Teflon Man Arranges.

In life, some occasions need elaborate arrangements. Some individuals are themselves capable of managing every thing - the 'all- in -all' personalities.

Few lack this capacity. These people necessarily, depend on the support of friends & relatives. There are reasons for such a crutch-leaning.

They are afraid of making a mess of it, afraid of criticism or plain lack of self confidence.
Otherwise, these people might be capable of many   feats. They are content to try and manage things within their limitations.

Outwardly, they appear as parasites or imbeciles in the eyes of the family members & relatives- this dependency gets branded as – ‘a floating point’

A friend of mine narrated his experience in arranging the marriage functions of his son and daughter, with in a short time gap.

I know him to be a workaholic yet had been planning for these marriages, in his mind and in his own way. His mind works like a clam, shutting everything in.

His wife started reminding him of the parental responsibility, urging him to look for a suitable bride for their son. My friend became a little frightened at the prospect of managing innumerable tasks for such a celebration.

He remained evasive for a while and mentally called up on his favourite deities, friends & relatives – sending SOS to kindly to lead him through the arrangements.

His favourite deities, in benevolent mood, might have decided to extend a helping hand. The boy broke the news that he was in love. He had already convinced his mother and together they brought the proposal for his approval.

My friend felt elated that he has crossed the halfway mark without any effort. He readily said yes, surprising both mother and son. They were expecting an avalanche to sweep them off or a volcano to explode and erupt.

I looked at him searchingly. Understanding the meaning of my look, he explained the reason for his decision. “All along I have been secretly wishing that at least my son will do so - as I had no such courage, either to fall in love or to announce an affair”.

His wife had many friends and relatives; he had a few colleagues – to organise the rest of the formalities.

My friend still felt apprehensive and I could understand that, knowing the way he works – every thing should follow a pre-determined course and unchanged. His wife was the anti-thesis for this straight-jacketed approach – ready for changes & challenges.

Adhering to such a just in time schedule, that too in a marriage function, is really asking for the impossible. My friend has the habit of becoming boorish and letting others know it- purely an over reaction of reflexes on delays and deviations.

This helped only to rub salt in the wounds of wrong persons- all for nothing and though, really not meaning to.

At every opportunity, his behaviour at the time of this function or that function was recalled with snide. On these occasions, my friend also felt hurt and remorseful but he never talked about his feelings.
He meant well but did not convey it well – this he knew.

After two years, he came to my house again with an invitation card for his daughter’s marriage.
He had not changed much and looked ever so tense. He is such a person who cracks a joke in all seriousness and used to say that a little seriousness was lacking in “seriousness itself”.

He appeared to relax a bit and filled me in with the details, thus far. He said he was relieved when his daughter took him in to confidence to announce her love affair.

Probably from her perceptions, she might have expected a big bang. Feeling happy, he had offered to standby her - if at all a need arose.

The daughter might have anticipated a showdown and was perplexed why daddy readily waved the green flag?

There was this interplay – a quid pro quo. Daughter agreed to let him insert a pull out with his blog address along with the marriage invitation!

This might appear to anyone as a cheap bargain. To me it was his way expressing a desire to write. I knew him better than you, girl!

I and My friend used to discuss about the way the girl child is caged in tradition. He wanted them to enjoy more freedom and hated that they only had to shore up the prestige & tradition of the khandaan.

The vehemence, in his arguments used to unsettle me at times but that was his passion speaking. He never showed these feelings, openly.

He visited me, whenever he felt irritant - new issues, changes in settled plan or even a small request which was normally accepted.

He would talk about it, expecting no advice. He himself will inform, after some time, that the issues have been amicably resolved and only he had been foolish.

With me, he tried to be honest in accepting a little of his flaws. To make such statements, a lot of courage is required and he had that.

What, he did not have was finesse!

I had it and so did not point out his short comings.

He stood by his word and married off his daughter in style, as she wished. Now he had a new circle of friends from the boy’s family too  and was quite happy about that.

This is the complexity of his mind. He is affectionate but will not to show it. He is friendly, yet unwilling, to cooperate. He cares but appears unconcerned.

A paradox and puzzle, rolled in to one.

I know him very well. We are childhood friends; hail from the same native, lived in the same street and in adjacent houses.

Though we don’t run into each other often, clairvoyance existed between us, to sense each others feelings.

His family background or positional stresses might be the underlying reason for his out of sync attitude.

As a friend I never advised him nor tried to pry loose his secrets.

I once asked him, “Why don’t you open up and express your thoughts?”

His reply was revealing. “If I go on telling my views, people let go of their past feelings/opinions, latch on to my words and turn them around like in a grappling hook. It has neither helped me nor them”

I understood why he appears to remain aloof.

He is a Teflon man – it sticks to the base and does not allow other things to stick to it.