Bystander turns the table

Though, outwardly appearing to be in peace with Tom, Bystander could not digest the fact that an upstart had easily boxed him, that too in his favourite pastime – babysitting. He vividly recollected the incidents from the past, which showed Tom in his true colours - as a ready reckoner for unnecessary doubts. By working on this weakness, Tom had meta-morphed in to a confident person counselled by himself and Muser.

Bystander did not want to rush in and confront but had no desire to leave a conflict of interest open. “If Tom knew some things, I know a little more” feeling made Bystander to mentally reconstruct Tom’s recent utterances. He decided to use the same points raised by Tom to set things in right perspective, and turn the table on him.

The much awaited opportunity came soon and unexpectedly. The opening was unwittingly provided by none other than Mr. Tom himself! Probably wanting to hear an appreciation, he asked Bystander “Do you agree with the points I made during that birthday function?” Bystander needed no other provocation to join issue, with his counters to level Tom’s pride.

“What is wrong in pacifying a crying child with a candy or a short walk or a drink? It might have felt hungry or thirsty or short of breath in a crowded place.  I can easily distinguish a cry in anguish or when it is used by the child to leverage its bargaining power. “Don’t think you have misconstrued my advice as sop”?

The logic in Bystander’s thinking made Tom to realise the shortcoming in this point he had made. He understood that a child may not cry, always, with intent to strike a deal.

“What is wrong in obliging or assisting a child in play or other activities; is it not a way to explain about team work while at play and where is the question of interfering with its physical and mental development?  Which child can plan and carry out all these things alone?”

“It is not a mistake to engage the attention of a child by talking by pointing out at various interesting things. It only helps to keep the curiosity alive and in due course of time to develop its own likes and dislikes”. 

After hearing these subtle rebuttals, Tom regretted the intended swipe he had taken at Bystander’s habit of talking to the child while taking it out for a walk.

“Asking the child to perform painstakingly taught activities is a continuous encouragement given to develop coordination and motor skills. The presence or absence of a visitor is not a prerequisite for the child to impress when the babysitter is on hand to witness!”

“The learning power of a child is limitless and trained circus animals, you mentioned, do not have power of imagination. How, then you can draw a comparison like that?” A babysitter is always proud of his/her protégé, performing or not performing!”

Looking at Tom, Bystander said, “When Newton could look at the world of science standing on the shoulders of his predecessors, why not my grandchildren do the same sitting on my hips?  Tom stood frozen in this icy innuendo which laid  open the weakness in all his ’learned’ points.

“If you know the psyche, you will observe the child attempts to achieve set goals and share the pleasure and fun. Even after the game is over, you might see the child still engaged in exploring alternate techniques. This is the child’s way of preparing to act independently and at a comfortable pace. The babysitter has been a facilitator that is all!”

“You have selectively chosen to highlight the negative approach of a babysitter, who is immature in thoughts, to compare one child with another, reflecting his/her own perception of the other child.  Bear it in mind, for a well meaning babysitter his/her ward is as unique as the others and is well aware of this hidden danger”.

Tom began to feel the weight of successive arguments that Bystander put forth.  He could not avoid the sinking feeling that more baptism might be on the way.

“The time a baby sitter gets to spend with the child is limited. When the child has placed absolute trust, where the inclination is to inculcate prejudices, notions and traits in the young mind – unless the babysitter happens to be insane?”

“Instilling discipline is a gentle process and not a military exercise. If the rapport between the babysitter and the child is excellent, then the child would automatically understand the impact of expectation and disappointment. Probably, the pampered child thinks it is a two-way traffic; letting the ‘pamperer’ also to be happy! Excessive, moderate and meager are relative terms as far as perceptions go!”

“A responsible babysitter knows the boundaries between excess and adequate. She/he is capable of providing entertaining moral sessions or moralising entertainments, anticipating the progress the child will be making as it ages. The child may not need the babysitter as a backseat driver later on, but this should not be an excuse to become philosophical about relative life spans.

“A babysitter has the confidence of parents and even if the child tries to charm and get things done, they would put it down to mutual affection. They also know after some time these things will change. Proscriptions and prescriptions come later and at the present the bonding of the young and old is important. Reading too much in to this will only confuse your script”

Tom cursed the rush of blood, then, when he made those pompous statements at the birthday function. He wondered why Bystander kept quite at that time and presenting his views now! What puzzled him more was Bystander falling silent afterwards, as if nothing had happened. This ‘studied’ silence bothered Tom more than the realisation that he had misread his ‘standing’ to have made such sweeping statements on babysitting.