When he leafed through the pages of a World War II novel , he came face to face, literally, with brave Generals conducting the war with the help of brilliant minds that generated secret codes for transmission and equally brilliant minds, bent upon unraveling those messages. Tom broke off at this point to check for more background information on how codes were generated in those days and the efforts of Alan Turing and team in breaking the complicated “enigma” code.
The word enigma strummed his memory chords about the confusing signals he had received and failed to read in his life. This made him to search for his chronicle where he had recorded such incidents. He started to read the written passages, in a whispering voice. He wanted to hear them like a personal audition. Tom was not worried about ‘any fly on the wall’ hearing his outpourings.
I was surprised when a long lost friend called on me after a spell of hibernation. The friend appeared a little worried but otherwise seemed to be in good health. After the pleasantries and a meal, both got talking about the bygone days. At this point my wife joined them and enquired about the well being of the friend’s family members though this little curtsy never occurred to me, till then.
The friend had come to seek a ‘bridge loan’ to steady the finances of the small enterprise he was managing. No sooner these words came out, my wife threw her peculiar slant look in my direction to freeze any action I was contemplating. Compelled to decline my friend’s request, I could only manage a half hearted participation in further conversations. Getting the message, the friend politely excused himself after thanking us for the hospitality. This incident rankled in me for some days.
Few months afterwards, my wife’s friend came over and the ladies got talking about common friends and relatives of each other. The long, animated talk must have tired them a bit and my wife, suddenly remembering my presence, emerged from the kitchen with a tray loaded with tea and snacks. She broke the news, in an undertone that her friend is planning to purchase an apartment and had asked for a loan of a few lakhs of rupees. She assured that the money will be returned in convenient installments. In a conciliatory tone she also added, “If we don’t help her whom else she will run to?” What she left unsaid was who decides the convenience of the repayment schedule and a valid reason why we alone are in a position to help her friend.
I stood flabbergasted at the alacrity with which our money was to be siphoned out from the bank. That too, on a no-interest basis! Fuming within myself I thought about the manner in which her financial signals alternated - in my friend’s case it was a 
hopeless proposition and for her friend it became an ironclad deal.How deftly she had used her veto power to silence my stillborn protests. Will she feel bad to know that my friend had succeeded in getting help to steady his enterprise? Will it ever occur to her that a gamble to ensure livelihood for about a dozen people would have been more satisfying than helping a personal friend to acquire a comfort?
Disturbed by these thoughts in trying to decipher her confusing signals, my train of thoughts took me on a backward journey to the time, and the pages in my diary, when we had growing kids to take care. Their small needs were always spelt out at the last possible moment with this irresistible offer - to draw cash if that would not be a bother to me! My attempts to instill a sense of pre-planning and budgeting discipline were always resisted and resented by them. They showed resistance to counter my often repeated fiscal lectures and resentment because I have been resisting their moves to open their own savings accounts.
Don’t mistake me for an autocrat; there was no sense in spreading the fixed monthly income into number of baskets. Like the proverb “flowing water will eventually erode even a granite stone” they wore down my resistance and managed my withdrawals with nimble fingers, till the completion of their school education. Not to delay it any further, I opened savings accounts for them at that time.
My thoughts dashed forward, in time, to find out what interesting entries I have made to remind me of what happened afterwards.
Years kept rolling by and now they have become busy professionals. The unpredictable traffic snarls ate up a considerable part of their time and they always complained about lack of time on any given day. Having enjoyed a pickup and drop professional life, I pitied them for the troubles in managing travel on their own. The interesting entry I was looking for leapt at me, probably thinking I would give it a miss! It so happened once I had to exhaust my reserves in an emergency. Running short of ready cash, I swallowed my pride and put out my hands toward my children for their debit cards. At least I wanted to avoid them the trouble of finding the time and an ATM.
My out stretched hands remained supporting a column of air standing over them. To give them a chance to think about the possibilities of pooling cash on hand, I remained silent for a while as the wall clock kept on ticking as if to give me company. After a reasonable time they blurted out in unison, “Can you wait till evening, we will see if we could draw the cash while coming home!”
This unexpected answer took me back to those times when they could just get hold of my card at will. The questions why they did not trust me, for even once, with their ATM cards and whether my wife, if present during this exchange, would have raised any objection with the children kept begging for answers. They never fail to frustrate and drive me up the hill of despair.
I wonder how Alan Tuner could break into the ‘enigma’ codes during World War II! Anyhow, WWII is history and I am now confused about these types of signals, emanating from my own clan. May be I should seriously follow in his footsteps to crack these signals. Till then, what can I do except savoring the mysteries?
He came back to the present with the thought maybe he was not good enough to decipher their puzzling thought process and finding ways to overcome their trust deficit! May be he had been over cautious about financial matters in the early stages of professional life. Had he been extravagant, where from money would have come for the present comfortable life?
Wearily Tom closed the pages of the novel and the memories of the past to look at the micro particles floating in the shaft of sunlight. After having patiently listened to Tom’s monologue and loud thinking, the fly on the wall made its exit.
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