Diplomacy of everyday kind:

During school days, he was a borderline case in geography. History frightened the wits out of him - every other chapter, letting bloodbath in battles and conquests. Mercifully, some historians tried to lessen the nightmare by including chapters on acts of vitalising art forms, music, dancing, literature and architecture. These few narrators tried to show the victors, notwithstanding the sufferings wrought on the populace, in a positive light – a nascent form of modern day paid promotion.

Escaping the mandatory academic stream did not end in anyway better. Modern history filled the chapters with same old bloodbath stories, with bullets, bombs, missiles and diplomats. Somewhere down the line, the geographical borders became meaningless as new breed of fighters emerged – the terrorists. They became freedom fighters, for any cause, as long as their acts are sponsored by sovereign, nations, and violated national and international laws. Sponsoring nations and rubber-stamping international bodies, hibernate instead of acting to weed out the crop of terrorists and their yield - terrorism.

While nations moved their diplomats around the globe, how can he sit idle, twiddling his thumbs and feeling sidelined? what could he do? Why should not he be involved? He decided to, whatever it takes to, lay it threadbare, in the public domain, so that the passer-byes would recognise the nuances of his brand of diplomacy, sans diplomatic couriers, pouches and passports!

The needed expertise is not acquired, through a stint in Foreign Ministry or by chasing-the-shadow-of a jetliner, over the oceans. If at all, the skill gets fine-tuned by staying ahead, on one’s own learning curve. This diplomacy is active, not between countries in conflict but within the ordinary people - us and among us. Broadly speaking, a domestic version and an equally important vocational version, of this diplomacy exists, with striking parallels. Geopolitical diplomacy is structured with many parts. Likewise, this type too uses many parts – of the body! Due to utter lack of appreciation, this diplomacy does not draw media attention, though it comes with the possibilities of retreats.

 Under the bus:

Maybe it is an embedded technology, in the DNA of escape artists. To walk away from the mess – created or stepped into, these artists don’t think twice to gladly push a scapegoat under the bus, laden with the blame. No ‘goat worth its bleat goes willingly to the slaughterhouse’! At home, the scapegoat could be a past-the-prime person, and in the work environment, it would be a face-in-the-crowd junior artist without dialogues. These diplomats know the golden rule - all fingers are not equal and there is a world of difference in what each one could mean.

 Indexing diplomacy:

By far, the favourite for many reasons is the index finger. By lying horizontal or parallel to the ground, it helps in effortlessly shifting the mess on to someone else. Standing straight, the index finger wags, left and right, to send warning signals to the blamed one. At home or in the work-related context, the index finger could zero in on anyone, bearing a striking resemblance to the crowd-scene junior artist with inappropriate makeup. This is a 2-in-1 finger diplomacy - effective in shifting the blame and at the same time to send warning signals.

Thumbing diplomacy:

Next in line is the thumb. Its sole diplomatic brief is - ask someone else, I don't know. This is slightly different from the shifting the mess diplomacy. This thumbing diplomat leaves open a backdoor to easily escape without assigning responsibility to a specific target - a sort of hoot and scoot move. Having obtained this diplomatic wisdom, the person starts to practice the shoulder-shrug diplomacy, to be little more emphatic in conveying- the I don’t know! This thumb and shoulder-shrug diplomacy has no competitor in its universal appeal as neutral diplomacy.  It is as useful as note verbale or demarche or aide-memoire  or any other diplomatic tool!  

Middle finger diplomacy:

This is a rarely used, un-diplomatic diplomacy. It has an ‘adult only' restriction as only they can get away being crude or rude by quoting justification and clauses, from their own diplomatic code book. This middle finger diplomacy, also known as rage diplomacy, is practiced among the general public, when one becomes angry by the actions of another. The flip side is, whenever a juvenile tries to raise this finger, it is forcefully put down and frowned upon by the same people who happily pursue this modus operandi.

All fingers on deck diplomacy:

This a classical act, in itself. This, universal gesture needs geometrical perfection to pull it off. Here is how this diplomacy unfolds - hands swivelled outwards by 45°, back of palms parallel to the ground, all fingers extending out in perfect alignment to the palms and matched with a half sheepish grin. This gesture conveys a nuanced philosophical approach - who knows, whose fault it is? what has to happen has happened, what I can do? In the practice of this diplomacy, the diplomat ropes in the palms and reluctantly co-operating (remaining close to the body) forearms.

Closed first diplomacy:

This diplomacy is reserved for use between individuals, either related or unrelated. Outbursts laden with harsh words are exchanged (not allowed in geopolitical diplomacy) and closed fists are brought to the table.  Sometimes, the engagement stops abruptly and at times lingers on for a length of time. When the situation spirals out of control, irrespective of time and place, this diplomatic spat ends in fisticuffs and bruises. Since claiming diplomatic immunity is not an option, facing the music of Law & Order is a given. Few nations use this form of as “posturing or provocative” diplomacy, just to gauge the reaction of another nation, without exchanging punches.

Wolf in lambs’ hide diplomacy:

This kind. a go-to-diplomacy, is assiduously practiced when a nation or a person believes, that it is easier to escape consequences, by diverting attention rather than holding on to an unanswerable mess. Spreading reasonably sounding, dubious allegations, on any likely contributing factor, from the past to the future does the trick. Use of software glitches and computer viruses add mystery to the misinformation.  This diplomacy is exclusive to overt or covert dabblers in others’ affairs.

 Reverse or boomerang diplomacy:

There comes a point, when push comes to shove, and the mess created is very serious. As a last-ditch effort, the “perpetrator” - be it a nation or an individual. plays this victim card diplomacy. This category of action is so potent, like the nuclear deterrent, it draws in ‘others’ who are in no way affected, to scramble to the aid of this blame-shifter. To be effective, this diplomacy, has to be played simultaneously at multiple levels. After all, the world is a stage and is not everyone an actor?

The perpetrators have this nightmare. What happens if this victim card diplomacy results in one of the following responses?

Raising the shoulder or washing the hands off and or standing aloof?

Now, the perpetrators get a reality check with the Digging the pit diplomacy.

Who is the “He”?

An individual who has been keeping tabs on the flurry of diplomatic and back-channel activities around the globe.

What inspired him?

For all the money and time spent in all these activities, these diplomats and back-channelers are left with no resource or energy to focus on the ordinary individuals and their sundry problems. While at it, he thought of this exercise, as a means to position himself as a pseudo-diplomat. All said and done, he is smug happy for having involved the human body parts, to the extent possible!

In your opinion, if you feel that he had created a mess, you are free to use one of his suggested diplomatic manoeuvres, to settle the issue with him.