Trade, trade wars and sanctions -311-

The judge was impatient to start the proceedings, posthaste. His departure from the usual rambling summing up if the case indicated it. Instead began with a short, throat clearing opening, “The question that this PLI poses is, whether the nation taught this to its citizens or learnt it from them?"  Counsellors, if you have any other briefs or motions, I will recess to give you time to flash it to me by electronic mail. Otherwise, I am all ears. Proceed." 

The first chair replied, “None your honour. Tariff and sanctions. When all else fails, a nation takes these tools from the pages of commerce and brings it into fiscal ledger for three purposes. One to indirectly tax its own people to collect extra money. Two, to unwittingly expose its weakness in industrial production of those very products, slapped with tariff. Three, to destabilise the other challenging economies and heap hardships on their population, to replicate its own home-grown quagmire of a mess.” 

The second chair hissed, “Bring it on and sting him like an enraged honeybee.” Judge thanked the hidden mike for the clarity and leaned forward so as not miss the pot of honey the bees might offer. The pro bono lawyer by surprise to note the uncharacteristic act of the judge taking notes. He did not know it was to use the bees to sting his nephew. 

The first chair signalled for the nephew to continue. Picking up the threads, the second chair argued, “The tariff and sanctions are an act of desperate mind, wearing a blinker, that wants to be an overnight Midas. This mind, loathes to study the cause-and-effect theorem." 

The judge had never heard of the cause-and-effect theorem in legal proceedings. What is the case law he is referring to with blinkers?  Almost, he was about raise an objection but remembered it in time, that judges don't go raising objections.  

"The population which did not want to strain and bend their backs but eager to embrace a life of luxury, charged hourly wages and availed “pay-even-after-death" type mortgages and loans. Defaults and foreclosures be damned."  

When the second chair ended his points the go to pro bono counsel rose to add to the argument. He pointed out, "As a diversion from their perennial woes, they queue up to see the film "Utopian greatness".  Written, directed and produced by the dream merchant, who never missed to create a chance to rake in profits from the worldwide distribution of miseries."

The judge wanted to ask when the film was released and who was the dream merchant but took it under his own advisement and kept quiet. 

To make sure the second chair again whispered, " Now bring in the honeybees." 

The go to pro bono lawyer took the cue and posed a rhetorical question, "When you stir a beehive, will they pack and leave without a murmur?" 

The judge getting the drift, wanted to upset the rhythm and ambush them by surprise. He said, “I have a few ideas on what would happen. If the bees are intelligent, they would react in unexpected ways. Am I correct? Anyhow, let us hear your argument and make it judgement worthy! 

The duo, who had spent hours hunting for an information format to use this gem of a question as part of their argument, were taken by surprise.  They had tossed, volleyed and smashed their ideas around (both had played a bit of tennis and shuttle during college days) and it all came down to deuce. How come, the judge had almost guessed their plan? The go to pro bono counsellor shook his head in disbelief. The nephew, sitting as second chair sat mystified by the judge's psychic powers. 

Their plan of taking a leaf out of the learned judge to ask for recess fell flat on their faces.  Unfazed by the turn of events, they soldiered on, using the phrase ‘if the bees are intelligent...’  spoken by the judge to advance their arguments. 

“Plan A- Build everything anew, elsewhere. Plan B - Sting to show the anger and then build everything elsewhere. Plan C- Conduct a raid. Gather a swarm of honeybees, descend and administer a million stings and drive away the offender. Then rebuild at the same place. 

The end result is the cause-and-effect theorem, the nation and its citizens are trapped in deep debts. Knowing not what to do or running out of creditors, the nation tries to make some money out of the pockets of its own citizens. 

For the other nations getting affected, the C & E theorem needs a corollary, to teach them also a lesson. The cause of over dependence and blind belief on getting fair deals brought them the effect of storms of uncertainty in Trade, Commerce and Economy. Trade winds are gone but the doldrums manifest now and then. 

Now a days the express ion “all is fair in war and love" is not true anymore. Then how can you all be so naive and still be leading your country? Instead of looking straight, if you had spent some time in looking sideways you would have benefitted from a wider perspective than from the narrower outlook. Get closer, do your own deals respecting each other’s priorities and mutual progress. This is the corollary that should teach these nations the needed lessons.” 

The duo congratulated themselves for the tight script they had presented.  The second chair held back from making another aside, which might find a mysterious path to get the comment and the script into the judgement. The learned judge reading his mind ‘verbatim’ left him perplexed and unnerved. 

