The Mouse trap

The world has come to such an impasse, driving the contestants and exit pollsters to clamour for a “fix”. Probably to keep aside some free time to deal with agitations and allegations against him, Ganesha had wisely passed on the burden to me – mused the Mouse.  The heavy duty unloaded on his small head worried the Mouse a lot. As he had watched his master from close quarters, dealing with issues, certain amount of confidence welled up in his whole body. Yet, politics, politicians and pollsters appeared to be a tough nut to gnaw and crack. 

Time appeared to be in his favour as the contests ran into several weeks, appeals and disposals could be dealt with in a phased manner. This was a huge relief. The Mouse decided to, use the time effectively, visit the constituencies and personally gauge the pulse of the electorate and assimilate sufficient background material. This would help him to address the issues of the applicants.  He prepared a comprehensive demography, constituency wise, and an antecedent synopsis for each of the received application pleading for a “fix.” 

Wherever election was scheduled, he noticed large gathering of men and women, waiting patiently under scorching sun. The Mouse climbed on to a barricade, to get a better view of the raised platform and the proceedings. He wondered why a large open space had been left in between the barricade and the platform? He could see speaker after speaker raising a hand and shaking the index finger at an imaginary target, demanding to know why? how?  when? Where? and other such words which could be attached with a question mark. The Mouse, on seeing and hearing this pantomime, got a little confused as did the crowd. He left the place thinking if the crowd cannot get anywhere near the candidate now, will they be able to do so after the election? His inner voice loudly proclaimed, “No.” 

Such incidents, where ever he went, did not discourage him. The Mouse became politically astute - had the pulse of the electorate and the roll of dice for contestants. This said and done, he recalled Ganesha’s advice – “Whatever be your opinion, you are to agree or disagree within the bounds of the individual applicant’s stated request.” Back from the round up of the constituencies, he planned to get familiar with the 'hit or miss.” games played in the poll prediction arena. After all pollsters too have applied for a "fix."

The Mouse segregated the wish lists broadly in to similar category. This served in two ways; same verdict for similar applications and the tabulated final pronouncements worthy for media dissemination, if media houses decide to do so. The compiled list of candidates contained glaring omissions and unspoken of commissions. No mention of good deeds they have done in the preceding years and no mention of promises to render good service now, to the electorates nor any gratitude to Ganesha. The Mouse chuckled, "As usual promises are made and forgotten till next opportunity comes for making newer promises.” He decided to count this as a demerit against the candidate. 

The hazy picture emerging after an election did not appeal in any way. Jumping shipman- ship, before, during and after an election appears to be a political DNA. They talk about ideology only to prove how easy it is to switch from one to another? Should such candidate get a pass.?

The defeated ones oppose everything, and the successful ones remind them their failures. At the end of term, both teams get ready to face the electorate with fresh manifestoes bearing novel ideas to drag the economy downwards. Strange ide ologies come together to form a ragtag coalition which survives solely on defection oxygen and daily visit to Intensive Care Units. The opposition takes to via Tarot cards, crystal gazing and other paranormal channels to predict the life expectancy of the coalition in number of days, months or years using Numerology”.

Since polling precedes counting, he decided to first focus on the pre-election appeals, keeping aside the post-poll issues for later. Similarly, pre-poll predictions will be dealt with first and the post-poll whining for later. He paused to wonder, “Why no appeals from panelists, who are always part and parcel of any live overage”?

Pollsters who enjoyed crunching numbers will go back to the drawing board, cursing themselves. The parties claiming landslide victory finding only an ankle-deep avalanche in their favour will leave for a 'retreat' to find fault and plan for the next hustings. He decided not to entertain their appeals- pre or post elections.

Panelists who come out with their own views, which the voters do not subscribe to, will start sending feelers for other TV debate opportunities. What to do till next election? The Mouse knew they will always survive and re-surface at appropriate times – so no pressure on them for seeking favours. Case can be dismissed, without scrutiny. Since the media house and the panelists really do not get ‘defeated’, where is the case for them to appeal? 

Before the start, the parties (the candidates) and pre-poll predictors are busy floating balloons in the air. As the polling progresses, some balloons are brought down, some get punctured and ballons of different colours occupy the vacated space. As the polling comes to a close, some more ballons of different colours vie for breathing space. Pollsters declare their poll of polls trying to hedge the bet. With bated breath, all of them wait for the outcome from various counting centers. Then parties, keep doors open and scramble to cobble a coalition with balloons of pleasing colours(parties). 

EVMs are another story. It is a love-hate machine. Designers of the machine and winning candidates love it; losers hate it. When losers win, they love it and the winners become losers they hate it. After all, it is at political fights. The Stand-alone EVMs are not going to appeal anyway!”

At this point, his little brain got overheated and almost started spewing steam through all the pores on the head. He wished that he too had a bigger head, as his master. He discarded the wish immediately, after realising  a bigger brain might alter his appearance and his balance too. Anyways, with a single-minded devotion, the Mouse completed the tough task. The report was very succinct. No public good will be served by your intervention. Promise of gratitude has not found a place in the utopian manifesto and hence the appeals do not have any binding value!"

Ganesha was not happy with the delay running into many extensions. In no mood to soft pedal and mince words, he breathed fire and said, "It is my mistake to outsource the matter of appeals in your hands. There was more than sufficient time yet, you could come up with the report only after a new cabinet has completed 108, sorry, 100 days in office."

The Mouse allowed the outburst to run its course and then said," Instead of a report, I have presented a doctoral thesis. My analysis and conclusions will have lasting value and is applicable to any election anywhere in the world. With great care, I have left a backdoor entry, for you Mylord, to absolutely deny every appeal addressed to you." 

He, then explained the complexity of the task and added," My brain has a meagre 70 million neurons, the human brain has 85 to 86 billion and Master, who knows how many neurons your brain contains? Why did you saddle me with such a heavy burden?"

Afterwards, the Master and Mouse were sharing a light-hearted moment. Ganesha, oozing compassion said, with a smile, " Did you not keenly observe the election scene and notice how hare-brained schemes propelled people to power. In comparison, your rat-brain did better than the best. Don't I know your capacity?” The Mouse had no answer for this and hurried to find out the neurons in a hare’s brain.