Cui bono - who benefits?

 I am not a connoisseur of food and practically know nothing about making up a meal. This disadvantage apart, I like food that suits my taste buds, purse and importantly, how appealing they are to look at, without cosmetic touches. This might appear a tall order, but for one who is satisfied with a frugal serving, could I not afford to be a little choosy? Straying away into unchartered to taste diverse cuisines, is not on the map of my ‘food-venture’. All these good qualities (self-assessment!) often land me in hot soup, with my family members. They ‘cashout’ every opportunity, to taste exotic cuisines and insist that I too tag along. There is a reason, which will reveal itself later.

 Being the odd man in, I get frowned upon, in equal measures, both by my family members and the staff, in any food court. To the staff, probably thought of me as a creature out of the cave, before serving the out of syllabus menu item. Then the bill comes, sticking out a like tongue from inside the folded menu, along with a dour face  hoping for a considerable tip. In an instant, the dour face gets transplanted on to my face, as I have to settle it with swiping or out of a weeping wallet.

 Now, you know why I am forced to tag along! The episode does not end there. Back home, the family members gang up and serve me with a 'spoon by fork' description to anyone over phone or just dropped in.  To make matters worse, they challenge me, like a matador waving a rag - cook a meal or swallow the anti- gastronomic thoughts. I refuse to enter the bullfight, to avoid getting gored or trampled under hoofs to standby my epicurean rights to be a food critique! 

 When it comes to shopping, it is a no-hold-barred celebration involving window shopping and hopping from one section to another, in any shop they step in. This is the game for keeping the staff guessing and me fretting, in the side lines.  They curtly inform the staff, to keep the selected clothes separately, and nonchalantly walk out to another shop and repeat the same cycle, once again. I wonder, not so loud, that maybe they are trying to become brand influencers or tool kit gangsters, like the ones we hear about, everything every day! Suddenly, a friend’s recommendations strike, in their not so dull memory, like a bolt of lightning. They drag me along, through a jostling mass of shoppers and bylanes, to another shop, hard to find, in a cul-de-sac to complete the purchases there.

 Tired of tagging along, feeling like a fly in the oil, I point out in my sotto voce, what they have done is embarrassing. Their reply took the wind out of my sails. “Do you know, the more shops we visit, we add to the count of customers visiting that shop, at a given time. Is it not a free ad for the shop?”

 Undeterred, I asked, if you had no intention of buying them, why select and set aside some clothes, in those shops? They smugly replied, it was to perk up the interest of fellow shoppers, to buy the same selection or similar designs. It helps the shop to sell more. Flabbergasted, I asked, “then why did you buy in this not-so-easy-to-find shop?”

 “The visit to the other shops was to study the trending fashion.   Enough, are you paying with card or by cash, now? If it is by cash, there is a discount and some points. These points can be redeemed on future purchases!” Their reply blew a cyclone on the already tattered sails.

The throbbing aches of the last shopping tour was still afresh in my memory. I started looking for a chance, to tease them a little but not exceeding the threshold limit.  I decided to take them along on my own shopping trip sans the aches and jostles and crowded pathways. Destination -   a cloth store and a restaurant, both of my choice. Selling this idea, and getting them to relent, needed Atlas -like heavy lifting. Serious thinking opened up a possibility which, if handled properly, would be the leverage. I mentally thanked Mr. Archimedes for his timely mathematical proof on the of advantage of using a lever. I did not dwell, much on the proof, preferring to use the principle in a practical situation. To shift the collective weight of their decision in my favour.

Putting the plan into action, I started to complain about my wardrobe, filled with apparels that have weathered many seasons. I griped, at length, that some clothes did not even fit well. Sensing the potential trap that I would be walking into, I just omitted mentioning that the clothes are out of fashion too. These statements did not evoke the expected enthusiasm. They exclaimed and said, " Pants and shirts and inner wears! You are as imaginative as a plain paper - unchanging conservative colour, choice and texture and preferably from the same textile mill! You will not even look at something different, fashionable with checks or designs. What fun will be there for us to come for shopping with you, an ISO certified, one-shop, one counter -customer?" I felt like a lawyer getting the case thrown out at the admission stage itself.

Hitting a solid wall there, I immediately shifted gears and changed to another lane, where I hoped the going will be smooth. With feigned disinterest, I mentioned, about the new restraint my friend had visited about which his wife’s friends have given an excellent revie. This ruse - their opinion of my friendship, his views, and the fact that my friend’s wife’s friends have given that review.  They could not simply ignore this promising bait with a luscious lure! Tick-tock, the pendulum of curiosity started to make that oscillatory motion in their minds, urged by their taste buds. I was damned sure that a hectic debate, whether to accept the review by a third party or not, would certainly rage on for some time. To facilitate this opportune moment, I quietly withdrew, to show that I had no further interest to go out for shopping.