The judge was already planning the text of his judgement. When this bug bites him, he had to hurry back to whittle some wood, in solitude. He abruptly announced, “court will be in recess till …” He paused deliberately here to hear what pearls of wisdom will come out of his nephew’s mouth. He was not disappointed and his murmured “oh, yet another Friday on the way” 

The judge cooly said, “Yes, that it will!” and watched the egg on the face of his nephew. He would love to watch the clutch of eggs smashing on his nephew’s face. The judge hurried out – he has wood to whittle and a judgement to write. The judge was all pity f or the pro bono counsellor who was still unaware of the hidden mike. It would be a huge surprise for him when it gets exposed.

Predictably on the next Friday, the judge was ready to deliver his judgement “In the matter of Tariff, tariff wars and sanctions.” The judge paused here and favoured his nephew an all-knowing smile, before proceeding with his pronouncement.

“The pointed question raised by the learned counsellors “, what the honeybees will do? is going to be the pivot or hook on which the judgement will be hung. The plans A to C will be the framework for that picture. In a nutshell, as the bees have made up their minds to retaliate, the rest of the nations need to perfect this as a counter strategy. The other nations have to emulate and learn the survival instinct, resolutely demonstrated by the honeybees.

They have shown the determination not to budge but to rebuild at the same spot. Likewise, the affected nations and its population should rise and take the fight to where it all started. Nature had given the freedom and resources for the honeybees to survive, thrive and yield honey in a selfless manner and the same should be the goal for humanity also. 

This court condemns, though rather it would like to sting, the act of people and the nation bent upon wreaking havoc on themselves and others and as a therapeutic measure, it is strongly recommended that they visit apiaries, if possible, in the affected nations, and rethink. Till then, the court strongly urge the affected nations to follow the bees and concentrate on rebuilding. 

A bully stops in his tracks if you stop, stare, and indicate haymakers are ready to strike him. Every nation has a right to safeguard and work for its citizens. Thinking that your nation is unique and your ways are rule of law, then be ready for the truth. You and your nation is no match to the combined will of other nations. 

Here, the learned counsellors suggested a solution- to look sideways instead of sticking to the false and mis -leading narrow vision, remembering "all deals will not be fair in trade and commerce.  

This court almost had decided to appoint an 'amicus curiae', but after reviewing, the arguments presented by these learned counsellors, there was no such need. I personally join this court to record appreciation for the counsellors and thank them for agreeing to work pro bono.  Some interesting arguments they have made by the fightback of the honeybees and the Cause & Effect theorem and its corollary in a coordinated manner. Well done counsellors, court is adjourned. 

A walk for the dog: -310-

 Anyone, who ventures out for a walk in the morning cannot miss this spectacle. A pet dog doing its rounds, in the company of its master or mistress. The dog needs the walk to address its nature's call. The handler takes it out, not necessarily to get some exercise, but to avoid cleaning up the dog’s mess inside the house. ChintaMany had a doubt, as he has no pets in his house, do dogs need an exercise to start their bowel movement? 

The pet, a rare breed or prized possession, comes out suitably dressed, In tune with the season. A leather harness to rein it in and a truncated conical contraption to keep its nose, tongue and mouth in check. Whatever the breed, a dog cannot resist its temptation to sniff, lick and ingest the offerings in the street.  A funny sight for the passerby and an irritant for the pet dog! 

In matching attire, the handler comes out, prepared with a baton. This baton serves two purposes - to ward of other dogs showing a keen interest in the pet dog on leash or as a protective gear for the handler to ward of aggressive interest focused on him or her by similarly leashed dogs or the born-to-roam-free street dogs. Sometimes, the passerby gets to be greeted by other regular walkers carrying sticks of different lengths for their own personal protection from the leashed and unleashed dogs. ChintaMany always got the feeling of watching a drama within a drama and it never failed to entertain him! 

He added the following doubts to the earlier ones, about bowel movement of pet dogs. Why the leashed pet dogs behave in an unfriendly manner towards each other? Is it due to different psychological perceptions operating in different breeds of pet dogs?  Or is it due to some unsettled internecine dispute being carried forward in their D NA? What makes the street dogs to gang up in strength, to display their aggression? Are they trying to protect their turf from the uninvited pet dogs, who lead comfortable lives as opposed to their homeless existence? Or, these street dogs operate on their own set of rules in dealing with pet dogs? He hoped to get the answers for all his doubts by himself or in consultation with experts or from the pet dogs and street dogs themselves. He liked the last portion of his hope, as it would give voice to the canine breeds! 

To clear some points of a different nature all by himself, he decided to guess what it they could be.  What the pet dog in harness would be thinking during its walks? The sights, people and vehicles will not interesting for it anymore, except for being a constant fixture on the scene, The dog might take them for granted. Returning from the morning walk, the pet dog goes to its allotted corner and may decide to think about its life in a high-rise apartment 

“I yearn for the freedom to be free from the harness and the home stay, sometimes in leashes restricting movement. I can live without the shouted commands and controls over my actions. I have no choice to decide what food to eat, or about the compulsory visits to a doctor and a hairstylist to get a shampoo bath. But occasionally, I enjoy the pleasure trip by a car or two-wheeler. What is the use? The thrill of chasing a vehicle or marking territory on the wheels of an automobile, is beyond my leash and collar life. These are all the sore points in my dog’s life. 

