany decided to think of another better proposal which he would carefully craft and skillfully present, whenever a better conducive atmosphere prevailed to give him a helping hand! In the meanwhile, an opportunity came along, not for the plan he had in mind but in the form of a proposal from Mrs. ChintaMany’s sister. 

This is to be said about ChintaMany - he was an expert in hiding his true thinking whenever he sensed it had more fallouts than windfalls. At those times, he used a time-tested technique of remaining silent as he strongly believed in the wisdom, “The unspoken words are priceless and trouble free!” But the downside of this was it could be misconstrued as an ‘aye’. Wanting a clear response, she persisted with the topic and to bring subtle pressure on him, she started narrating her sister’s offer to a friend or relative who happened to come by. Yet, ChintaMany remained steadfast in his vow of silence. 

Failing to nudge him, she engineered a video call with her sister, whom she might have coached in advance, to confront him for an answer. He reviewed mentally all his hidden thoughts about the person vis a vis his compatibility with that environment. What lay under this generous offer? Do they want him to keep his own residence under lock and key or sell and move out? This analysis compelled him to take a hard look at the mouth of the horse proposed to be gifted.

Remaining silent becoming no longer an option, he simply repeated all the arguments she had put forth to deny his earlier motion.  Mrs. ChintaMany could not believe that her own arguments have circled the wagons against her to deny her motion. She had to appreciate him as he had not said anything she had not uttered. Left with no other choice, she ended the call with some pleasantries which sounded like weak apologies. 

Villas becoming villains, he thought, “If we have a villa, probably no one would try to move us out with another proposal”. He toyed with an idea of floating or sinking the residual amount in the purchase of an affordable plot, with the hope that someday in the future he could construct his own villa. Without waiting for a favourable time to give him a helping hand, he explained his plan to Mrs. ChintaMany. 

Unable to hide her disappointment in him for rejecting her sister's proposal, she said in a rasping and condescending tone, "Have you not yet climbed the height of your foolishness? Will you be able to locate the plot, if purchased, at least on the sale deed document?"  

In a rare flash of insight, ChintaMany recollected these words:

“As you move, so does the horizon and the zenith”. “Of course, it is safe for the flesh, if the thorns stay with the bush.”

Brahma, Kuber and the ghosts: 325

Brahma opened his eyes, after a deep meditation, to a pleasant surprise.  None other than Kuber, the treasurer of Dev Lok bank was standing in front of him. The visit was first of a rare kind as both had dealt with each other long eons back. Moreover, Brahma had no wealth deposited or has any intention to do so. He looked at Kuber for an explanation. Kuber, feeling the weight of silence, felt disconcerted at the reception, hesitated a little but had on other option but to speak out.

Brahma, wanting to fill the boredom filled routine, missing Chitragupta’s antics and Yamadharmaraj bearing the brunt of them, decided to make the first overture. He asked, “Kuber, to what do I owe your presence?” Taken aback by the indeterminable sarcasm or satire, Kuber spoke, “I have detected some dubious accounts in the ledger.”

Brahma: “Surely, you have assistance to find out and rectify the mistake. Why come to me?”

“Oh, Brahma, the issue is not simple that my assistants could easily rectify.”

Brahma: “Agreed. In what way can I help you and what is the real issue?”

“The real issue pertains to a few current accounts that have been clandestinely opened and being operated.”

Brahma: “The best approach should have been to call them to get those accounts surrendered. Why did not you try that?”

“That is the catch. The account holders are not residing in Dev Lok. If that would have been the case, I wouldn’t have come here. Yes, there is one more catch to that catch.”

Brahma getting annoyed asked Kuber, “What is that catch having a catch. You and your assistants have gone comatose or what?

“Oh Brahma, let me explain. As per Dev Lok banking rules, an account once opened cannot be closed by me. This is the catch to that earlier catch I mentioned. The disputed current account holders are non-residents in Dev Lok. This catch is an addendum to the earlier ones”

Lackadaisical, indolent and languid. Having exhausted a set of adjectives Brahma asked, “Pray and tell me, where do they reside and who are they?” Kuber blurted out, “Brahma, these current accounts have been opened by the spirits and souls of Yam Lok. That is the irony!”

