Part 1:
The suo motu judge was becoming restive not because he could not find one but had to choose one. He has heard of problem of plenty, but coming face-to-paper with such a situation, had him in a fix. He tried to call his trusted pro bono lawyer and the calls ended in some AI voice advising him to try later. Tried he did, but the same AI voice, bereft of emotion or understanding repeated the same advice. He decided to go over and corner the lawyer, only to come face to face with locked doors.
Fretting and fuming, he knocked at the locked doors. A gardener, working in the adjacent property later claimed to have witnessed steam pouring out of the person's ears! Lucky, the gardener did not know that he was dealing with a judge and this claim did not reach the judge's ears! If only the judge has heard about the steaming ears, he would have gladly filed a PLI in his mind and ruled on it verbally, post-haste. This saved him from a definite contempt of court ruling, and end up doing lawn mowing works in the prison yard.
The pro bono lawyer had gone off to a hill station, for a much-needed vacation. In reality, he wanted an excuse to escape from the jurisdiction of this judge. The last case, was a nut-cracker, involving Gajakarn and his invisible companion. During the proceedings, the companion almost got thrown into jail, for contempt of court. The judge had injected his nephew as another lawyer, to compound the issues. Needless to say, the whole mess ended in a legal muddle leaving a bitter taste on his tongue.
The bitter taste was, of course his own making. He had to frequently wet his finger on the tongue, to turn over the pages of his legal briefs, which mysteriously got stuck without glue. Noticing this, the judge refused to receive the briefs and promptly ruled them as tainted and unhygienic. At this point of time, the advocate had become sore in addition to having a bitter taste.
Unable to locate the lawyer, the judge sat looking at the pile in front of him - Brokered peace deals with multiple broken ceasefires, Trade wars to fund and service debts, the anomalous case of Crackers causing pollution vs tons of Bombs getting a free pass, why Insect rights are not treated on par with Animal and Avian rights, and Engineered accidents vs Suicides. Interesting dockets but depressing to deal with them all alone.
The judge's dilemma was if he chose one from the heavy weight category, the other categories will raise a hue and cry of bias. If he chose rights, the heavies will land bombardments on him, using expletive and explosives hurlers.
Precisely to navigate this mine-filled suo motu field, he urgently needed his pro bono lawyer. He mused, "Maybe the lawyer had gone incommunicado fearing such an assignment. Unless he tells me, how would I know!” On this note, the judge, half-heartedly called it a day. He has made up his mind on one thing - henceforth the counsel shall submit briefs and motions only through electronic mail. No more thumbing of papers, with saliva-wet finger or fingers, as the case may be.
He was surprised, when the pro bono lawyer, in tow with his nephew, walked in to the chamber. He hurriedly hid his woodworking tools and swept off the shavings, into a waste basket. For pretend sake, the lawyers feigned ,as if they had seen that act. The pro bono lawyer addressed the judge, "With your permission, he will be my second chair." The judge almost bolted out of his chair, but on second thoughts slowly moved his head.
This left the lawyer in doubt as to whether the judge had accepted or denied his request. This doubt got cleared, when the judge off loaded number of files to indicate, it would be business as usual. The judge wanted the pollution anomaly case to be taken up first. He added, “Beginning on next Thursday, we can wind it up by close of Friday. If needed, the court will sit late hours. Another important thing- from now on use only electronic mailing to submit briefs and motion on any case.”
On Thursday, the judge peering through his glasses said, " Read your briefs and motions and have posted my rulings on the motions. Since witnesses and defense lawyers will not be present, your arguments can be oral or visual or a summary of your points, as in an informal chat.”
The second chair whispered to the first chair, " He could have simply said, do as you two please"
The judge voicing a concern, "I hope, your second chair would rise
up to the expectations of this court and the legal fraternity in general."
Again, the second chair whispered, “Why this long-winded and
uncharacteristic statement from the judge - is he planning to join politics?”
Little did he know that the judge had hidden a powerful mike, under the table, to catch such snide remarks. The purpose was to monitor the performance of his nephew during the ensuing trials. Pretending not to have heard anything, the judge announced, “After a short recess, we will resume with the arguments.”:
The judge remarked, “This PLI questions the anomaly in applying double standards on crackers related pollution versus tons of munition dumped during conflicts and wars. While once again thanking you lawyers for using electronic mailing of briefs and motions, I want to emphasise that this court does not hold any brief for or against the crackers or munitions. But it has fallen on the shoulders of this bench to decide it one way or the other.”
The second chair raising to the bait, whispered, “from when on judges are given to making opening statements, that too of a confusing variety?” This comment too rang loud and clear in the ears of the judge. He lamented, "why my nephew is not learning to remain silent like the first chair- his go to and pro bono lawyer?"
The lawyers have decided to nail the case with two strategies. One, a practical demonstration with court's permission - essential to their arguments. Two, a video followed by a lecture on ‘theatre warfare and tactics. When they listened to this lecture, they had blissfully fallen asleep. They hoped a similar effect would seal the outcome of the case in their favour. Even the pro bono lawyers have to fight for a win, is it not?
To make sure, they filed a habeas corpus petition for producing the offenders in the court. Though perplexed the judge acceded to the writ, to be on the safer side. But when he queried where were the accused, they smugly replied, "At large, your honuor, but we managed to nab them".
“Why the delay, produce them and proceed?”
Then, a person dressed in street clothes carrying a medium sized packet was ushered in. Interested and confused, the judge waved a get on with it.