Pangs of envy overwhelm me, whenever I think of that street dog enjoying the pleasure of freedom, though it greeted and scared me with its ferocious barking. Within seconds, he or she could gather a dozen friends to join for a team effort, whereas I am not permitted to freely socialise on that scale. Meet and greet are strictly on chaperoned basis. After doing all these, the street dog could roam free, eat whatever food it likes and sleep wherever and whenever it wants. It can perform its constitutional duties, anywhere and at any time! If only I could exchange place with ....” 

From a classic to the ordinary, ChintaMany came down to pry open the secrets of a street dog. What a street dog would be thinking about its life in general and about the perks a pet dog would enjoy, as an entitlement in particular? 

He was on solid ground here as he had witnessed many street dogs in different localities and under circumstances. He could easily provide an overview at the drop of anyone’s hat, because he doesn’t wear one. After belting out the ear-splitting barks, at the passing by pet dog, the street dog scampered to the nearest fueling station, a fast-food joint, expecting a morsel or two for breakfast. On that day, it waited for a long time to get something to eat. After the breakfast, it gives a short chase to a passing two-wheeler and then breaks   off to a shady place for a well-earned rest and to think about its life 

“I am a veteran of many dog fights - wounded, licked and still proudly bearing the scars. I can only imagine the comforts a pet dog might be enjoying at this very moment. On reflection, my life is a constant struggle with environment, people and other street dogs fighting for the same spoils - food and shelter 

Life in a high-rise apartment would not hurt my paws. How I would look wearing nice clothes, the leather collar and harness! Instead of chasing 4-wheelers and 2-wheelers, I will be riding in one of them. This dream often flashes by my rheumy eyes. Of late I am having difficulty in sighting things clearly. Will I ever get the chance to swap places with that pet dog, for at least one day?” 

From the perspective of the handler, what this dog walk means? Here, ChintaMany was on the same road as the dogs -in-leashes, he could easily guess whatever goes in the mind of the handlers. 

“It is a walk for the pet but a comic side show for the others engaged in similar routine, with or without a pet dog. Sometimes, why my pet dog is leading or dragging me and at times why I have to lead or drag it after me? What it irritates me is its uncanny ability to choose the terrain - a downward or upward slope with a wanton inclination, to force me to fight for traction and balance. Once in a while, I have to haul its rumps off from the ground, where it had chosen to do a sit in strike. It could have done these things (except nature’s calls) at home to spare me the trouble?” 

After his walk, ChintaMany eased himself in to a comfortable chair. He listed the key take aways from the walk for a dog: 

The handler’s physical constitution (strength) hating the pet's constitutional walks. 

Handlers hate their pet dogs (for the walk).

Pet dogs hate their handlers (for mishandling them).

Pet dogs and street dogs don’t like each other (status-based issues).

Pet dog would like to be a street dog (A Midsummer’s dream)

A street dog would like to enjoy the life of a pet dog (Alice in wonderland).

The "Rights get it wrong": -309-

The judge was in no mood to relent and forced them to take up the second case - Activists not protesting on behalf of insects. He was pleased on three counts. One the previous case had ended well. Two, the hidden mike had given excellent performance. Three, his choice of pro bono, his go to lawyer and his nephew have bonded well and maybe, he could foist many more pro bono works on them! 

Overnight, after researching on stray dogs, winged friends and insects, the pro bono lawyers could not find clues that might offer them an insight. In the end, they decided to wing it in the court, during arguments. They knew there would be winged insects too! 

Unusually, the judge entered the court along with the counsellors, as if to make sure of their attendance. After seating himself, he started the proceedings for the day. “There are activists holding briefs or placards for stray dogs and winged friends. The question that this PLI raises, is why no such hue and cry on behalf of insects!  The judge paused, to take a breath and not for dramatic effect, after summarising the issue. But asked this - Are the "Rights" wrong?", as punch line. 

The second chair whispered, " Oh no, not again." 

"Your honour, our briefs have outlined the genesis and remedy in respect of the stray dogs and pigeons. In the case of the insects, we stumbled upon a feeble attempt made by an entomologist to show them in good light." 

"What light? Then why this apathy?" 

"That was before pathologists came on the scene with microscopic slides to scare everyone with vector and scalar borne diseases and laid the blame at the feet and injectors of insects, nature had provided them with. Purely a survival tool for them, your honour." 