“How did you find out these accounts are operated by ghosts?”

“Recall the bank’s motto- Trust in secrecy. No where the account holder’s name gets displayed”

“Then, how these spurious accounts were detected?”

“In place of account holder’s name, a solid bar of green or blue colour indicates the residential status. These spurious accounts carry black bars.”

Brahma’s heads started to spin so fast, and Kuber felt a draft of breeze playing truant with his curly hair. Enjoying the breeze himself, Brahma took his own time to order the heads to come to a stop telling them he had to do some serious thinking. The spinning heads came to a stop and then Brahma spoke, “What help do you want?”

Kuber: If Chitragupta could sit with Yamadharmaraj, the issue could be quietly resolved without adverse publicity. This is the reason I came to you for advice and help.”

Brahma scratched one of his heads and said, “Their current where abouts is not known. They have efficiently ‘ghosted’ their thought-prints and are keeping their communication channels in jammers. By looking at their transactions, could you tell me where Chitragupta and Yamadharmaraj are currently?”

“Brahma, I am sorry. Trust and secrecy prevent disclosures to second or third party”

Irritated Brahma asked, “You mean like your history of being a mortal and half-brother of Ravan, getting defeated by him, my boon to Ravan that drove you away from your kingdom or my boon that elevated you  to divinity ??”

“Brahma, mine is an open secret and the accounts are closed secrets.”

Brahma: “Maybe, your issue with the ghost accounts could be resolved by my ‘fghosts’. Let me think for a while.”

Kuber felt like getting squeezed between ghost accounts and fghosts. Brahma came back with his suggestions. “I will depute three fghosts with clear instructions that no matter what, the trust and secrecy must not be sacrificed while resolving the issue.”

Getting the attention and help of Brahma lifted the burden of ghost accounts off his shoulders. Taking leave, Kuber returned to his abode. Then only he remembered that neither he had asked for details about Brahma’s ghosts. He did not like the going back to earn Bramha’s ire.

The handpicked fghosts arrived and Kuber wasted no time in briefing them on the issue of the current accounts held by ghosts. He further explained, as per bank’s secrecy laws their identity is not known and even if known cannot be revealed. Furthermore, his hands are tied as he could neither terminate the accounts nor stop transactions. After hearing out, one of the fghosts said, “This looks like describing a point in space where everything is there, but nothing could be there in reality!”

Kuber was expecting a solution, not a puzzle. To bring the focus back on the issue, he said, “Do you have any workable plan within the outlined ethics of this Bank@ Dev Lok?” The friendly ghost promised to come back with such a plan shortly but wanted to get acquainted with the procedures being followed. Kuber handed over a bulky volume with a confusing title, “Asks and do not asks”.

The fghosts requested permission to open their own accounts. Kubera was aghast at this request and began an internal battle with ethics of banking. Relenting to Kuber’s predicament, the fghosts suggested an alternative. They asked permission to leave some sub-nano devices in the bank after explaining that these sub-nano things will only detect and monitor the transaction patterns and are not intelligent enough to decipher personal details. Kuber worried about opening the bank ledgers for scrutiny was reluctance to act upon their request. Can he trust them? The answer came back loud and clear- How can he doubt Brahma’s confidants? 

Thinking that ‘not knowing is also a way to maintain secrecy, he did not ask them how these devices will work. He accepted the sub-nanos (without knowing what it meant) under a special account designated with ‘no deposit or withdrawal’ sticker. When the sub-nanos were delivered, Kuber was surprised to see they were almost invisible, unless seen under special lights. Expecting relief, he sighed in advance and completed the formalities without involving other members in the bank. He was proud to ensure that the veil of secrecy remains protected, to all the accountholders. 

