Mr. Money keeps count
Let us meet my neighbour Mr. Money. Of course
this is not his given name, but due to his excessive obsession on money
matters, everyone knows him by this moniker. A word about his obsession, he is
not money minded but minds how people handle money. Like a fistful of loose
change jingling in your pants pocket, he goes on and on about his observations
logged in his memory. He has this knack of taking the listener two or three
decades back in time. In the same breath, he could switch to the present as
easily as a knife cutting through a block of butter.
His blockbuster narrations are anchored in
busy railways, bus and airport terminals or supermarkets or malls. After
choosing the space, he goes about bending timelines - backward and forward.
Closely questioned, his answer sweet talks the listener with currency or
plastic cards they still represent money.
How he became interested, according to him, in
watching money transactions is noteworthy.
Born in an agricultural, rural family, he had
watched people transacting in cash. For background, he never failed to point
out that those were the days when banking cash and then transact, was a
lightyear away from villages.
Agricultural loans and domestic expenses
are settled on the day of selling off the produce and this leaves nothing much
to bank. Then what about the cash transactions he is talking about? What else,
the counting of money being taken as loan for the next cycle. Like crops, these
cash transactions are also cyclic.
Keen observer that he is, his narration of the
process of counting the cash is noteworthy, for an avid listener. In one
method, the currency notes are held tightly, like a pack of cards, in one hand.
Then the top note is slid out, using the thumb, and followed by a sweep-pull by
the fingers of the other hand.
He has noticed subtle variations employed in
swipe-pulling - at hip level or chest level or face level. He has this
explanation - hip level sweep-pulling means reluctant to part with the cash but
inevitable; chest level signifies getting it over with; face level
sweep-pulling is the gesture of the lender to the less fortunate. He poses the
question why not cricketers, who play sweep shot, do not try this swipe-pull
shot?
Once, a curious listener asked him, whether he
had left out any other sundry detail? After a brief pause, like the ATM
processing a cash transaction, and out
came his reply – “Yes, I did not narrate
how some people constantly moist the swiping fingers over a wet sponge
or on outdoor locations, simply touch the tongue with either index or thumb
finger, to carry on!
The narrative jumps to the pre-plastic money
era. By design or happens, he is in the right place - bus, rail or airport
terminals - at the right time - when cash transactions take place. Welcome to
the world of wallet exhibitionism. A well-stocked wallet comes out, the owner
flips it open, and like an archaeologist shifts through the currency notes, and
finally takes out a single low value note. The vendor demands exact
change.
The wallet exhibitionist then pulls open the
coin storage pocket, mimics the action of a bus conductor searching for coins,
settles with the vendor and moves away. Closing the coin pouch and inserting
the wallet into the back pocket of the trouser or side pocket of the kurta is a
class act in itself. At the end of this audio show, Mr. Money adds that this is
a common sight. If you happen to be in time and at the right place, definitely
you can catch such a wallet exhibition by yourself.
None can allege that Mr. Money is partial
toward counting printed currency notes. In equal measure, to project his
unbiased views, he has observations on the in-use plastic money handlers.
Having graphically dwelled upon the actions of a wallet exhibitionist, he
requests the listener to revisit the description and apply the same procedure
substituting credit/debit cards in place of currency notes. This, he feels will
avoid him the trouble of describing, afresh, the cards- trick-in-wallet act.
Though nearing exhaustion, Mr. Money finds
sufficient energy to draw a parallel between card flashers and digital payment
makers. Though poorer in number of smartphones the person holds, he/she makes
it up with four or five payment Apps. Frantic or deliberate searching ensues to
locate and select the icon, then go through the steps with PIN and ending in
payment received announcement.
In sheer exasperation, Mr. Money says,
"It is like standing in a railway station, hearing the announcements of train
and platform numbers!" The hapless,
though started to listen eagerly, heaves a huge sigh of relief when Mr. Money
takes leave.