Your honour was having a tough time to unravel the meaning of vector and scalar (vaguely remembered the terms used in physics and was wondering how physics managed to creep into physiology or is it pathology?). 

He almost shouted "Counsellor come to the point. While there, care to explain what vector and scalar are doing there?" 

The second chair murmured, "Poor man, drones don't sound like helicopters." After blurting it out he realised he had blooped. The judge did not miss it and patted himself for planting the mike. 

“Vector means direction and magnitude and also refers to an insect that can transmit disease causing pathogens.” 

Still not clear, the judge asked, " Direction of insect’s flight I can understand but what magnitude they have?

"In numbers, your honour."

"Then why need a scalar?"

"To refer only to the quantity(magnitude).” 

This again left the judge teetering on the edge of total confusion, if at all anything like that existed. Veteran of many battles with confusion, he quickly admonished the lawyers to get going. 

The duo was very happy, as the proceedings was going as planned by them. They were really winging it now! 

As a clincher to their argument, they had already decided to strike at the base human instinct - emotion. Though the dictionary went a little farther by adding a 'complex' factor, but for argument’s sake, they felt their understanding offered good wings to hang on. 

The duo alternated in presenting their arguments. “The stray dogs and winged friends have activists who like to play emotional chess. The moves they make are aimed at disarming the emotional guard and strike at the heart to evoke sympathy, for the ostracised stray dogs and avians like pigeons. Win or lose, the activists fold up the boards and go home, letting the human kindness to do the rest.  

The case of insects does not appeal to activists, as media glare, under light, will only draw moths. Activists being not sure of moth's vector and scalar characteristics as disease carriers, give the insect species, in toto, a wide berth. It is easy to deal with <400 dog species and <18000 bird species and not so with a mind boggling   5 to 10 million species of insects. Controlling just four of them viz mosquitoes, roaches bedbugs and certain types of termites (wood borers) is a stalled battle still raging on!” 

The judge valiantly attempted to stifle a mighty yawn. The second chair whispered into the ears of the first chair, “when we do, it is contempt of court, when he does it? The judge cannot be court-martialed but can he not be marshalled out of the court?" The judge heard this comment and reserved it for use in the judgement.  

Feeling a bit under the weather, he coughed and sneezed (effect of smoke and dust inhaled during the last case on “The firecrackers versus bombs - anomaly & double standards”, the judge adjourned the proceedings till next Friday. 

The second chair wondered a little louder, " Is he becoming a judge Friday by aping Daniel Defoe’s Man Friday!?” After hearing this comment, the judge hurried in search of a reference to Daniel Defoe, wondering where and which volume of legal publication this Friday will be hiding? 

Without any fanfare the next Friday arrived. The judge swept into the court as he had digested a little about vector and scalar from an old Physics book, though it confused him how physics managed to enter and settle down into pathology! 

The judge started his pronouncement- 

“The clever arguments, borrowing terms from physics to physiology via pathology, comparing drone and a helicopter with respect to the sound they make, not again to emphasise that in the numbers lie the scalar quantity, and finally the act of a Man Friday and not of a judge Friday is required to ignite the minds about the need for fighting against the injustice to the species of insects.....” 

The judge droned on and on, uninterrupted even though the second chair was shocked to hear the exact words from his asides to the first chair as part of the judgement. In the meanwhile, the first chair could not contain his admiration for the judge, as he had admirably learnt to “wing it” with unflappable aplomb. The least he could do, without breaking decorum, was to send appreciative glances. That he did. The judge kept wondering, why his go to pro bono lawyer was smiling like a whimsical monkey? 

The learned counsellors wanted to withhold certain arguments, by way of a motion in limine, a motion to   suppress.  The court appreciates their reasoning as they did not want to alienate the activists. But for the sake completing the picture, the court after denying their motion, has this to say. 

I quote: “We lament that not even one activist has adopted a stary dog as his or her pet dog but expect the society to deal with it. Our question is to which society he or she belongs? Our lament continues, now  with save the pigeon activists, why don’t you offer ways to mitigate the health-related issues before coming in support of pigeons? 

In both cases, population control is suggested, yet another active group comes in to defend their right to have progenies.” Quote ends. 

Before banging his gavel, the judge concluded: "As only 4 insects in 10 million are affected, the species of insects should be happy in not being subjected to media glare, which could turn out to be injurious to their health. This court feels that these issues need to be handled in such a way that neither the four insects mentioned are targeted or the remaining species are let off, without studying the possibility of  a few from that lot might also join the currently targeted mosquitoes, roaches, bedbugs and termites (wood borers). 

The judge paused and said, “Don’t say no, no not again.  What you two wanted me, to say is it not.” The court is adjourned till hearing the next case, that would be on the next Thursday. As usual, argue the case as you did here- informally and as you too please within limits of legal boundaries."