The fghosts briefed Brahma and Kuber, on what their sub-nano devices have managed to gather. “A transaction is initiated in one of the accounts and it proceeds to deposit that in three other accounts. End of activity. A while after, two of the recipients dumped it back into the originating account. End of activity. The third recipient transacted with the first account and almost, keeping a minimum balance.  Now, a curious thing happens. All of them transact with each other and end up with the same balance in all accounts. As for as the operatives are concerned, the doubt in our mind is that all the accounts are held by a single ghost”. The fghosts looked at Kuber and Kuber looked at Brahma. 

Brahma asked Kuber, “Can you authorise the next step of deactivating that accounts? Of course you cannot close them, is there not another solution? Nodding his head Kuber said, “Not to my knowledge, but if these fghosts come up with an action plan...” 

The fghosts could not say no to crack a tough nut. They said, “Yes. Give us some space to think about it and come back.” Brahma was all smiles with the thought that he only chose these worthy candidates. Indicating the end of meeting, he hurried out leaving Kuber in an awkward silence with the fghosts, casting a gentle smile in their direction and left. 

The three fghosts settled down for a lengthy discussion on the possible options they could use, to deactivate the accounts. Ideas and counter ideas floated above their floating forms. Some of the passing by Dev Lok residents paused to enjoy this spectacle. Unaware of this attracted audience, the fghosts generated some more ideas, literally crowding the space above their floating forms. One idea bore the hallmark of a gem. Simple but could be turned effective for the purpose at hand. It involved two-pronged operation strategy and a super intelligent sub-nano device. Without waiting, they called on Kuber and briefed about their proposal. 

At this stage, without the blessings of Brahma, Kuber did not want to greenlight it straight away. As a result, once again Brahma got drawn in to this affair of current accounts of ghosts as an adjudicator or conscience keeper or receiver of blames, if the whole plan backfired. Confident of managing all the three objectives, he agreed to hear them out and offer his opinion at the end. 

The first fghost explained, “We will load a software in the brain of the super sub-nano device”. The second fghost added, “This device, once a transaction is initiated, will get triggered”. The third fghost on the final expected outcome explained, “During multiple transactions using these account holders’ trusted   modus operandi, successive, automatic artificial devaluation of the transacted value occurs. Soon the current accounts will become dead accounts with nil balance. Once the zero balance is reached, automatically these accounts are closed as per the “Asks and do not asks” document of the bank.”

Kuber: Will they not get status alert after each transaction? 

Fghosts: We have modified that status display to occur milliseconds before the accounts are being closed.

Brahma: I am pleased with your work but what about ghosts making attempts in future?

An account can be opened only if the coordinates of the originator match with that of Dev Lok! We believe generally ghosts don’t get free entry into Dev Lok! 

Both Brahma and Kuber sat speechless. The ingenuity and audacity of the plan left them searching for words to point out hidden lacunae or poke holes. Kuber got the solution and Brahma had the satisfaction of aiding the process. He graced the three fghosts with a million-sun bright smile, lighting up the whole Dev Lok!

Mathematical nightmares: Part 1: 324

A seasoned western politician bemoaned that the math is not adding up and in this imbroglio about 90% of the qualifying students found themselves bracketed. When all of us share the same solar system and the same stock of DNA, then what affects the West, will not affect east, south and Northern hemispheres also? This Universal truth hit ChintaMany like a tsunami and, dunked him under water. 

He was not worried about the erroneous multiplication affecting the conversion of $$ into other currencies or vice versa but regarding the poor standards they will apply in accounting these wrong numbers. Becoming alarmed, ChintaMany decided to figure out a solution for this mathematical mess. 

There was no other system to perform these functions without maths and he asked himself, “Why not invent a numberless and equation less system?” Though he wanted to assure those kids that they are not alone in struggling with maths, he realised that numbers can be real or imaginary but maths without numbers and equations? Instantly, he shelved the idea as impractical. 

If there is another way to deal with this mess, he was determined to find it. To be impartial, he spent some time studying how the student community fared in his own country. Not to leave the adult population in a limbo he included the grownups also in his mathematical survey, who willfully disobey addition and multiplication rules while trying to reach the realms of deep debts. If there was a hope, he resolved to find it and offer confidence to these unfortunate fellow travellers. 

