The science and art of being a grandmother:

ChintaMany did not expect such a subtle backlash from his friends. The chorus puzzled him. He decided the best course of action would be reasoning it out with a follow up article on the indomitable grandmothers. He thought, is there any other better option to negotiate for peace on more than one front! 

Why this intense lobbying? Is there a hidden agenda behind this move to trap me or to show themselves in favourable light at home? Normally, cautious in their response, after reading a draft, how come they are almost up in arms? 

The best course that came to his mind was to attempt a sequel to the story ‘The art of being a grandfather’ with an account , “The science and art of being a grandmother”. This course had some difficult stretches to travel. He had to prove that he has it in him, as a writer to go ahead. Without postponing it for another time, ChintaMany got to work on the story on the grandmother. 

Why did a grandmother not appear in the episode of the grandfather? He had his own reasons. 

“An autography is better than a biography. The grandma, as the source has invested in those experiences and the writing will not be structured well to capture the emotional bonding. Me as a biographer could imbibe and might structure it to appeal to readers. So, I thought better to leave it to a grandmother to write. 

The experience and skill, she brings into the grandchild-grandmother relationship is oceanic in dimensions. I would express my dilemma, with this saying that goes like this " You cannot fathom the depth by standing on the shores of an ocean." Got my point on the reluctance to include the grandmother in that episode! 

Personal experience in dealing with children through all the teething troubles ranks better than the acquired skills of a grandfather managing to run the show till it reaches a climax. A very valuable reason to play the limited assigned role. 

Intuitive wisdom gets better traction than extracted wisdom. By nature, a grandmother is endowed to be intuitive. When lacking it, I thought it prudent to give it a wide berth, I meant the wisdom part! 

Extra sensory perception or paranormal messaging or whatever other name you call it by, a look is more than a M R I, C T, E C G, E E G or any other future gadget for the grandmother, to give a master health check up to the grandchildren, free of cost. A grandmother can write a home remedy prescriptions or line up a specialist to follow through with her diagnosis.  These faculties the grandfather lacks and can only add to the tension by asking or suggesting irrelevant questions or ideas. Now are we getting some more doubts cleared as to why, I did not include grandmother the in that write up! 

Many grandfathers do not venture even to cook a pot of rice. Reason is a dozen sequential steps are involved. -  like taking a measure of rice, wash, add needed water, soak, close the lid, light the stove, take out the cooker after switching of the gas. The gasket and relief weight are not mentioned. A majority of GF will miss the gasket it the weight or after doing all the things in the right order (not in right measure), the cooked rice would be a solid mass or in the form of a porridge. 

He gets ready with a failure analysis chart blaming the quantity of rice taken or the quantity of water added or both. For missing out on the precise instructions, the gasket or the weight will become the standby villains with a “Oh! I forgot”. Not only the rice gets cooked. Now you know why a grandmother in the kitchen is preferred by the grandchildren? I had deliberately glossed over this clumsiness in a grandfather, in a lighter vein, to avoid this trump card finding its way  in to the hands of his detractors. 

The most difficult part was getting the mood of the grandchildren and the grandmother to cooperate in my attempt. To be on the safer side, I positioned some caveats, before writing the first sentence to start the story of a grandmother.  The next step is to visualise, how the grandchildren would have enjoyed their relationship with the grandmother. 

Instead of the twisters the grandfather faced, what else they would conjure up for use now? How would the grandmother handle them?

Instead of Physics, chemistry and mathematics, what sort of problems they would bring to corner her? How would she cope up with the wise cracks made? 

For all of above questions, I could only imagine something like this would have transpired. Now that you have got the write up, enjoy it. Friends, remember that you people brought the pressure on   me to respond! 

The grandmother often admonishes them with 'unless you try how would you succeed?'

Unable to come up with a witty or sarcastic answer on the spot, the grandchildren remained quiet. One time, too many, they decided not to let it go, without a counter. 

One day, they tried it. Grandmother, you steam idlies but not the dosas, why?

In a matter of fact tone she replied, that is the only process or procedure.

The grandchildren exclaimed, "Oh! Grandmother, unless you try it on the dosa, how could you decide this is the only process or procedure!" 

The grandmother always used to remind them, "Don't walk inside the house, wearing school shoes."

The pranksters innocently asked "Can we carry them and come inside the house?"

Annoyed the grandmother snapped, "why would you want to do that?"

"To prove that we did not walk inside the house, with shoes on!" 

On a fine day, the grandchildren took their grandmother to a restaurant and a sked, " would like  to have a silent dish or sound bites?"

The grandmother got floored with choices to choose from. She sat contemplating.

One of the grandchildren quipped, "Ok, I will order one of each."

She sat in suspense and worried what in the name of the menu she will be forced to eat.

When steamed idlies sat in a plate, and a folded paper roast (dosa) came to her, she understood, the hoodwinking.

Not giving her a chance, one kid apologetically murmured, “The restaurant has no printing press!" 

Another time, colloquially they asked her “What is cooking?"

She replied, " It is a combination of various ingredients like carbos, proteins, starches, sugar, mixtures and compounds, oils and colouring, anti-bacterial and anti-ageing agents, operations such as washing, soaking, cutting, boiling or steaming, frying, mixing, grinding, casting, extrusion, acid -base reactions, and much more like fermentation, extraction, decantation, filtration, wetting and spreading. Then she calmly asked, you want to know some physics involved in cooking?" 

They meant to ask what they will get to eat. Instead, they got an earful of grandmother 's wisdom. She had her chance and utilised it to prove that she too can play their game. The out-smarted children, bolted out of the kitchen, literally with their tails tucked in and tongues held in cheek! 

This debacle called for an emergency meeting. Views, counter views and comments, for and against were freely exchanged. Before coming to a conclusion, they considered these points for voting:

It is difficult to put up with a grandmother - a closed-circuit echo whereas the grandfather is only an echo!

GF is a subject wise torture and grandmother s is universal. 

They wondered with what strategy the grandfather, his son and daughter have managed themselves so far?

Their consensus vote – the grandfather is a soft target. Grandmother is a martinet, in comparison.  

After reading the draft on the grandfather, they wanted to know why I did not include the grandmother? The grandfather version nearly complete, I did not want to distract the focus away from that topic. I found a way to bring in the role of a. grandmother.” 

This account is the answer to my friends. Now, my friends will understand why I was reluctant to include a grandmother in the earlier narrative. She would have simply overshadowed the 'achievements' of a grandfather, who rarely gets an opportunity. She reciting chemicals and industrial processes to a colloquially framed, simple question, “what is cooking?". And taken together with the grandfather’s cameo-tragic attempt to cook rice, would have stolen the thunder from under him.

Friends, give me feedback whether my fear, that this account would eclipse the shine out of the poor grandfather. Hope, the grandfathers, as a lot, don’t feel let down. 

Satisfied with the way the narration has come out, ChintaMany, let out a long sigh and cracked his knuckles. His pet puppy sleeping happily on the warm rug woke up with a start and looked at him as if to question,” all for this?”