I was not surprised, when an emissary came up with the green signal for the restaurant visit with a rider that they may accompany me to the cloth shop, depending on how the restraint fares in their opinion. I dug me heels firmly and made it clear that the sequence would be as I have planned - cloth shop followed by the restaurant visit or not at all. After another confabulation, they relented – the lure and bait bending the will!

Once in a while, unboxing a surprise adds a twist to the expectations. With foresight, I had selected a shop with 7 or 8 floors. I made it a point to visit every floor and every counter, in the cloth shop, looking over choices in dress materials and branded apparels. At each floor, I took my sweet time to riffle through the collections, enquire with the sales persons on the finer points of displayed goods. 

At some counters, I even chatted about the manufacturing process of dyeing, weaving of fabrics and stitching practices. The employees in the shop as well as my retinue were flabbergasted and confused. I left them to wonder in silence, to discuss and draw their own conclusions about my off-the-rails, strange behaviour!

Finally, I dragged my befuddled family members to my usual corner and in no time selected dress materials for pants and shirts. You guessed it! In my usual shades and fabrics of comfort, of course. At the bill counter, I could sense pairs of eyes boring into my back. They asked, "Why all the drama, for this great selection? What made you to lecture him on texture, weave, weft, drape, count of thread and packaging of ready-mades?”

I retorted, “Was it alright, when all of you questioned about bleeding and fading of colour, and guarantee for durability? The poor salesman, simply repeated whatever, he had been coached and not from his personal experience.” Without further upsetting their apple cart, I gently pointed out that I was only trying to further the technical understanding of the clothes the salesmen were handling. Now, all of you have learnt some more finer points, to ask a hapless salesperson, next time! At this point, a sneaking doubt, must have raised in their minds, whether the promised restaurant visit would turn out to be another damp squib?

The restaurant bore the name “the Trreaat" for some reason best known to the management. We were ushered to a table and silently a menu card was placed in front of us. It had only one printed caption "the Plate." And underneath it, numerous pictures filled the paperscape. Pretty and long faces giving me company, I identify over half a dozen, table spoon sized, breakfast delicacies nestled under the caption. A little doubt crossed in all our minds- real or photoshopped sizes. An inset card proclaimed, “whichever delicacy you finish, another will take its place.”

It was delightful to watch the pretty and long faces becoming normal and then beaming with anticipation. When we finished our course, silently a bill was placed on the table and the staff vanished without a second look. Till the end, there was no table talk by us or by the staff. This landed me in a dilemma - to leave a tip or not! Another thought also flashed through my mind. Why don’t they add this – “We serve silence too’ alongside the caption.?”

 At the cash counter, I asked, “Don’t you serve lunch and dinner?"

"No. This is an out and out breakfast type establishment. Though it sounds ordinary, the menu offers a change to lunch and dinner clientele. It offers novelty to the die-hard breakfasters. Our only menu is "the Plate", small servings with replenishment, aplenty."

The journey back home was in total, deep space like silence. I felt happy and surprised that today's twin experience has already started to occupy their thoughts. Knowing them well enough, I anticipated some changes, soon in their mindset. I applauded myself for having given them this experience. Not one to let go off an experience and with enough material on hand for a narrative, I promptly sat down to write it down.  

The morning of next day, was an unimaginable experience, transporting me to another dimension. Our dining table looked like a crowded platform. Thermo-wares of different shapes and ceramic plates jostled for standing space. Raising above this melee, a hand-crafted placard proudly announced "Per favore" Then the chefs, proceeded to dazzle me, by serving microscopic, delicious items. Mid-course, another placard appeared displaying, "more on the way”.  I once again landed in a dilemma- to announce a generous tip and get beaten blue and black or to promise them another restaurant visit. To be diplomatic, I hastily scribbled on a napkin and showed it to them -'merci, ありがとう (Arigatō), with a beaming smiley .... My daughter, a literary buff, identified the foreign lingo, tipped her imaginary hat at me and blurted out Cui bono - who benefits?

 

You guessed right, and hit the jackpot! Cell towers started humming with flash news from the kitchen. Now and then, I looked through the window to spot arrivals for a kitchen-table conference. Having spread my appreciation all around, I hastened to include this last paragraph, to the narrative in progress.