He looked heavenwards with the hope that the world of Vedic astrology, the key planetary combinations and conditions may reveal the answer for this mathematical quagmire. Under similar planetary spells, the native kids and adults may well find themselves sailing in the same boat! 

The merciless Sun roasts any planet that dares to come too close and strips it down to its boxers. The planet’s   strength and ability to do good is vapourised.  ChintaMany wondered, “Is the Sun miffed at the ignominy of being considered as a mere planet, instead of a star and the kingpin”? 

In general, all the planets, including the Sun, suffer the malady of debility due to   natural enmity, inimical aspects or stay or transiting as an unwelcome guest. Smarting already with an ignominy, the Sun suffers a double whammy. The lunar nodes, cash in their perks for being shadow planets and go scot-free! 

In Vedic Astrology, Mercury is praised or blamed for proficiency or lack of it in mathematics. ChintaMany had only pity for the planet Mercury. Somehow it should anticipate the day of imminent birth at least 90 days in advance. Employing its own maths skill, it has to get out of the house where the Sun, Saturn, Rahu or Ketu reside and from its house of debility (Pisces) using up to 4 weeks. It has to come out of retrograde motion (3 weeks) and avoid house number 6 or 8 or 12 (1week) by spending another 4 weeks. One to two weeks to manoeuvre into a favourable house preferably the zodiacal signs Gemini or Virgo

In the remaining days Mercury has to study the curriculum vitae of the houses and their natural owners and appeal and receive the good graces of Jupiter and Mars. There is no room for error and miscalculation due to its eccentric orbit and the uncertainty on the rising of the 1^st house, which depends on the time of birth! The remaining time, maybe it spends in fervently appealing to the higher powers that the blame for poor showing in maths does not reflect on it! Favourable factors impel with the development of logic, calculations, and intellectual ability of the student. 

Though mankind had set foot and travelled on its soil   the Moon, waxing or waning, continues to discharge its planetary (a promotion!) duties without any let.  As the ruler of the mind, a weak or afflicted Moon could also join in the act to influence the houses related to education and intellect by affecting stability of mind and concentration making it difficult to focus on subjects like mathematics. How can Rahu and Ketu be separated from the Moon? When these lunar nodes get involved, the learner lands in a complex mathematical forest. Thoughts get distorted and clarity in analytical skills get hindered. 

Mercury, coming under the influence of Saturn leads to slow learning or concentration issues, but with hard work the individual may become proficient later in life. ChintaMany hoped that it would not be too late for the individual! ChintaMany wondered, could it be a weak Moon afflicted severely by a not-so favourably inclined Saturn the reason, why even adults struggle with numbers? Is Saturn living up to the saying ‘from cradle to grave’, as far as mathematical abilities are concerned because, as an exception, Mercury is not involved? Unfavourable key planetary combinations and conditions that weaken the potential of Mercury, impedes with the development of logic, calculations, and intellectual ability of the student. 

He did not fail to notice the surprising omissions. Mars and Venus have been denied the opportunity to meddle with mathematical ability, when most of the other planets have been blamed for a poor performance, and what credentials these sidelined planets lacked, why? Why, the planet Jupiter doles out benevolent influence at times as a moderator and on some other times shows a closed fist? 

ChintaMany wanted to dig in a little deeper and pay a closer look at the specific zodiacal signs, not conducive to education and intellect.  He took out the layout and inspected the houses that might trouble the transiting planets. He was disheartened to find out that almost 50% of the houses had red painted door at the entrance. 

Afflicted first house or its ruler affects the brain, overall capabilities and impacts the native's academic performance.  The second house or its ruler under similar conditions affect speech, understanding, and concentration, impairing the ability to grasp concepts clearly. If the fifth house, governing intellect and memory, and its ruler are not favourably positioned, the learning ability suffers. In addition, a blanket ban existed on the 6th, 8th, or 12^th houses in the birth chart.  

