The three gentlemen

 

Mr. Money keeps count

 Let us meet my neighbour Mr. Money. Of course this is not his given name, but due to his excessive obsession on money matters, everyone knows him by this moniker. A word about his obsession, he is not money minded but minds how people handle money. Like a fistful of loose change jingling in your pants pocket, he goes on and on about his observations logged in his memory. He has this knack of taking the listener two or three decades back in time. In the same breath, he could switch to the present as easily as a knife cutting through a block of butter. 

 His blockbuster narrations are anchored in busy railways, bus and airport terminals or supermarkets or malls. After choosing the space, he goes about bending timelines - backward and forward. Closely questioned, his answer sweet talks the listener with currency or plastic cards they still represent money. 

 How he became interested, according to him, in watching money transactions is noteworthy.

Born in an agricultural, rural family, he had watched people transacting in cash. For background, he never failed to point out that those were the days when banking cash and then transact, was a lightyear away from villages. 

 Agricultural loans and domestic expenses are settled on the day of selling off the produce and this leaves nothing much to bank. Then what about the cash transactions he is talking about? What else, the counting of money being taken as loan for the next cycle. Like crops, these cash transactions are also cyclic.

Keen observer that he is, his narration of the process of counting the cash is noteworthy, for an avid listener. In one method, the currency notes are held tightly, like a pack of cards, in one hand. Then the top note is slid out, using the thumb, and followed by a sweep-pull by the fingers of the other hand.  

He has noticed subtle variations employed in swipe-pulling - at hip level or chest level or face level. He has this explanation - hip level sweep-pulling means reluctant to part with the cash but inevitable; chest level signifies getting it over with; face level sweep-pulling is the gesture of the lender to the less fortunate. He poses the question why not cricketers, who play sweep shot, do not try this swipe-pull shot?

Once, a curious listener asked him, whether he had left out any other sundry detail? After a brief pause, like the ATM processing a  cash transaction, and out came his reply – “Yes, I did not narrate how some people constantly moist the swiping fingers over a wet sponge or on outdoor locations, simply touch the tongue with either index or thumb finger, to carry on!

The narrative jumps to the pre-plastic money era. By design or happens, he is in the right place - bus, rail or airport terminals - at the right time - when cash transactions take place. Welcome to the world of wallet exhibitionism. A well-stocked wallet comes out, the owner flips it open, and like an archaeologist shifts through the currency notes, and finally takes out a single low value note. The vendor demands exact change. 

The wallet exhibitionist then pulls open the coin storage pocket, mimics the action of a bus conductor searching for coins, settles with the vendor and moves away. Closing the coin pouch and inserting the wallet into the back pocket of the trouser or side pocket of the kurta is a class act in itself. At the end of this audio show, Mr. Money adds that this is a common sight. If you happen to be in time and at the right place, definitely you can catch such a wallet exhibition by yourself.

None can allege that Mr. Money is partial toward counting printed currency notes. In equal measure, to project his unbiased views, he has observations on the in-use plastic money handlers. Having graphically dwelled upon the actions of a wallet exhibitionist, he requests the listener to revisit the description and apply the same procedure substituting credit/debit cards in place of currency notes. This, he feels will avoid him the trouble of describing, afresh, the cards- trick-in-wallet act.

Though nearing exhaustion, Mr. Money finds sufficient energy to draw a parallel between card flashers and digital payment makers. Though poorer in number of smartphones the person holds, he/she makes it up with four or five payment Apps. Frantic or deliberate searching ensues to locate and select the icon, then go through the steps with PIN and ending in payment received announcement.

In sheer exasperation, Mr. Money says, "It is like standing in a railway station, hearing the announcements of train and platform numbers!"  The hapless, though started to listen eagerly, heaves a huge sigh of relief when Mr. Money takes leave.

The listener is left wondering, why on earth Mr. Money should worry about different forms of exhibitionism!

Is he not intrusively spying on others? Is he doing it for fun or sending out a message with a tinge of regret that he never got to practice such methods? Why at all I listened to him, is it because I too had a similar secretive yearning?

Mr. Sound, sounds the bugle

Mr. Sound is dead against anything, living or non-living, producing high decibel sound bytes when sound in lower scales could as effectively be used.

Here, a word about the name - actually it is a moniker that got attached due to his popularity, among friends, in coning the slogan "less noise the others make, more the peace to you." Being his friends, they overlooked the selfishness of me first.

His friends did not anticipate, the cacophony it will raise, when they started to streamline the production of sound bytes, by specifying the decibel levels, at home to start with. They invariably quoted this borrowed example of an EV (Electric Vehicle) two, three, four or multi-axle vehicles, speeding around noiselessly, to drive home their point (courtesy Mr. Sound). 

The first one tried to gently ease the slogan into practice. But he made a wrong choice, in selecting the grandchildren for the trial. As children do, they happily screeched and scooted all day long, shooting the decibel levels skyward. To be heard over this din, the friend raised his voice a little. This triggered the parents' protective instinct, mistaking the grandfather being harsh on them, and in turn they too joined in an audio-skirmish. The crowd dwelled with the arrival of the grandmother and for her part she too added some high-pitched admonishments. The friend, after taking a sound beating retreated. He regretted the choice and as well as the slogan coined by Mr. Sound.

The second friend encountered a storm in the house, when he just started to explain how all can bring a little relief from reducing sound level. For making this speech, he reduced the volume in the music system. This act was replied with angry shouts from the teenage grandchildren. They were crooning, along with shrieking soprano voice trying to compete with shrill metallic background score.  To quieten them, the other members of the family raised their collective voices, forcing the friend to reset the volume to the original level, to restore peace. Unable to bear the reverberations in his eardrums, he silently left the sound chamber.