The stunned second chair sat like a statue wondering. ' How come the judge is able to hear and read my mindful!'. Even winging it on imaginative words-play, had sapped their energy and they hurried  to the nearby cafeteria.

Politics and the wheel of fortune: -308-

Computers and politics have a common utility - the recycle bin. Files can be deleted, restored or removed permanently. In politics netas can be ignored, sidelined, expelled, reinstated or prematurely retired as a spent force. Both the systems follow a four-step procedure. Dump, store, revive or forget! 

Let me dive into this wonderful bin and have a face-to face with the contents – thought the indomitable InJourn, while gathering his paraphernalia of recorders, wet-wipes (handy when the interviewed sheds crocodile tears) and of course a thermos of hot water extract of ginger-pepper combo (relief to sore or choked throat, when the voice of the interviewed becomes hoarse). His professional motto – ‘No harm in being prepared’ has in fact been of immense help, while the stars from the tinsel world sat in front of him. 

The first politician had a model jet plane in his hand as he faced InJourn. Without waiting for the interview to start, he began to spill a bucket of jetsam and moaned, “What all I did was to buy a low-end jet plane, see what the party had done to me?” 

Always coming prepared, InJourn opened his laptop and quoted, “The party stood on the plank of lift the down trodden and your low-end aircraft flew right through the plank breaking the invisible barrier.” 

Not to be silenced so easily, the politician murmured, “It was on the suggestion of my political advisor, who thought it would be easy for me to hop from one constituency to the other, till a constituency for me was finalised. He insisted that it would also keep the party on tenterhooks and decide a constituency in favour of me. Have I done anything wrong to be dumped like this?” 

InJourn allowed sufficient time for the jet-in-hand politician, to crash land his anger on the model jet, political advisor and the party, not necessarily in that order. Then, moved over the next encounter, after carefully erasing this interview. The thermos remained full and wet-wipes unused because the politico nether shed tears nor suffered a sore throat. 

InJourn hastily reviewed his notes on this character. This politico, clutching a bunch of old newspapers, sat and faced the recorder. He silently opened to the page were below a bold heading and above a two column write up his photo appeared.  The column started with “When a regiment of seniors marched in protest against the economic wing’s investigation of financial irregularities of high command coteries, where were You?

When contacted by the paper before publishing it, the politico pointed out, “How I could have, while in custodial interrogation for money laundering and ironing?”

Inserting this comment, the column continued, “That was a golden chance you missed to show your loyalty. You should have escaped and participated in the protest march, come whatever may.”

The politico justified his action and grumbled to InJourn, “This paper belongs to one of the members of the coterie. More or less, it is a paid news.  You tell me, how can the party do it to me, not considering the likely penitentiary circumstances, I was facing?”

InJourn left with the full thermos, wipes and erased the interview, dismissing it as a Tom Sawyerish attempt. He hoped for better luck with the next interview, to make it worth the while and approached the next candidate.

The seasoned politico, eyed the flask and asked, “What you have?” InJourn concluded, “a sham of a person”

To keep his professional decorum intact, he politely asked, “How come you are here?”

After taking a sip of hot water, the politico spoke, “After being with the party for 5 decades, I merely asked for a cabinet berth, with or without real powers.” After taking another sip of hot water and the ginger-pepper combo doing wonders, he continued, “That was all I did, and instead of rewarding me the party appointed me (hurt ego glorifying expulsion) to this powerless and useless post!” 

But InJourn knew the whole story. The politico had failed to understand two things. One, the high command, irrespective of the colour of the flag, would always have a prodigy in- waiting, with the claim to fill the vacancy.  Two, the party always exercised the best option to create that vacancy - by dumping the seasoned politician turned dissident, in the recycle bin, even if he is an asthmatic patient. Expelling a dissident appears like a diplomatic move, reads better in print, in comparison to outright denial of a legitimate request.

The politico, as if to prove his asthmatic condition, wheezed and asked for some more hot water. The asthmatic attack of the politico changed InJourn’s first impression - “a sham of a person”, when he asked about the content in the thermos changed to “really a suffering person.”  InJourn felt pity for the recycled neta and his wasted waiting years, all for a post with or without power.  Sensing the depleting water level in the thermos, he decided to move on. He remained undecided about erasing the recorded interview. Maybe, it could be used in a story, he has been planning on human rights violation.  Of course he has to stetch it a bit.

As he moved along, InJourn came face to face with a politician-turned political advisor. The moment he saw the face, InJourn understood at last, his pack of wipes has to be opened. The advisor did not disappoint as the interview proceeded, the wipes from the box kept disappearing.