ChintaMany wondered why there are so many weak houses in astrology, like dilapidated buildings? Is it by design to throttle the surge of learning in general and mathematical excellence in particular? Now he understood the tremendous pressure on Mercury and why about 90% of the students struggled! 

Thinking about influences, ChintaMany had his own doubts.  If the book on mathematics, close at hand could not influence the student to excel in mathematics, then how the faraway planets residing or transiting through the light-years distant zodiacal signs could become responsible?  What about those who did not believe in astrology, per se?  Who knows, maybe, they are busy searching for a clue, for their mathematical limitations, to blame the comets and interstellar visitors! 

The world of politics and related financial management dumped a fresh load of doubts - how mathematical skill or lack of it fared in the hands of the ruling class?

With a meagre knowledge about how the political parties think, he bravely stepped in to find out the why and the how?  One thing became clear at the outset that the why could be in the guise of a welfare measures to cling on to power or as a pre-poll promise to claw back to power. Once the why became clear it was easy to guess the how. By borrowing, as if there was no tomorrow, and running up a mountain of debt as outstanding. 

Maybe, in the birth charts of these freebies-Netas the solar system has severe afflictions, occupy enemy houses and, for good measure, are threatened by malefic planets from the Local Group of Galaxies when it comes to a state or country's finances! The mathematics gets tossed overboard and revenue income finds its way into an expenditure black hole, never to see the light of a break-even. The saving grace for them is the afflicted birth chart of the rest of population in the nation and the freebies will continue to enjoy the rollercoaster ride!  

ChintaMany could not digest the fact that the politicians who get it 100% right on winnability, personal wealth and number of kith and kin in need of an uplift, failed to grasp the mathematics of debt!                                                                                                                               

He was equally puzzled about the sort of exotic and odd astronomical influences operate to force the army of seasoned and intelligent bureaucrats with acute mathematical acumen to assist and handle the astronomical debt figures notched up by these political extravaganzas! 

Unmindful of this willful wantonness and the overwhelming afflictions and collusions, the account under the head of freebies, kept on counting without a pause. this singular dedication of these numbers to count their progenies in billions, trillions, zillions and beyond. The numbers have decided to drown us all in debts! 

This shocking revelation brought ChintaMany, literally to his knees. Which generation would be paying off these piles of debts? Will that generation of youngsters be born without the planetary, comets, interstellar and inter and intra galactic afflictions in their birth charts, to master mathematics and not be scared of numbers with 12 or more digits? 

He hoped for a better sense to prevail in the heavens and for their own sake these future generations take birth with top-notch mathematical skills to handle the bequeathed, huge debts! 

These ancient texts and treatise on astrology solely relied on the planets in the solar system and the authors had not foreseen such incomprehensible events taking place, long after their demise. They had failed to rope in the comets and interstellar objects with extraordinary special aspects and include them to cause this national affliction. Or they lacked the will or computation skills to include extra-galactical objects to explain the unforeseen?  ChintaMany felt pity for those authors for missing out on this trail blazer of an opportunity. 

If they could easily miss the big elephant in the room, then what about him? To reassure himself, he wanted to check that only the usual planets, all in friendly mood and in friends’ house wearing anti-inimical vests resided in his horoscope!

His inner voice griped, “Why to trouble an astrologer, just look at the marks you had scored! Don’t take risks. Who knows whether the astrologer is sound in maths or just sounding off of maths?” 

After a little break, may be as part 2 exploration, he decided to find out what the western astrology had is store for those hapless students of mathematics in the western hemisphere.

He is at it, again! - 323-

Unsettle him a little, or when he does it to others or when he tries to be helpful, his anger boils over instantaneously, starts to mutter and utter before editing his audio files. Being wiser and ascertaining the background details before wading was not his strong point. Becoming trapped, he took to mutter loudly while iterating issues and scenarios within himself. 