A "wrong place at the wrong time" type of person, he chose to highlight the benefit of less noise and more peace, to none other than his wife.  She has ‘the ripple in the pond like’ acquaintances, partially gone deaf while pushing their age to the upper circuits of seventies. Cell phonic conversations usually end up in almost shattering the window panes. Subtle, gentle and serious gestures to tone down the volume only had the opposite effect. It usually ended in a verbal duel between them, of course after spending an hour to complete the call. The story of this friend of Mr. Sound ends like the Greek tragedy – he is shedding tears in frustration.

After a few days, the friends gathered to compare notes on their attempts to implement Mr. Sound’s slogan. Lengthy discussion, carried out in hushed tones, resulted in a broad consensus to Confront Mr. Sound.

To ask him why he hit upon this slogan?

To Find out if he has successfully implemented his idea at home?

To know if he or his family members suffering with tinnitus (ringing in ears)?

Soon the noise of complaints, from his close friends, filled Mr. Sound’s ears. He started to hear ringing in ears. It was like a sound track from a sour throat!

Mr. Q. P   questions:                         

 

His friends, having no other go but to be known as such, had nick named him Q.P. To foster the friendship, they kept him in the dark about it. Unaware of this, Mr. Q P carried on, as usual to the discomfort of his friends.

 

From sink hole to black holes, gentle breeze to cyclone and pipelines to Panama Canal, he gets worked up just like that. This in itself is not a worry factor but as actions have consequences, the domino effect resulted in a train load of questions.

 

This aspect of Mr QP had his friends wondering, why at all this deluge and why only on to them? A few of them secretly acknowledged the inductive effect it had, as they too got the urge to pose questions to others!

 

QP was a silent spectator in class rooms and every period got inoculated with a dose of "Ask questions, when in doubt" exhortation. Slow learner that he was, though with an active mind full of wandering thoughts, he got the message much later.

 

These prolonged exhortations of his teachers, led to an undesirable side effect - anything and everything needed to be questioned, to get an answer. Some of his classmates are his current friends, on whom he has chosen to exercise the teacher's exhortations. In his regimented approach, he decided to leave the answering part to his close friends, though they would like to keep a considerable distance away from him at these sessions.

While watching the telecast of Olympic Games, he suddenly asked, “Why tightrope walk on egg shells is not in Olympic games?" His friend busy passing around the popcorn, was taken aback and almost dropped the tub. 

By this time, QP had changed the channel to weather forecast.

It was no let up for the friends.  Why cyclones are named but tsunamis and earth quakes do not get that privilege? Friends kept mum as they knew Q.P will find something else for posing questions.

Q.P has the habit of channel surfing, that too when in the company of friends. On display was a heavy subject – gravitational lensing. They discussed on light getting reflected and refracted., a simple form of bending, without much complication. His friends were happy to be on the same chapter. But every chapter has a bank of questions at the end, is it not?  This triggered Q.P to ask, “Bending one's or another’s will, is it like bending of light? Is there a mathematical equation to estimate the bending of mind?”

What are the contributions of persons, with IQ higher than famous scientists like Albert Einstein and Stefan Hawkins, in the field of science or medicines? 

The child prodigies, who show cased their musical talent, have they produced original music like that of Beethoven, Bach or Chopin?

Why cherry pick on IQ and child prodigies, out of timeframe, to strike a comparison, forgetting that the current level of electronic universities was a futuristic concept at that time?

 Obviously, the friends had no answer for the simple reasons – not interested in such subjects and even if had some interest they did not spend energy to get the doubts cleared. On their own they decided to give their regular get-togethers, a miss to avail breathing space. Missing his captive audience, Q.P decided to host a dinner and make a plain-speak. The friends reluctantly agreed to attend and were taken aback by delicious feast being arranged on the table. Except for the sound of cutlery, a studied silence enveloped the dining table. Some of his friends likened it to ‘calm before storm’ phenomenon. Q.P did not disappoint them but with a twist.

The first answer - tightrope walking on eggshells is not feasible as the shells will crumble, and so not included. The supplementary answer would be if sturdy eggshells are available, there is a chance!

The second answer- earthquake and tsunamis get tagged not by name but by date and geographical location.  In the case of cyclones, it is a multiple choice - more than one system might develop, in the same period, that is why distinguished with a name!

The third answer- bending of light follows certain physical laws and equations have been derived and proved. Human reaction is in the meta-physical realm and unique to an individual. Consequently, the forces that help to bend the will of a person is inexplicable. So, no satisfactory mathematical equation could be derived or proved!

The fourth answer- The I Q comparison, otherwise will lack a perspective. As Einstein said, “It is true for a particular frame of reference.” No disrespect is to be assumed. Coming to child prodigies, it is nothing but referring to a super-fast assimilation faculty of minds involved. A compilation of historical achievements of such prodigies, in our times, might settle the issue, if similar, original music works have been produced.

The last explanation-. Forgetting that the current level of electronic universities, was a futuristic concept at that time, is poetic license for the out of timeframe cherry picking!

Q.P decided, it was time drop the bombshell. He looked at his friends with a knowing smile and remained silent. In that silence, he could hear the meshing of gears in their minds. In turn they looked at each other for a clue. It was a difficult task as the heavy dinner weighing down in their stomach, has made them drowsy. Sensing disquiet, Q.P said in a bold voice, “You all think that I don’t know the secret. Behind my back and in a hushed tone, call me Q.P. I know it stands for question paper! Don’t you know, there would be answers in the textbook itself?”

P.S:

If you happen to meet any one of them, by chance of course, do not share my identity please!