The Po-turned-PA started, “I was the one, who advised to buy that low-end jet plane. To settle some old pending scores, the party expelled me also on the same day”

InJourn interjected, “There might have been something more serious than the jet plane and old scores. Anything else from the multiple decades long political innings of yours?”

“Yes. I once raised the issue of not getting a promotion with the question, “How long I would continue at the grass root level?”

InJourn added after verifying his notes, “Exactly, that was a little more serious problem. You wanted to grow into a tree, whereas the high command wanted you to remain just above the soil. Do you have some more like this in store?” 

The politico replied, “Yes. Having spent decades as a politician and political advisor, I, in a fit of frustration, gave an interview to a friendly reporter. In my long winding talk, I had listed the half-baked ideas, that ended in huge financial losses. I did not mention the backing of the party or allude to the party for the financial misadventure. The reporter, reading between lines, splashed a ‘scoop’ by blaming the involvement of the high command and pegging the financial losses in astronomical figures, quoting a highly placed ‘source’. 

The party did not waste time, in searching for a Sherlock Holmes and Watson to team up and get to the source of the leak. The reporter’s superb presentation did it for free. Even today I wonder how they came to know about this confidential interview!” 

InJourn to wrap up the interview said, “For a political advisor, you are not savvy enough to understand the politics in high places. You and your friendly reports did not know that a distant relative of one of the coterie members, is an employee in the publishing house” Before taking leave, he left a few wet wipes and the thermos with the Po-turned-Pa. His dilemma was whether to save or erase the record. Maybe, his friend who was planning a series of expose on the inner workings of high command of political parties might be interested. 

As he was about to exit, a commanding voice stopped him. The owner of the voice came striding forward and asked " You don't want my interview?" 

Totally unprepared, with no wipes and a thermos on person, he hesitated. Sensing the predicament, the accoster (who had been watching the whole time) assured," I have wipes and a full thermos to share!" 

InJourn did not know whether to cry or laugh, at the turn of events. Taking the best option available, he switched "On" the recorder.

The accoster started. ," I was making a name as a historian- I mean that I used to trace the evolution of an organisation, mostly of the charitable kind. The party noticed it and drafted me, to study and write an account on it. An expense account with 'carte blanche' stamp landed on my laps." 

"Then why you are in this state?" 

"I mentioned about the expense account is it not? The party pressed me to park some slush funds. I refused. Then the party asked me to visit overseas coordinators. I went and saw how they all lived in style and yapped about our present government and accusing it for pushing everyone below poverty line, conveniently using anti-national views held by biased print media." 

“Then what did you do?” 

“What you would have done. Threatened to expose the sham politics, the party with dubious history for this sort of activities, is indulging in." 

"Then what happened?"

"The carte blanche expense account was declared a forgery, and I had illegally used the party treasurer's signatures in the account opening form." 

"How you got thrown down here, since you are not a party member?" 

"It is all my mistake. My passion for history, in turn has turned me into a history. This is my self-imposed exile, to be with and counsel these expelled, castigated inhabitants." 

As abruptly as he appeared, the accoster left the scene. InJourn had another worthy interview on record. His mind started searching for a journo-friend who could do a political justice to it. 

The case of Firecrackers Vs Bombs

 Part 1: 

The suo motu judge was becoming restive not because he could not find one but had to choose one. He has heard of problem of plenty, but coming face-to-paper with such a situation, had him in a fix. He tried to call his trusted pro bono lawyer and the calls ended in some AI voice advising him to try later. Tried he did, but the same AI voice, bereft of emotion or understanding repeated the same advice. He decided to go over and corner the lawyer, only to come face to face with locked doors. 

Fretting and fuming, he knocked at the locked doors. A gardener, working in the adjacent property later claimed to have witnessed steam pouring out of the person's ears! Lucky, the gardener did not know that he was dealing with a judge and this claim did not reach the judge's ears! If only the judge has heard about the steaming ears, he would have gladly filed a PLI in his mind and ruled on it verbally, post-haste. This saved him from a definite contempt of court ruling, and end up doing lawn mowing works in the prison yard. 

The pro bono lawyer had gone off to a hill station, for a much-needed vacation. In reality, he wanted an excuse to escape from the jurisdiction of this judge. The last case, was a nut-cracker, involving Gajakarn and his invisible companion. During the proceedings, the companion almost got thrown into jail, for contempt of court. The judge had injected his nephew as another lawyer, to compound the issues. Needless to say, the whole mess ended in a legal muddle leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. 

The bitter taste was, of course his own making. He had to frequently wet his finger on the tongue, to turn over the pages of his legal briefs, which mysteriously got stuck without glue. Noticing this, the judge refused to receive the briefs and promptly ruled them as tainted and unhygienic. At this point of time, the advocate had become sore in addition to having a bitter taste. 