Since there was no 'for your ears only' prohibitory order, these words, just loud enough, took to the air. It reached the ears of persons who took it as an indirect criticism. By this act, he always managed to let loose a cat among pigeons. They took note of it and came back at him with their own cats to stalk his pigeons.  Yes, he was aghast. No, he did not curb his intemperate, verbal missives (musings) at all!

His friends (I know a few of them), used to lob one liner jibes like this at him, "when in anger, you catch faster than a sodium vapour lamp or You tend to react for every incident, curb it or you will become a mental wreck.” They closed up like a clam when he came back with two liners “You don’t get to judge the depth of an ocean by standing on the shore or by measuring the height of waves. Remember, relationships are built with T-sand (Trust) and not M- sand (Misgivings)”. His friends stopped their one-liners! 

With his mutterings and then uttering of opinions, he had created a lethal combination and a sure-fire catalyst to generate hostility and painted himself as the willing target. His muttering and then uttering of opinions have become. Pity him! His brain circuit has been wired for compulsive and repeat mode. 

I will start with a personal experience. A news item about hackathon had triggered him. He came up with other words like walkathon, marathon, sleepathon, speakathon, workathon etc. He felt proud that he could contribute the last three words to enrich the language. Unable to check the enthusiasm, he came rushing to share it with me. Lo and behold! His glory only lasted a few milliseconds.  I, for the heck of taking a sweet revenge on him for his habitual two-liners, punctured his balloon by reciting a dozen more *-athons. Deflated and angered, he left without taking leave of me.  This made me to narrate whatever had happened because of his huff and puff tactics. 

For clarity’s sake, I have used italics to spot the footloose cat and the reaction of the pigeons. 

Let us see, what his footloose cat did among the pigeons. It was amongst his own family members. Undeterred by my letdown and unable to curb his anger, he started to mutter, " People would happily be lazy and then trot to a gym with a load of fat to burn.  Instead, can't they find household chores to let off steam, get things done, save money and keep fit?" 

Theis muttering unerringly found the ears of his just arriving home with a head filled with problems crying for workable solutions. He had been asking for a small help and was getting nothing but a “I will do it" as a reply from his son. He was getting upset because he had already collected seven such "I will do it' in a span of four days. 

Not a very complex task requiring rocket science. His collected notes and notebooks are stored in the attic and wanted to check on them. They have endured that many apartment changes and transplant operations along with the family. They had to give up the ground floor space to things considered more valuable, from utility point of view, and presently refugees in the attic. This “I will do it” became a flashpoint because he was unable to and prohibited from attempting to bring them down 

Iteration fueled by irritation, he started with the usual mutterings. As if on cue, his son dropped a dinner plate with a loud clang. No sooner he heard that sound, he uttered, "An unfulfilled promise will ring louder on the conscience."  

Reacting quickly, his son brought a step ladder, reached and pulled out a carton box. The wonder tape Heavily bandaged with the wonder tape, the carton box gave up hope and disgorged the contents through the bottom flaps. 

Down came his treasure and as a final instalment a BW photograph falling face-up completing the deluge. The phot had captured the father and son smiling like sunshine, years ago! Looking at the photo, the son boiled with anger forcing him to feel the heat of shame. The son having put up with these mutterings of one-liners and two-liners, decided to pay his father back in equal measures and said in a clear voice, “At least the dropped plate stops or breaks, and the floor has no conscience. Some people don't learn, is it not?” 

In a role reversal, he counted the pigeons set among his cat – plate stops; plate breaks; floor has no conscience. The message from these pigeons was an admonishment to stop or break the habit of muttering. He understood that along with the floor, his son had also indicted him on the photographic front. Honestly, he did not know why he had not got the photo fixed in a frame. 

This is about another footloose cat. He possessed a cherished souvenir from his school days.  During assembly, the headmaster (old school) lifted aloft the article mounted on a wooden plank, and said, " Look at this. If you work hard, your handicraft also will be appreciated like this." 