The listener is left wondering, why on earth
Mr. Money should worry about different forms of exhibitionism!
Is he not intrusively spying on others? Is he
doing it for fun or sending out a message with a tinge of regret that he never
got to practice such methods? Why at all I listened to him, is it because I too
had a similar secretive yearning?
Mr. Sound, sounds the bugle
Mr. Sound is dead against anything, living or
non-living, producing high decibel sound bytes when sound in lower scales could
as effectively be used.
Here, a word about the name - actually it is a
moniker that got attached due to his popularity, among friends, in coning the
slogan "less noise the others make, more the peace to you." Being his
friends, they overlooked the selfishness of me first.
His friends did not anticipate, the cacophony
it will raise, when they started to streamline the production of sound bytes,
by specifying the decibel levels, at home to start with. They invariably quoted
this borrowed example of an EV (Electric Vehicle) two, three, four or
multi-axle vehicles, speeding around noiselessly, to drive home their point
(courtesy Mr. Sound).
The first one tried to gently ease the slogan
into practice. But he made a wrong choice, in selecting the grandchildren for
the trial. As children do, they happily screeched and scooted all day long,
shooting the decibel levels skyward. To be heard over this din, the friend
raised his voice a little. This triggered the parents' protective instinct,
mistaking the grandfather being harsh on them, and in turn they too joined in
an audio-skirmish. The crowd dwelled with the arrival of the grandmother and for
her part she too added some high-pitched admonishments. The friend, after
taking a sound beating retreated. He regretted the choice and as well as the
slogan coined by Mr. Sound.
The second friend encountered a storm in the
house, when he just started to explain how all can bring a little relief from
reducing sound level. For making this speech, he reduced the volume in the
music system. This act was replied with angry shouts from the teenage
grandchildren. They were crooning, along with shrieking soprano voice trying to
compete with shrill metallic background score. To quieten them, the other
members of the family raised their collective voices, forcing the friend to
reset the volume to the original level, to restore peace. Unable to bear the
reverberations in his eardrums, he silently left the sound chamber.
A "wrong place at the wrong time"
type of person, he chose to highlight the benefit of less noise and more peace,
to none other than his wife. She has
‘the ripple in the pond like’ acquaintances, partially gone deaf while pushing
their age to the upper circuits of seventies. Cell phonic conversations usually
end up in almost shattering the window panes. Subtle, gentle and serious
gestures to tone down the volume only had the opposite effect. It usually ended
in a verbal duel between them, of course after spending an hour to complete the
call. The story of this friend of Mr. Sound ends like the Greek tragedy – he is shedding tears in frustration.
After a few days, the friends gathered to
compare notes on their attempts to implement Mr. Sound’s slogan. Lengthy
discussion, carried out in hushed tones, resulted in a broad consensus to
Confront Mr. Sound.
To ask him why he hit upon this slogan?
To Find out if he has successfully implemented
his idea at home?
To know if he or his family members suffering
with tinnitus (ringing in ears)?
Soon the noise of complaints, from his close friends,
filled Mr. Sound’s ears. He started to hear ringing in ears. It was like a
sound track from a sour throat!

Mr. Q. P
questions:
His friends, having no other go but to be
known as such, had nick named him Q.P. To foster the friendship, they kept him
in the dark about it. Unaware of this, Mr. Q P carried on, as usual to the
discomfort of his friends.
From sink hole to black holes, gentle breeze
to cyclone and pipelines to Panama Canal, he gets worked up just like that.
This in itself is not a worry factor but as actions have consequences, the
domino effect resulted in a train load of questions.
This aspect of Mr QP had his friends
wondering, why at all this deluge and why only on to them? A few of them
secretly acknowledged the inductive effect it had, as they too got the urge to
pose questions to others!
QP was a silent spectator in class rooms and
every period got inoculated with a dose of "Ask questions, when in
doubt" exhortation. Slow learner that he was, though with an active mind
full of wandering thoughts, he got the message much later.