Unable to locate the lawyer, the judge sat looking at the pile in front of him - Brokered peace deals with multiple broken ceasefires, Trade wars to fund and service debts, the anomalous case of Crackers causing pollution vs tons of Bombs getting a free pass, why Insect rights are not treated on par with Animal and Avian rights, and Engineered accidents vs Suicides. Interesting dockets but depressing to deal with them all alone. 

The judge's dilemma was if he chose one from the heavy weight category, the other categories will raise a hue and cry of bias. If he chose rights, the heavies will land bombardments on him, using expletive and explosives hurlers. 

Precisely to navigate this mine-filled suo motu field, he urgently needed his pro bono lawyer. He mused, "Maybe the lawyer had gone incommunicado fearing such an assignment. Unless he tells me, how would I know!” On this note, the judge, half-heartedly called it a day. He has made up his mind on one thing - henceforth the counsel shall submit briefs and motions only through electronic mail. No more thumbing of papers, with saliva-wet finger or fingers, as the case may be. 

He was surprised, when the pro bono lawyer, in tow with his nephew, walked in to the chamber. He hurriedly hid his woodworking tools and swept off the shavings, into a waste basket. For pretend sake, the lawyers feigned ,as if they had seen that act. The pro bono lawyer addressed the judge, "With your permission, he will be my second chair." The judge almost bolted out of his chair, but on second thoughts slowly moved his head. 

This left the lawyer in doubt as to whether the judge had accepted or denied his request. This doubt got cleared, when the judge off loaded number of files to indicate, it would be business as usual. The judge wanted the pollution anomaly case to be taken up first. He added, “Beginning on next Thursday, we can wind it up by close of Friday. If needed, the court will sit late hours. Another important thing- from now on use only electronic mailing to submit briefs and motion on any case.” 

On Thursday, the judge peering through his glasses said, " Read your briefs and motions and have posted my rulings on the motions. Since witnesses and defense lawyers will not be present, your arguments can be oral or visual or a summary of your points, as in an informal chat.” 

The second chair whispered to the first chair, " He could have simply said, do as you two please" 

The judge voicing a concern, "I hope, your second chair would rise up to the expectations of this court and the legal fraternity in general."

Again, the second chair whispered, “Why this long-winded and uncharacteristic statement from the judge - is he planning to join politics?”

Little did he know that the judge had hidden a powerful mike, under the table, to catch such snide remarks. The purpose was to monitor the performance of his nephew during the ensuing trials. Pretending not to have heard anything, the judge announced, “After a short recess, we will resume with the arguments.”:

The judge remarked, “This PLI questions the anomaly in applying double standards on crackers related pollution versus tons of munition dumped during conflicts and wars. While once again thanking you lawyers for using electronic mailing of briefs and motions, I want to emphasise that this court does not hold any brief for or against the crackers or munitions. But it has fallen on the shoulders of this bench to decide it one way or the other.” 

The second chair raising to the bait, whispered, “from when on judges are given to making opening statements, that too of a confusing variety?”  This comment too rang loud and clear in the ears of the judge.  He lamented, "why my nephew is not learning to remain silent like the first chair- his go to and pro bono lawyer?"

The lawyers have decided to nail the case with two strategies. One, a practical demonstration with court's permission - essential to their arguments. Two, a video followed by a lecture on ‘theatre warfare and tactics. When they listened to this lecture, they had blissfully fallen asleep. They hoped a similar effect would seal the outcome of the case in their favour. Even the pro bono lawyers have to fight for a win, is it not?

To make sure, they filed a habeas corpus petition for producing the offenders in the court. Though perplexed the judge acceded to the writ, to be on the safer side. But when he queried where were the accused, they smugly replied, "At large, your honuor, but we managed to nab them". 

“Why the delay, produce them and proceed?”

Then, a person dressed in street clothes carrying a medium sized packet was ushered in. Interested and confused, the judge waved a get on with it. 

Proceed they did. The person opened the package, laid what looked like a broad ribbon like thing along the walls of the court room. Becoming impatient, the judge shouted once more "proceed". 

Then pandemonium broke loose. Ear splitting sound reverberated with blinding flashes. Acrid smell and dense cloud enveloped the court room. Simultaneously, the sound effect produced a dust shower which settled on everybody. In utter shock, the judge sat moving his mouth frantically, but no words came out.

The second chair muttered, “Never burst crackers in his life and the sound of crackers has effectively paralysed his voice box.” 

Seizing the opportunity, the pro bono lawyers announced that they are resting this part of the case. Coming out of the dust storm and ringing sound, the judge asked, “Do you have any precedents?" 