The credit really belonged to the craft teacher who had encouraged the students to use their imagination and make whatever article they wanted to.  He urged them to do their best and not to be weighed down by expectations. The one that came up for appreciation, in front of the entire school, was a dining table set made using bicycle spokes. Though it looked spindly but, in his eyes, it was a Picasso in bicycle spokes! Not a mean achievement for a thirteen- to fourteen-year-old! 

Now and then he would take hold of it in his hands, just to relive that euphoria and try to forget the lackluster academic performance he had managed.  On a particular gloomy day, he needed an ego boost and badly needed to hold that souvenir in his hands. It was his elixir to shore up his sagging mood which brazenly continued its downward swing.  To make the matter worse, that memorabilia had now gone missing from its usual place. 

In the house nobody had a clue about the missing souvenir. He was horror-struck at the state of security and wondered if an item can walk away just like that, then what guarantee is there that many other things had not followed suit? Distraught and irritated, he muttered, "If everyone has missed this one, then there could be many more that everyone has missed as well.” This muttering fell into the ears of his better-half and she promptly retorted, “before making sweeping statements, tell me how many things you could catalogue which we all have missed?” Confronted with the ‘catalogue challenge’, he found himself in the not-so-friendly hot water! 

His misfortune, and misadventure never came alone. From a simple handshake to a humble offer of help, he believed the other person would be equally courteous. Sadly, exceptions always existed along with the rule of etiquette. In reality, he had observed this kind of one-way traffic when his better- half went overboard to be of help and did not whine about it when being taken for granted.

He abhorred this ' taking for granted' attitude coming on top of the non-reciprocative gesture. As bad luck would have it, he muttered within earshot of his wife, “why people think getting help is just a one-way street?” His wife, refusing to join in an argument simply said, “why do you bother, you don’t even walk in a one-way street!”

Instead of keeping to his own counsel, he muttered “Why people have this insane predilection to deposit money in a hibernating account!” Even at the peak of his anger, he patted himself for coming up with a new word -hibernating account. The trigger was a news item which detailed how due to a fat-finger syndrome a bank managed to transfer lakhs of rupees into an inoperative account. Annoyed with his asides and besides, his better half, still on the scene asked him, “Do you have any account like that? Mutter and utter the number, now! Poor fellow had unwittingly set a flock of pigeons among the mother-cat! 

Another day and another of his footloose cat. His grandchildren came down from the bus with disappointment written all over their faces. Without ascertaining the context, he hurriedly framed the words that he hoped will take the sting out of their dejection. While walking with them, he started muttering, “For every winner on the podium, there are many losers on the ground." Instead of addressing their disappointment, he had managed to add fuel to the already raging fire. But our muttering-in-chief did not notice that the children’s usual chatter and banter had abruptly stopped. 

At home, the grandchildren revealed the real reason. They were sad not because they had lost in a competition but by the sharp criticism they had received from their Science and Mathematics teachers. Tutored and encouraged by yours’s truly, they had attempted to arrive at the same conclusion by a different approach. The teachers thought it was an out-of-the- text book excursion and promptly awarded question marks instead of marks! He, not knowing the background, had jumped too many guns and fired his muttering cum uttering, to further upset the kids. 

The whole family ganged up against him and said without mincing the words, "If you can't teach as prescribed and match your utterings with the prevailing situation, then stop making others getting more upset." 

In the end, it was the grandkids who chose to utter the words the elders dared not – “Grandpa, you need a factory reset!" He started to blame his ‘muttering before uttering’ for losing face even in front of his grandchildren 

Did he mind? Not to my knowledge, as he keeps finding himself in one mess after another.  Wonder, how do I know all these things?  Because, I happen to be a decade long neighbour, though he has been trying to forge a close friendship, though I neither got close nor strayed far. For courtesy sake, I had been wishing him the occasional good mornings and tin this narrative did not refer him by his name except as “he”! 

 why am I keeping him at a distance? Two reasons - I am allergic to pigeons and cats. I was also politely trying to avoid reding the dumped many drafts on my lap. He is a prolific writer, bent upon seasoning and aging the alphabets as far as he could push them. I am sure if are forced to read his so-called literary efforts, you would also come to the same conclusion!