Proceed they did. The person opened the package, laid what looked like a broad ribbon like thing along the walls of the court room. Becoming impatient, the judge shouted once more "proceed".
Then pandemonium broke loose. Ear splitting sound
reverberated with blinding flashes. Acrid smell and dense cloud enveloped the
court room. Simultaneously, the sound effect produced a dust shower which
settled on everybody. In utter shock, the judge sat moving his mouth frantically,
but no words came out.
The second chair muttered, “Never burst crackers in his life and the sound of crackers has effectively paralysed his voice box.”
Seizing the opportunity, the pro bono lawyers announced that they are resting this part of the case. Coming out of the dust storm and ringing sound, the judge asked, “Do you have any precedents?"
"Yes, you honour. A recent court ruling permitted bursting of green crackers in celebrations and the next day, the newspapers reported heavy air pollution."
The 'your honour' found himself in a faux pas situation. He spent some more time, in dislodging the powder coating from his clothes. Then got the bright idea and announced " taking it under advisement and court is adjourned for the day."
He did not leave before directing a glance that would have frozen the Indian Ocean in its entirety. The man in street clothes stayed rooted not knowing what has happened and wondered which of the lawyer is going to pay him for the expenses.
Part 2:
The lawyers met at night and reviewed their preparation for the next part of the case - the munition dump. The second chair came out with an interesting piece of information about space getting crowded and polluted by debris of upper stage motors and satellites – alive and dead. Many of them raining down like hailstorm. The first chair could not decide where this would fit in, but decided to go on record by way of an email filing.
Next day as per the previous motion granted by the judge, the lawyers wheeled into the court a video player and an audio system. The court did not have these facilities, as it largely remained off the list of functioning courts.
“The expert, in the video droned on as experts are prone to, by tracing the history of munitions, the fight against an enemy force or rebels or with hardcore terrorists forcing the defending nations to invent, manufacture and test samples before mass production and use.
In every step of the way, known and unknown pollutants got generated and stayed with us. This is not an isolated case as mineral extraction, though vital, spews and floods with pollutants. The expert adroitly, tried to turn the table along with guilt on to the listeners by asking, “In a life-threatening situation, do we deny the surgeon his scalpel? In what other way the operation to defend and defeat enemies......” he droned on.
As expected, the judge cried a halt to the proceedings. The lawyers, who expected the judge to fall asleep to win their arguments were shocked to find him awake so far into the narrative. This raised serious doubts in their minds about the outcome based on the expert's views. One crucial factor they had no way of knowing - the judge had become an insomniac and stays awake all through the day!
He queried, “Are you going to make the point that in comparison with the copious amount of obnoxious gaseous and liquid products released in rocketry is more dangerous than the crackers and the tons of explosives dumped during a battle?”
The lawyers sensed victory, since the judge had trapped himself by supplying the essential part of their argument, that too on record!
“Exactly your honour but with your indulgence we would like to add to your opinion."
The judge (still not realising the trap he had walked into) snapped, "What is it?”
“The crackers are a miniscule compared to everyday automobile pollution. The targeted munition is predictable, and the level of pollution is calculable. Whereas the fall of debris of spent rocket parts and dead satellites are unpredictable due to the extent and effect of pollutants remain unavailable to the public. We rest the second part of the case.”
The judge looked at the wall click. He could not declare a recess – too early for lunch and too soon for dinner. He steepled his fingers and rested his chin and did the impossible, took a short nap. Waking up refreshed, wondering how he fell asleep, he declared, " I will take it under advisement and court is recessed till next Friday.”
Noting that the mentioned Friday came after a week from now, they packed their equipments and left, thinking what sort of a judgement is going to be pronounced on that day.
“Pollutants and pollution, from crackers or automobiles or munitions or industrial wastes or rocketry and space debris, is like virus or bacteria in causing diseases. None recognise, a geographical border. The only distinction is between prepared and the unwary. As with diseases, pollution severely affects the unprepared. These long-winded statements might appear as though I am pleased to make them or practicing for a political speech. Though, I might have avoided the crackers, its sound from close quarters, was enough to effectively paralyse my voice.”
One after the other the judge had managed to land left and right hooks into the midriff of his nephew, foul or not. The judge had included every snide comment his nephew had whispered. The second chair, to his discomfort found out that there was no more place in the chair to slink to further.
“After carefully assessing the overall impacts - pathologically and commercially, in manufacturing and usage of fireworks and munitions and at the same time weighing in the sovereignty of nations against enemies, rebels and terrorists, which leads to conflicts demanding use of munitions, and along with the need for mining, processing of minerals and in conjunction with use of rockets to further our understanding of weather, neighbourhood planets and so on. Though this activity results in debris and pollution, this court has come to the following conclusion/recommendation.
As long as bacteria live, the pollutants and pollution are here to stay. But there is a glimmer of hope – the AI hope. Top of the shelf, great minds working in top drawer laboratories might fuse quantum fields to create the effect of crackers being burst in celebrations and munitions being dropped on required targets, simulating blast effects. They need to come up with affordable domestic version for the fireworks and an industrial version for the munition users. Surely, such an invention would make the Nobel Institute or whoever to declare the awards, in all the categories, to these geniuses! The yeomen, legal work of the two pro bono counsellors is highly appreciated. The court is adjourned”
The judge disappeared, absent mindedly
carrying the gavel. The lawyers could not help but to pity the gavel- it might
get whittled away by mistake!
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