"Yes, you honour. A recent court ruling permitted bursting of green crackers in celebrations and the next day, the newspapers reported heavy air pollution." 

The 'your honour' found himself in a faux pas situation. He spent some more time, in dislodging the powder coating from his clothes. Then got the bright idea and announced " taking it under advisement and court is adjourned for the day." 

He did not leave before directing a glance that would have frozen the Indian Ocean in its entirety. The man in street clothes stayed rooted not knowing what has happened and wondered which of the lawyer is going to pay him for the expenses. 

Part 2: 

The lawyers met at night and reviewed their preparation for the next part of the case - the munition dump. The second chair came out with an interesting piece of information about space getting crowded and polluted by debris of upper stage motors and satellites – alive and dead. Many of them raining down like hailstorm. The first chair could not decide where this would fit in, but decided to go on record by way of an email filing. 

Next day as per the previous motion granted by the judge, the lawyers wheeled into the court a video player and an audio system. The court did not have these facilities, as it largely remained off the list of functioning courts. 

“The expert, in the video droned on as experts are prone to, by tracing the history of munitions, the fight against an enemy force or rebels or with hardcore terrorists forcing the defending nations to invent, manufacture and test samples before mass production and use. 

In every step of the way, known and unknown pollutants got generated and stayed with us. This is not an isolated case as mineral extraction, though vital, spews and floods with pollutants. The expert adroitly, tried to turn the table along with guilt on to the listeners by asking, “In a life-threatening situation, do we deny the surgeon his scalpel? In what other way the operation to defend and defeat enemies......” he droned on. 

As expected, the judge cried a halt to the proceedings. The lawyers, who expected the judge to fall asleep to win their arguments were shocked to find him awake so far into the narrative. This raised serious doubts in their minds about the outcome based on the expert's views. One crucial factor they had no way of knowing - the judge had become an insomniac and stays awake all through the day!  

He queried, “Are you going to make the point that in comparison with the copious amount of obnoxious gaseous and liquid products released in rocketry is more dangerous than the crackers and the tons of explosives dumped during a battle?” 

The lawyers sensed victory, since the judge had trapped himself by supplying the essential part of their argument, that too on record!  

“Exactly your honour but with your indulgence we would like to add to your opinion." 

The judge (still not realising the trap he had walked into) snapped, "What is it?” 

“The crackers are a miniscule compared to everyday automobile pollution. The targeted munition is predictable, and the level of pollution is calculable. Whereas the fall of debris of spent rocket parts and dead satellites are unpredictable due to the extent and effect of pollutants remain unavailable to the public. We rest the second part of the case.” 

The judge looked at the wall click. He could not declare a recess – too early for lunch and too soon for dinner. He steepled his fingers and rested his chin and did the impossible, took a short nap. Waking up refreshed, wondering how he fell asleep, he declared, " I will take it under advisement and court is recessed till next Friday.” 

Noting that the mentioned Friday came after a week from now, they packed their equipments and left, thinking what sort of a judgement is going to be pronounced on that day.  

“Pollutants and pollution, from crackers or automobiles or munitions or industrial wastes or rocketry and space debris, is like virus or bacteria in causing diseases. None recognise,  a geographical border. The only distinction is between prepared and the unwary. As with diseases, pollution severely affects the unprepared. These long-winded statements might appear as though I am pleased to make them or practicing for a political speech. Though, I might have avoided the crackers, its sound from close quarters, was enough to effectively paralyse my voice.” 

One after the other the judge had managed to land left and right hooks into the midriff of his nephew, foul or not. The judge had included every snide comment his nephew had whispered. The second chair, to his discomfort found out that there was no more place in the chair to slink to further. 

“After carefully assessing the overall impacts - pathologically and commercially, in manufacturing and usage of fireworks and munitions and at the same time weighing in the sovereignty of nations against enemies, rebels and terrorists, which leads to conflicts demanding use of munitions, and along with the need for mining, processing of minerals and in conjunction with use of rockets to further our understanding of weather, neighbourhood planets and so on. Though this activity results in debris and pollution, this court has come to the following conclusion/recommendation. 

As long as bacteria live, the pollutants and pollution are here to stay. But there is a glimmer of hope – the AI hope. Top of the shelf, great minds working in top drawer laboratories might fuse quantum fields to create the effect of crackers being burst in celebrations and munitions being dropped on required targets, simulating blast effects. They need to come up with affordable domestic version for the fireworks and an industrial version for the munition users. Surely, such an invention would make the Nobel Institute or whoever to declare the awards, in all the categories, to these geniuses! The yeomen, legal work of the two pro bono counsellors is highly appreciated. The court is adjourned” 

The judge disappeared, absent mindedly carrying the gavel. The lawyers could not help but to pity the gavel- it might get whittled away by mistake!