The smell, crisp paper between fingers, perfect fold between sheets, turning to the subsequent pages, in sequence, is a blessing in itself. But the blessing comes with a rider, if you travel by train (or) a long distance bus.
Straightening the edges and folding the paper to that page is an art. This type of a reader is a paper folding (or) origami expert.
Wait... Wait; there is another type of an expert who can fold the paper column wise even when a gale is blowing around him.
Yes you guessed right, both the types never travel, even for a short distance, without the news paper!
There are others (Ying balanced by Yang), who take immense pleasure in reading the news paper brought by someone else. Not that this type of reader can ill afford to buy his own, but has belief that someone else will always bring one.
This way he gets to enjoy more than one daily paper. In the bargain he also saves a little change.
You will certainly meet such characters in any air-conditioned chair car of any inter-city train. A careful observation, will reveal that “you buy I read” type is restricted to the He-man category of passengers only.
Our womankind does not indulge (or) entertain this habit. A noble principle, the other gender can emulate!
Having watched this “You buy I read types” (YBIR) from close quarters, you may have come to the following conclusions, in general.
They will, walk any distance to go to, a salon (or) a consulting room (or) a tea stall if they subscriber to news papers and magazines.
Alternatively, this could be the reason why the above places buy news papers and magazines, to hold on to the clientele or may be to compile statistics and pass on to the circulation mangers to reduce the number of copies printed.
Imagine such a type of passenger occupying the next seat next to you - you have a guaranteed, memorable journey in store. In addition, if, you are an origami expert, then experience a cultural shock and surging blood pressure.
The modus operandi begins like this: You open the Newspaper, he gets interested in it. When you turn to the second page, he will just show a mild displeasure.
When you turn to the 3rd page, becomes restless as he is yet to complete the 2nd page. At this point, he will turn towards you and give you a look and mildly snort like an impatient Bull – implying what is the hurry?
You fold the news paper to read the centre page, he starts to fidget, pulls up his collar, flexes his fingers with loud crackling sounds and snorts like an aggressive bull.
This body language resembles that of an aggressive batsman, in a T-20 match, taking guard to tackle fast bowlers!
If you can borrow Lord Shiva’s 3rd eye for a moment, you can actually see a pair of horns rising from the sides of his head.
If lucky, you might even get a glimpse of pawing, with his non-existent hoofs, the floor of the compartment -indicating a bull readying for a showdown.
On the other hand if he beats you to it, you will vaporise on the spot!
Beware! He is passing down a message “you can as well give me some pages, and try to manage with the rest”.
A Hobson’s choice (or) a Shakespearean dilemma. “To be or not to be” (to be patient or impatient)! A point of no return is now reached. A weak matador (you) surrenders and parts with his newspaper - in part or full.
A strong matador confronts the Bull with a scorching look and continues with his reading. A clever and strong matador has his own doosras and theesras to let stump the Bull – he simply reads his paper upside down!
The miffed Bull hesitates, retreats and withdraws from the engagement. He wearily, eyes another greener pasture. Here the law of averages caught on with him.
Spotting a vacant seat and a gentleman with a folded newspaper, he decided to migrate to the greener pasture. Nonchalantly, dangling his arms by his sides, he started walking in the aisle way.
For unknown reasons, the speeding train came to a screeching halt. The forward momentum made the bull to lurch and stumble. Loosing balance, his fore head hit the edge of an aisle seat.
Co-passengers helped him to regain balance. YBIR man was in intense pain and gingerly ran his fingers over his forehead, to feel the cause of the throbbing pain
When he turned around, the passengers had a darshan of Shiva’s third eye – albeit a sightless one! A marble sized bump had neatly formed, at the centre of his fore head – sans the eye lids and iris.
If you are not geared up for this sort of experience, better read the news paper at home (or) practise reading it upside down.
This will insulate you and keep your blood pressure within limits.
A stray thought just occurred in the mind of Bystander:
Railways can ask the newspaper publishers to distribute complimentary copies to Chair car passengers at every station.
In turn, the newspaper publishers can request Railways to share the cost fifty-fifty!
Bystander wondered whether the Bull will collect all the free issues and sell them to make a little on the side lines, as travelling allowance!
Better reading the newspaper upside down. Don't travel by train or bus
ReplyDeleteif u can't digest the insult
A good suggestion difficult to practice!
DeleteNormally YBIR type takes the first page after you have turned to the second page and in a few minutes the paper is no longer with you. Most of the time though , you 'll get your paper back when you alight! you can always read it at your place of work.
ReplyDeleteThoughtful sentiment. Thank the borrowers for at least returning your asset at the end of the short journey!!!
Delete