Bystander turns the table

Though, outwardly appearing to be in peace with Tom, Bystander could not digest the fact that an upstart had easily boxed him, that too in his favourite pastime – babysitting. He vividly recollected the incidents from the past, which showed Tom in his true colours - as a ready reckoner for unnecessary doubts. By working on this weakness, Tom had meta-morphed in to a confident person counselled by himself and Muser.

Bystander did not want to rush in and confront but had no desire to leave a conflict of interest open. “If Tom knew some things, I know a little more” feeling made Bystander to mentally reconstruct Tom’s recent utterances. He decided to use the same points raised by Tom to set things in right perspective, and turn the table on him.

The much awaited opportunity came soon and unexpectedly. The opening was unwittingly provided by none other than Mr. Tom himself! Probably wanting to hear an appreciation, he asked Bystander “Do you agree with the points I made during that birthday function?” Bystander needed no other provocation to join issue, with his counters to level Tom’s pride.

“What is wrong in pacifying a crying child with a candy or a short walk or a drink? It might have felt hungry or thirsty or short of breath in a crowded place.  I can easily distinguish a cry in anguish or when it is used by the child to leverage its bargaining power. “Don’t think you have misconstrued my advice as sop”?

The logic in Bystander’s thinking made Tom to realise the shortcoming in this point he had made. He understood that a child may not cry, always, with intent to strike a deal.

“What is wrong in obliging or assisting a child in play or other activities; is it not a way to explain about team work while at play and where is the question of interfering with its physical and mental development?  Which child can plan and carry out all these things alone?”

“It is not a mistake to engage the attention of a child by talking by pointing out at various interesting things. It only helps to keep the curiosity alive and in due course of time to develop its own likes and dislikes”. 

After hearing these subtle rebuttals, Tom regretted the intended swipe he had taken at Bystander’s habit of talking to the child while taking it out for a walk.

“Asking the child to perform painstakingly taught activities is a continuous encouragement given to develop coordination and motor skills. The presence or absence of a visitor is not a prerequisite for the child to impress when the babysitter is on hand to witness!”

“The learning power of a child is limitless and trained circus animals, you mentioned, do not have power of imagination. How, then you can draw a comparison like that?” A babysitter is always proud of his/her protégé, performing or not performing!”

Looking at Tom, Bystander said, “When Newton could look at the world of science standing on the shoulders of his predecessors, why not my grandchildren do the same sitting on my hips?  Tom stood frozen in this icy innuendo which laid  open the weakness in all his ’learned’ points.

“If you know the psyche, you will observe the child attempts to achieve set goals and share the pleasure and fun. Even after the game is over, you might see the child still engaged in exploring alternate techniques. This is the child’s way of preparing to act independently and at a comfortable pace. The babysitter has been a facilitator that is all!”

“You have selectively chosen to highlight the negative approach of a babysitter, who is immature in thoughts, to compare one child with another, reflecting his/her own perception of the other child.  Bear it in mind, for a well meaning babysitter his/her ward is as unique as the others and is well aware of this hidden danger”.

Tom began to feel the weight of successive arguments that Bystander put forth.  He could not avoid the sinking feeling that more baptism might be on the way.

“The time a baby sitter gets to spend with the child is limited. When the child has placed absolute trust, where the inclination is to inculcate prejudices, notions and traits in the young mind – unless the babysitter happens to be insane?”

“Instilling discipline is a gentle process and not a military exercise. If the rapport between the babysitter and the child is excellent, then the child would automatically understand the impact of expectation and disappointment. Probably, the pampered child thinks it is a two-way traffic; letting the ‘pamperer’ also to be happy! Excessive, moderate and meager are relative terms as far as perceptions go!”

“A responsible babysitter knows the boundaries between excess and adequate. She/he is capable of providing entertaining moral sessions or moralising entertainments, anticipating the progress the child will be making as it ages. The child may not need the babysitter as a backseat driver later on, but this should not be an excuse to become philosophical about relative life spans.

“A babysitter has the confidence of parents and even if the child tries to charm and get things done, they would put it down to mutual affection. They also know after some time these things will change. Proscriptions and prescriptions come later and at the present the bonding of the young and old is important. Reading too much in to this will only confuse your script”

Tom cursed the rush of blood, then, when he made those pompous statements at the birthday function. He wondered why Bystander kept quite at that time and presenting his views now! What puzzled him more was Bystander falling silent afterwards, as if nothing had happened. This ‘studied’ silence bothered Tom more than the realisation that he had misread his ‘standing’ to have made such sweeping statements on babysitting.