These prolonged exhortations of his teachers,
led to an undesirable side effect - anything and everything needed to be
questioned, to get an answer. Some of his classmates are his current friends,
on whom he has chosen to exercise the teacher's exhortations. In his regimented
approach, he decided to leave the answering part to his close friends, though
they would like to keep a considerable distance away from him at these
sessions.
While watching the telecast of Olympic Games,
he suddenly asked, “Why tightrope walk on egg shells is not in Olympic
games?" His friend busy passing around the popcorn, was taken aback and
almost dropped the tub.
By this time, QP had changed the channel to
weather forecast.
It was no let up for the friends. Why cyclones
are named but tsunamis and earth quakes do not get that privilege? Friends kept
mum as they knew Q.P will find something else for posing questions.
Q.P has the habit of channel surfing, that too
when in the company of friends. On display was a heavy subject – gravitational
lensing. They discussed on light getting reflected and refracted., a simple
form of bending, without much complication. His friends were happy to be on the
same chapter. But every chapter has a bank of questions at the end, is it
not? This triggered Q.P to ask, “Bending
one's or another’s will, is it like bending of light? Is there a mathematical
equation to estimate the bending of mind?”
What are the contributions of persons, with IQ
higher than famous scientists like Albert Einstein and Stefan Hawkins, in the
field of science or medicines?
The child prodigies, who show cased their
musical talent, have they produced original music like that of Beethoven, Bach
or Chopin?
Why cherry pick on IQ and child prodigies, out
of timeframe, to strike a comparison, forgetting that the current level of
electronic universities was a futuristic concept at that time?
Obviously, the friends had no
answer for the simple reasons – not interested in such subjects and even if had
some interest they did not spend energy to get the doubts cleared. On their own
they decided to give their regular get-togethers, a miss to avail breathing
space. Missing his captive audience, Q.P decided to host a dinner and make a
plain-speak. The friends reluctantly agreed to attend and were taken aback by delicious
feast being arranged on the table. Except for the sound of cutlery, a studied
silence enveloped the dining table. Some of his friends likened it to ‘calm
before storm’ phenomenon. Q.P did not disappoint them but with a twist.
The first answer - tightrope
walking on eggshells is not feasible as the shells will crumble, and so not
included. The supplementary answer would be if sturdy eggshells are available,
there is a chance!
The second answer- earthquake
and tsunamis get tagged not by name but by date and geographical location. In the case of cyclones, it is a multiple
choice - more than one system might develop, in the same period, that is why
distinguished with a name!
The third answer- bending of
light follows certain physical laws and equations have been derived and proved.
Human reaction is in the meta-physical realm and unique to an individual.
Consequently, the forces that help to bend the will of a person is
inexplicable. So, no satisfactory mathematical equation could be derived or
proved!
The fourth answer- The I Q
comparison, otherwise will lack a perspective. As Einstein said, “It is true
for a particular frame of reference.” No disrespect is to be assumed. Coming to
child prodigies, it is nothing but referring to a super-fast assimilation
faculty of minds involved. A compilation of historical achievements of such
prodigies, in our times, might settle the issue, if similar, original music
works have been produced.
The last explanation-. Forgetting that the current level of electronic universities, was a
futuristic concept at that time, is poetic license for the out of timeframe cherry
picking!
Q.P decided, it was time drop the bombshell.
He looked at his friends with a knowing smile and remained silent. In that
silence, he could hear the meshing of gears in their minds. In turn they looked
at each other for a clue. It was a difficult task as the heavy dinner weighing
down in their stomach, has made them drowsy. Sensing disquiet, Q.P said in a
bold voice, “You all think that I don’t know the secret. Behind my back and in
a hushed tone, call me Q.P. I know it stands for question paper! Don’t you know,
there would be answers in the textbook itself?”
P.S:
If you happen to meet any one of
them, by chance of course, do not share my identity please!