Child psychology for a baby sitter

Tom was annoyed with himself for failing to counter Bystander on that fateful day in the park. The simmering anger in him brought up memories of all the past forgettable encounters with Bystander, though a wave of appreciation , for Bystander’s temerity, tried to surfaced above it.

 

Firm in his resolve to stand up to Bystander, he started an elaborate preparation to teach  a lesson or two. Having decided to take the fight to a finish , he chose Bystander's pet subject – baby sitting, as the weapon.
Tom knew how much Bystander loved to be with kids and the mere thought that he could now take him on made him feel like a person walking an inch above the ground. The much awaited opportunity came during a birthday function.  Tom watched with glee as Bystander was holding forth on his prowess as a babysitter. He waited for the right moment to upset the apple cart of his off and on friend.

On hearing a baby’s non-stop cry, Bystander approached the parent and advised him to pacify the child with a candy or a short walk or a cool drink. Tom seizing that chance said, “Let the child cry for some time and stop on its own. Intervening at any stage of this vocal exercise will only help it to become insistent ,push up the limits of its bargaining power”.

Both the parent and Bystander were taken aback by this loud statement. Ignoring their presence,Tom moved on to his next point,“It is a common mistake of a baby sitter to keep on chattering and pointing out at various interesting objects without allowing the child to develop its own likes and dislikes”. With an I-got-you-now look, Tom took a gentle swipe at Bystander’s habit of talking to the child while taking it out for a walk.

"Being proud of one's protégé, the baby sitter tries to impress visitors by asking the child to perform this or that activity like a trained circus animal? The child deserves a better treatment”.

“It is a wrong practice, for the baby sitter, to set goals for the ward as this will only ruin the child’s pleasure of doing things independently and at its own pace. Will anyone caring for the psyche of the child do such a thing?”

“Every child is unique. Comparing one child with another only reflects an adult's perception of the other child, indicating immaturity in thoughts. Who knows that the child will not pick up the same bias?”

These statements of Tom shook the very foundation of Bystander’s avowed expertise in child psychology. Quick to react to anything insinuating, Tom expected an outburst from Bystander but felt cheated when nothing happened.In the meanwhile, few interested parents who did not want to miss any further points from the speaker, occupied the vacant chairs lying next to Tom and Bystander.

“Any baby sitter would do well to remember the fact that excessive pampering of a child leads to large expectations and consequent disappointments. The time a baby sitter is likely to devote to the child is a fraction of what the child would spend with others during its full life. Better not to inculcate prejudices, notions and traits at this formative age of the child. It will hamper the all round development of the very same child you dote upon now".

“It will only interferes with the child's adaptability, if the baby sitter obliges willingly to be the child’s assistant in play or other activities . Do not waver for a moment to instill discipline and do not encourage or condone an activity which may expose the child to physical injury”.

The audience was becoming attentive and Bystander began to feel the heat of being gradually upstaged by Tom. He was at a loss to understand why Tom was doing this well thought out expose?

Excitement creeping in to his voice, Tom added, “Avoid excessive entertainment or moralising without thinking about the state in which the child will find itself after a period of time. Please bear in mind that a baby sitter’s time is now and will be gone; the child may not need you as a backseat driver, in its future!”

“Finally, beware, the precocious child might be taking you for granted and use you as a means to get things done which are proscribed by the parents. It is worth remembering the role of a baby sitter is only of a secondary importance and a stop gap arrangement that too if the parents are willing”.

Bystander was left speechless as all the points raised by Tom found their targets – his ego. In the uncomfortable silence that followed, Bystander thought deeply as to what could have made Tom to carry out this sting operation on him?

Slowly making his way to the dining hall , Tom siad," The relationship between the child and the baby sitter is like a dose of bitter medicine;  the child hates it, when given ,and the baby sitter hates to give it.There is no escape for both but to give in".

It was during lunch at the function hall, Bystander understood why – It is the payback for his park bench lectures on faith and philosophy. He mentally saluted Tom for the finesse with which he has settled a  score!